Thank the goddesses, gods, and other supreme beings -- the Moxie has risen! Like a phoenix! From the ashes! Of mid-20s ennui! (I'm attempting to make up for someone else's LACK of punctuation...)
Let's see. Updates and response.
Response first (easier, as material to work with is present):
guys and girls CAN be friends. Being friends doesn't mean never thinking about biblical knowledge. And, for the record, doesn't mean never having to say you're sorry. It just means you're hanging out with someone you have a good time with and whose company you enjoy. We've debated the existence of a line between friends and Relationships. There isn't a good solid boundary. Sex seems to be a determinant, as far as I can tell, and sr agreed with me, at least at one point. And if attraction IS the basis of that line (or the intent to act on attraction) then we can redefine the debates on homosexuality, too, although again, that's another blog for another time. Regardless, friends are important. I've never had a lover that I have not been friends with as well, although RA is a somewhat debatable case (debatable relationship, too, but I claim young and stupid). In all cases, boy poison should be avoided, imnsho. Fuck buddies, sure. But not someone who has no respect at all for you and for whom you have a tendency to hope for something more from (Read: common politeness and humanity).
Updates, including requested info from SR to be published tonight.
27 October 2003
06 September 2003
WE MUST REVIVE THE WICKED MOXIE REVOLUTION!! What happened to the Moxie that began all of this? A lot of things have changed since January -- go figure! It's been 9 months -- time enough to generate a new human life. Maybe that's what this blog needs: A New Life.
I think S and I have both mentally hit a wall of sorts. I think we both believed that once we got through school and got "real" jobs, everything would become clearer. As I can attest, through experience, such is not the truth. I've been in a state job for 6 months now -- my dream job in a state I had never even thought of, much less dreamed of living in. But things have worked out well, I love my job, I love the people, and I'm generally pretty happy. I got lucky, I guess. But my personal life stalled when my professional life moved forward. See, there was a Someone in my life when I was in school. We had discussed the possibility of not being together after school ended, but ignored the issue, more or less. That someone is now on the East coast, while I live at the geographic center of the North American continent. Suffice it to say that it takes an entire working day to get from his place to mine, or vice versa, by plane.
We thought that we could work things out that way, living apart, until our lives (read: careers) had taken off. I've worked for 7 years in higher education to get where I am today. I wasn't about to change that for a relationship that wasn't at a level about to reach "lifetime" committment. And it isn't working. I love him, and I care about him, but I cannot maintain a relationship at a distance of 1500 miles. Not that kind of relationship, anyway. It is keeping me from investing in my life here, mostly because I keep thinking of it (my current life) as Temporary. And I don't want to think of it that way. I love what I'm doing and where I am too much to give it up anytime soon. Six months has absolutely FLOWN by!
Life, rather than straightening out into an easily traveled road of reasonable straightness, keeps curving up and down the mountains, with turns and lifts managing to hide whatever comes next. I don't know if it ever gets easier. I doubt it. And it's been an interesting, if bumpy, ride.
I think S and I have both mentally hit a wall of sorts. I think we both believed that once we got through school and got "real" jobs, everything would become clearer. As I can attest, through experience, such is not the truth. I've been in a state job for 6 months now -- my dream job in a state I had never even thought of, much less dreamed of living in. But things have worked out well, I love my job, I love the people, and I'm generally pretty happy. I got lucky, I guess. But my personal life stalled when my professional life moved forward. See, there was a Someone in my life when I was in school. We had discussed the possibility of not being together after school ended, but ignored the issue, more or less. That someone is now on the East coast, while I live at the geographic center of the North American continent. Suffice it to say that it takes an entire working day to get from his place to mine, or vice versa, by plane.
We thought that we could work things out that way, living apart, until our lives (read: careers) had taken off. I've worked for 7 years in higher education to get where I am today. I wasn't about to change that for a relationship that wasn't at a level about to reach "lifetime" committment. And it isn't working. I love him, and I care about him, but I cannot maintain a relationship at a distance of 1500 miles. Not that kind of relationship, anyway. It is keeping me from investing in my life here, mostly because I keep thinking of it (my current life) as Temporary. And I don't want to think of it that way. I love what I'm doing and where I am too much to give it up anytime soon. Six months has absolutely FLOWN by!
Life, rather than straightening out into an easily traveled road of reasonable straightness, keeps curving up and down the mountains, with turns and lifts managing to hide whatever comes next. I don't know if it ever gets easier. I doubt it. And it's been an interesting, if bumpy, ride.
12 January 2003
Well, I keep hoping to get Ms. S off her mental couch and back online ranting, but I think that may be easier said than done. Her job is a hell of a lot more mentally taxing than my current data entry level position. Sad.
For the record, I've listened to almost nothing but Sting's Brand New Day and Elton John's Greatest Hits double album this week. I don't know if that colors my thoughts, but it can't help but influence them. As many folks could tell you, I couldn't stand Elton John throughout my college years. Some of that had to do with a roommate who would get depressed and play a song with lyrics about being a bullet in the gun of Robert Bjorn (or something like that). Prior to college, I'd had little to say either way about the man. You can't help but at least respect someone who's had that long of a career, with writing and instrument mastery being a part of it, but I just didn't like to listen to him. Go figure. Then I moved to a town with little in the way of good radio station choices, begin listening to a "classics" type station which seems to play Elton at least once an hour, and now I'm hooked! One case where intimacy did not breed contempt, I guess. But I was gifted with the CD collection, and can't stop saying good bye to the Yellow Brick Road. Go figure. I guess it's proof that we grow and change constantly. Thank the gods that may be.
Hmm. Well, maybe that's all for now. I have other rants, but I think maybe they'll wait. I don't feel like entertaining negative thoughts right now.
For the record, I've listened to almost nothing but Sting's Brand New Day and Elton John's Greatest Hits double album this week. I don't know if that colors my thoughts, but it can't help but influence them. As many folks could tell you, I couldn't stand Elton John throughout my college years. Some of that had to do with a roommate who would get depressed and play a song with lyrics about being a bullet in the gun of Robert Bjorn (or something like that). Prior to college, I'd had little to say either way about the man. You can't help but at least respect someone who's had that long of a career, with writing and instrument mastery being a part of it, but I just didn't like to listen to him. Go figure. Then I moved to a town with little in the way of good radio station choices, begin listening to a "classics" type station which seems to play Elton at least once an hour, and now I'm hooked! One case where intimacy did not breed contempt, I guess. But I was gifted with the CD collection, and can't stop saying good bye to the Yellow Brick Road. Go figure. I guess it's proof that we grow and change constantly. Thank the gods that may be.
Hmm. Well, maybe that's all for now. I have other rants, but I think maybe they'll wait. I don't feel like entertaining negative thoughts right now.
11 January 2003
Let's all pretend that this is a new blog. Since there have been no new posts for many moons, this should be almost as easy said as done. I mean, there are things to think about, things to discuss, things to rant about, and just things to say. And why not do it where other people can see, contemplate, and, if so moved, respond? That IS the point of the blog, is it not?
So it is 2003. Other than that little number, little has changed in the world at large. If I look at the so-called big picture as it is presented to me by the world, we're fast approaching hell and our handbasket is not fireproof. But if I look at the people I know, I see decency, caring, love, and a general desire to do something to make the world a better place. We see that in different ways, for sure, and disagree about how it could happen. One friend wants to teach. One wants to build. Another (your other Girl Friday on this site, unheard of for so long) has become an "Officer of the Peace" whether she herself has found that peace or not. I want to preserve, to educate, to create a sense of place through history. Of course we're all a little idealistic -- we're young. If the young cannot be idealistic, what hope is there?
But it isn't just the young. To give some background on the situation, I have a strange relationship with my mother. She and I were always somewhat close, but since my dad died four years ago, I have been a major (if not the major) confidant in her life. I don't think she thought things would turn out this way -- learning at 59 to live your life alone again. The situation would be sad if my mother were not the woman she is, strong, positive, and generally cheerful (annoyingly so, sometimes). Regardless, after my father died, she had to learn to manage finances. She'd always done the household stuff, but not the investments and such. Since I was just getting out of college, we learned together. Now, at the end of my gradutate school career, when I am making decisions (or trying to) about the course of my life, major decisions carrying major consequences, so is she. She can retire in another year. So, strangely enough, my mother and I can choose what we want to do in the next phases of our lives at around the same time, and discuss it. I will admit that she isn't the primary person that I discuss things with, but her opinion is important to me. Most of all, I am lucky in the fact that she supports and respects my decisions, whether she understands them or not. But my point in this ramble was that she has hope and ideals and visions. And she's 63. I guess I like the idea that no matter what I choose to do now, I can always change my mind later. I am not going to be trapped for the rest of eternity if I don't make the "right" choice right now. I live with that example, with that permission to change my mind, every day, and it makes this phase of my life so much easier and free-er.
As far as an update from the last posting, I am employed at slightly above minimum wage doing entry level work as an intern in my field. I have learned so much in the past 6 weeks or so, not just about the field of preservation, but about how an office works, how the programs work, and how the field I want to enter may work. It is grunt work, but it is a nice big step on my way to my career. I have also had a job interview in the cold, icy north, for a fabulous position in an okay place. Fingers crossed, as I should learn the outcome of that next week.
So my New Year's resolution, insomuch as I would make one, is to use this blog to explore the things I am thinking about. And to convince my erstwhile absent friend to return to doing the same. Mental health over physical, as my degree record should show as a lifestyle choice. WICKED MOXIE LIVES!!!
So it is 2003. Other than that little number, little has changed in the world at large. If I look at the so-called big picture as it is presented to me by the world, we're fast approaching hell and our handbasket is not fireproof. But if I look at the people I know, I see decency, caring, love, and a general desire to do something to make the world a better place. We see that in different ways, for sure, and disagree about how it could happen. One friend wants to teach. One wants to build. Another (your other Girl Friday on this site, unheard of for so long) has become an "Officer of the Peace" whether she herself has found that peace or not. I want to preserve, to educate, to create a sense of place through history. Of course we're all a little idealistic -- we're young. If the young cannot be idealistic, what hope is there?
But it isn't just the young. To give some background on the situation, I have a strange relationship with my mother. She and I were always somewhat close, but since my dad died four years ago, I have been a major (if not the major) confidant in her life. I don't think she thought things would turn out this way -- learning at 59 to live your life alone again. The situation would be sad if my mother were not the woman she is, strong, positive, and generally cheerful (annoyingly so, sometimes). Regardless, after my father died, she had to learn to manage finances. She'd always done the household stuff, but not the investments and such. Since I was just getting out of college, we learned together. Now, at the end of my gradutate school career, when I am making decisions (or trying to) about the course of my life, major decisions carrying major consequences, so is she. She can retire in another year. So, strangely enough, my mother and I can choose what we want to do in the next phases of our lives at around the same time, and discuss it. I will admit that she isn't the primary person that I discuss things with, but her opinion is important to me. Most of all, I am lucky in the fact that she supports and respects my decisions, whether she understands them or not. But my point in this ramble was that she has hope and ideals and visions. And she's 63. I guess I like the idea that no matter what I choose to do now, I can always change my mind later. I am not going to be trapped for the rest of eternity if I don't make the "right" choice right now. I live with that example, with that permission to change my mind, every day, and it makes this phase of my life so much easier and free-er.
As far as an update from the last posting, I am employed at slightly above minimum wage doing entry level work as an intern in my field. I have learned so much in the past 6 weeks or so, not just about the field of preservation, but about how an office works, how the programs work, and how the field I want to enter may work. It is grunt work, but it is a nice big step on my way to my career. I have also had a job interview in the cold, icy north, for a fabulous position in an okay place. Fingers crossed, as I should learn the outcome of that next week.
So my New Year's resolution, insomuch as I would make one, is to use this blog to explore the things I am thinking about. And to convince my erstwhile absent friend to return to doing the same. Mental health over physical, as my degree record should show as a lifestyle choice. WICKED MOXIE LIVES!!!
15 September 2002
I am still in crisis over the whole "REAL WORLD" idea. The caps indicate the serious foreboding that comes when people say the phrase. What is not real about my life right now? I guess my debt is only marginally real, since student loans are deferred until you graduate, but since I'm not officially graduating until December and have to start paying back loans in a few weeks, it's becoming more and more and more real. But gee, it's only $400 a month (which is more than $50 more than I pay in rent a month! Talk about screwing up a budget!). Yikes. Employment looks more and more enticing.
Let's see. It's been awhile. Since we both got on with things, the blog has suffered. I wish it wouldn't, but I'm guilty.
Visited Minneapolis for a wedding. Very interesting, since it was a religious affair of the variety I used to be a part of, but have rejected. Unlike S, I was raised in a religious household and am no longer open to Christianity's many flavors -- I have made my own informed decision. I support the major tenets of the religion: 1. Recognize that there is a power and force higher than us, and respect that; and 2. Treat other people the way that you would like to be treated. I cannot mesh that with the ceremony that surrounds it, seeming to enmesh it in hypocrisy. I have to live according to the laws of nature as I see them, not the law as interpreted by others. But that decision is based on a thorough knowledge of the religion of which I was part (not naming names, but they have been much in the negative news lately...). WIthout that experience, I agree that being open to the experience is good. I just wouldn't be able to "do" religion for someone else -- I could try it for them, but not continue if it didn't work for me.
I'm having a hard time recognizing all the hypocrisy in the world right now. I see it in my own life -- I see corporate America killing the American Dream it is an example of, and yet I shop at Target because I can't afford to buy Kleenex (another corporate brand) at the little grocery. I'm trying to figure out balance. One cannot really fight the system (and the "Man") at all levels of life without going slowly insane. But I cannot in good conscience embrace things I don't agree with -- even though I sometimes have to. It's this give and take that I am worried about -- once I get out into that "real world" everyone keeps talking about, will I be beat down and become one of the "suits" I see and pity in the airport? Were they filled with ideas and dreams once too? Are they still and I just cannot see it? I just don't want to stop fighting, and I'm not sure how to ensure that I don't get beaten down.
On a side note, the fight against corporate America is moving forward. A lawsuit filed by a female employee of WalMart, wherein she attacks their unfair prescription coverage (it covers Viagra and other sexual aids, but not birth control) has been declared an appropriate class action suit (the wording of that is awkward, but I'm not the one with the law degree). As WalMart is a huge employer nationwide, and more than 50% of their employees are women, if the employees win, this will set a beatifully clear legal precedent -- that birth control should be covered by company health insurance plans. Pray that we can chalk one up for women's reproductive rights! Just think: If everyone knew about and had reasonable access to good birth control options, we might be able to stop the ongoing and never productive debates about abortion. If there were many fewer unplanned pregnancies, there would be many fewer abortions. No woman wants to go through an abortion -- she just doesn't want to go through the pregnancy either.
Let's see. It's been awhile. Since we both got on with things, the blog has suffered. I wish it wouldn't, but I'm guilty.
Visited Minneapolis for a wedding. Very interesting, since it was a religious affair of the variety I used to be a part of, but have rejected. Unlike S, I was raised in a religious household and am no longer open to Christianity's many flavors -- I have made my own informed decision. I support the major tenets of the religion: 1. Recognize that there is a power and force higher than us, and respect that; and 2. Treat other people the way that you would like to be treated. I cannot mesh that with the ceremony that surrounds it, seeming to enmesh it in hypocrisy. I have to live according to the laws of nature as I see them, not the law as interpreted by others. But that decision is based on a thorough knowledge of the religion of which I was part (not naming names, but they have been much in the negative news lately...). WIthout that experience, I agree that being open to the experience is good. I just wouldn't be able to "do" religion for someone else -- I could try it for them, but not continue if it didn't work for me.
I'm having a hard time recognizing all the hypocrisy in the world right now. I see it in my own life -- I see corporate America killing the American Dream it is an example of, and yet I shop at Target because I can't afford to buy Kleenex (another corporate brand) at the little grocery. I'm trying to figure out balance. One cannot really fight the system (and the "Man") at all levels of life without going slowly insane. But I cannot in good conscience embrace things I don't agree with -- even though I sometimes have to. It's this give and take that I am worried about -- once I get out into that "real world" everyone keeps talking about, will I be beat down and become one of the "suits" I see and pity in the airport? Were they filled with ideas and dreams once too? Are they still and I just cannot see it? I just don't want to stop fighting, and I'm not sure how to ensure that I don't get beaten down.
On a side note, the fight against corporate America is moving forward. A lawsuit filed by a female employee of WalMart, wherein she attacks their unfair prescription coverage (it covers Viagra and other sexual aids, but not birth control) has been declared an appropriate class action suit (the wording of that is awkward, but I'm not the one with the law degree). As WalMart is a huge employer nationwide, and more than 50% of their employees are women, if the employees win, this will set a beatifully clear legal precedent -- that birth control should be covered by company health insurance plans. Pray that we can chalk one up for women's reproductive rights! Just think: If everyone knew about and had reasonable access to good birth control options, we might be able to stop the ongoing and never productive debates about abortion. If there were many fewer unplanned pregnancies, there would be many fewer abortions. No woman wants to go through an abortion -- she just doesn't want to go through the pregnancy either.