I’m firmly convinced that age means nothing. Of course, that’s easy to say when you’re dating someone 14 years older than you…. It’s easy to make excuses for your statements. Regardless, it doesn’t seem to matter what age you are – the only real attachments to age are socially-imposed. The number itself is like money – meaningless. And there is no gold standard behind age. Numbers confuse us because they seem objective, but they are just representative symbols and in the case of age, they represent a number of years passed. WHATEVER!
Cattle prods are necessary for some things. I don’t know how to continue my righteous outrage long enough to prod me into action. I want to be active and political and involved, but I just don’t seem to get around to it. PAC of one, defunct.
I have to go – the computer is beeping at me. And I have plans with my coworkers tonight.
07 November 2003
05 November 2003
I think just becoming political might be enough of a revolution. Seeing as how only about 24% of our demographic voted in the last dumbfuckery we called an election, the majority of us are complaining while standing on our own two clay feet. Not me. I did vote, but was still shocked, ashamed, and disgusted. It was interesting to be in Oregon for the last election – not only was there actually a good contingent of Nader support, but we had something like 50 ballot measures at the state level. Government gone awry. I would highly suggest the book "Manifesta" by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards. A discussion of the history of and the current direction of feminism, it's a motivating read -- get involved. You can do something; you just have to figure out what your strengths are and what it is you have to offer.
I’ve been spending some time with the “elephants dressed as donkeys” (Sharpton’s comment). I really am not sure. There are a few people I can knock off of my radar pretty quickly – a few of the guys just seem like typical good ole boy politicians, and I think s.g.’s right about Moseley Braun – she isn’t much electable. I think part of that has to do with her double race/gender bind, but most of it has to do with the fact that 1) she’s got small potatoes experience, more or less (not that that would necessarily hamstring a man, but to be realistic, women do have to at least doubly prove themselves); 2) her opinions seem generic – positive, but generic; and 3) I don’t think she can raise the money for running. As for the rest of them, it’s funny to read s.g’s comments about Kucinich (if I spelled that right) – I like him. He’s good, Kerry’s good, Dean is interesting. Those are the three I’ve been convinced to look into further. Sharpton interests me mostly because he does more or less say whatever is on his mind. I think some of it is true, and some of it is inflammatory (and the latter I dislike), but he’s more upfront than politicians typically are.
I am going to try an experiment – once I’ve read more on the candidates I am most interested in, I am going to try writing them (email, if their websites offer it) and see what kind of response I get. Just curious. I like to write letters, so it should be interesting. I have a year to figure out how people get involved in politics in America’s Siberia, and I will be exploring the feminist fringe, as soon as I find it.
On other notes, I understand the hollowness s.g.’s describing when she talks about sex without caring. I can’t imagine fucking someone I didn’t respect – well, I can, but it doesn’t work! If I just want to orgasm, I can do that on my own, or with toys. They’re cheaper and ask less of you than a fuck buddy. And, gee, despite the Catholic upbringing (thankful to be in recovery), no guilt! Sex is often overrated as “an expression of love,” or some other poetic bullshit. Sex should be fun, physically enjoyable, and comforting, in the aspect of physical closeness and touching. But I don’t see how doing it with someone meaningless can be good.
I think that sex is somewhat of a window – sometimes the act itself clarifies a relationship. It allows you a space to see between the “lines” of life. Being naked in bed with someone, lying in one another’s arms post-coitus, languidly discussing whatever comes to mind, seems to me to be a telling moment. How easy is it and how comfortable? At this moment, with your defenses down (and no shield of clothing), how are things?
I have, recently, been well fucked. The funny thing is that the relationship, with its roller coaster ups and downs, that was recorded in the early days of this blog, finally broke down completely. It turns out that when you take two people who have a history of poor communication and separate them by 1500 miles, add in two face-to-face visits in the course of 7 months, plus new jobs and lives for both, you end up with no relationship. It degenerates to a level below your average friendship. So, as the realization, recognition, and disintegration of that was going on, someone new showed up on my radar. Someone I had an enjoyable, fun, comfortable time with. Someone that I wanted to look good for, in datelike fashion, but whom I didn’t need to be at my girliest for.
So, in less esoteric description – I met someone new. I did not break up with the ex because of the new person, but meeting someone who is a potential can sometimes force realizations. Since we’re into initials, we’ll call him g. (gq? Maybe. I like him.)
Funny fact though – he’s a few years older and has the added complication of being a single father. His kid doesn’t seem freaked out by me, but she may once it really sinks in that this isn’t a quick fling (I’m pretty sure it isn’t). How’s that for complicated? Hey, no one ever claimed that I would make my life easy and seamless.
I do keep wondering if things have gone “too fast,” as if there are any sort of reliable timetables for meeting, falling for, and getting involved with a person – or for getting over a person you were with at one point. My recent realization has been that one of the reasons that getting over the ex has been easier was because that relationship started disintegrating in January, when I chose to accept a job in the midst of America’s breadbasket.
I’ve been spending some time with the “elephants dressed as donkeys” (Sharpton’s comment). I really am not sure. There are a few people I can knock off of my radar pretty quickly – a few of the guys just seem like typical good ole boy politicians, and I think s.g.’s right about Moseley Braun – she isn’t much electable. I think part of that has to do with her double race/gender bind, but most of it has to do with the fact that 1) she’s got small potatoes experience, more or less (not that that would necessarily hamstring a man, but to be realistic, women do have to at least doubly prove themselves); 2) her opinions seem generic – positive, but generic; and 3) I don’t think she can raise the money for running. As for the rest of them, it’s funny to read s.g’s comments about Kucinich (if I spelled that right) – I like him. He’s good, Kerry’s good, Dean is interesting. Those are the three I’ve been convinced to look into further. Sharpton interests me mostly because he does more or less say whatever is on his mind. I think some of it is true, and some of it is inflammatory (and the latter I dislike), but he’s more upfront than politicians typically are.
I am going to try an experiment – once I’ve read more on the candidates I am most interested in, I am going to try writing them (email, if their websites offer it) and see what kind of response I get. Just curious. I like to write letters, so it should be interesting. I have a year to figure out how people get involved in politics in America’s Siberia, and I will be exploring the feminist fringe, as soon as I find it.
On other notes, I understand the hollowness s.g.’s describing when she talks about sex without caring. I can’t imagine fucking someone I didn’t respect – well, I can, but it doesn’t work! If I just want to orgasm, I can do that on my own, or with toys. They’re cheaper and ask less of you than a fuck buddy. And, gee, despite the Catholic upbringing (thankful to be in recovery), no guilt! Sex is often overrated as “an expression of love,” or some other poetic bullshit. Sex should be fun, physically enjoyable, and comforting, in the aspect of physical closeness and touching. But I don’t see how doing it with someone meaningless can be good.
I think that sex is somewhat of a window – sometimes the act itself clarifies a relationship. It allows you a space to see between the “lines” of life. Being naked in bed with someone, lying in one another’s arms post-coitus, languidly discussing whatever comes to mind, seems to me to be a telling moment. How easy is it and how comfortable? At this moment, with your defenses down (and no shield of clothing), how are things?
I have, recently, been well fucked. The funny thing is that the relationship, with its roller coaster ups and downs, that was recorded in the early days of this blog, finally broke down completely. It turns out that when you take two people who have a history of poor communication and separate them by 1500 miles, add in two face-to-face visits in the course of 7 months, plus new jobs and lives for both, you end up with no relationship. It degenerates to a level below your average friendship. So, as the realization, recognition, and disintegration of that was going on, someone new showed up on my radar. Someone I had an enjoyable, fun, comfortable time with. Someone that I wanted to look good for, in datelike fashion, but whom I didn’t need to be at my girliest for.
So, in less esoteric description – I met someone new. I did not break up with the ex because of the new person, but meeting someone who is a potential can sometimes force realizations. Since we’re into initials, we’ll call him g. (gq? Maybe. I like him.)
Funny fact though – he’s a few years older and has the added complication of being a single father. His kid doesn’t seem freaked out by me, but she may once it really sinks in that this isn’t a quick fling (I’m pretty sure it isn’t). How’s that for complicated? Hey, no one ever claimed that I would make my life easy and seamless.
I do keep wondering if things have gone “too fast,” as if there are any sort of reliable timetables for meeting, falling for, and getting involved with a person – or for getting over a person you were with at one point. My recent realization has been that one of the reasons that getting over the ex has been easier was because that relationship started disintegrating in January, when I chose to accept a job in the midst of America’s breadbasket.
04 November 2003
If you can love a womanizer, you can love a man with a toupee. And it isn’t about love at this point anyway – it’s about connection, having fun, enjoying a person’s company, respecting them, and utmost, feeling comfortable in your own skin when you are with him. If I were you, I would definitely mention the self-tanner. Ugh. Why bother?
Okay, again for the promised update:
I got a job. I need to change that profile. I’m in the high-rolling business of historic preservation now, after having moved to America’s Siberia. I know sg’s complaining that it’s 80. On the 22nd of October, it was 70 degrees. On the 23rd of October, it was 50 degrees. On the 24th of October, it was 30 degrees, and it hasn’t been above since. We’ve had 6 inches of snow in the last 24 hours, I had my first great experience digging Gertie (my car) out from under the plow drifts, and I’ve gotten out the snow boots, as well as the rest of the gear. Winter hath come. On the plus side, I did finally get the dent in my car fixed (dinged in a parking lot last March, couldn’t open the driver’s side door all the way, total ghetto car.) After I explained to the body shop guy that I just wanted to be able to open the door all the way, and that I truly didn’t care what the car looked like (Gertie has a beautiful soul...), he just pulled the dent out with a neat little car-guy tool and sent me on my merry, snowy way. Fantastic. I love it when scheduled adult things end up being mostly painless!
Remember when Jeff (his name is Jeff, isn’t it) told you that you’re really looking for your best friend in dates/potential mates? I.e. – you want to date me and I want to date you? I’m thinking he may be right. I don’t know why the freak-o, I never got over role playing, I still own swords and have no social skills dudes are attracted to you. But in general, you find men that are, in some way, unavailable. They are unwilling to committ. “What makes you hot? Something that you want but you haven’t got...” They dance out of your reach at every possible step of the game. THAT’S ME. I tend to attract the relatively stable, interested in long-term committment, want to be sweet and romantic types that are cute at first and then seem clingy and overbearing, mainly because I’m committment-phobic. THAT’S YOU! We both just need to dyke out and move closer together. Lesbianism as the solution to the world’s problems – or at least to dating dilemmas. But actually, we lived together, and I don’t think that is the solution to anything, regardless of how much we’ve both grown up since then.
Okay, again for the promised update:
I got a job. I need to change that profile. I’m in the high-rolling business of historic preservation now, after having moved to America’s Siberia. I know sg’s complaining that it’s 80. On the 22nd of October, it was 70 degrees. On the 23rd of October, it was 50 degrees. On the 24th of October, it was 30 degrees, and it hasn’t been above since. We’ve had 6 inches of snow in the last 24 hours, I had my first great experience digging Gertie (my car) out from under the plow drifts, and I’ve gotten out the snow boots, as well as the rest of the gear. Winter hath come. On the plus side, I did finally get the dent in my car fixed (dinged in a parking lot last March, couldn’t open the driver’s side door all the way, total ghetto car.) After I explained to the body shop guy that I just wanted to be able to open the door all the way, and that I truly didn’t care what the car looked like (Gertie has a beautiful soul...), he just pulled the dent out with a neat little car-guy tool and sent me on my merry, snowy way. Fantastic. I love it when scheduled adult things end up being mostly painless!
Remember when Jeff (his name is Jeff, isn’t it) told you that you’re really looking for your best friend in dates/potential mates? I.e. – you want to date me and I want to date you? I’m thinking he may be right. I don’t know why the freak-o, I never got over role playing, I still own swords and have no social skills dudes are attracted to you. But in general, you find men that are, in some way, unavailable. They are unwilling to committ. “What makes you hot? Something that you want but you haven’t got...” They dance out of your reach at every possible step of the game. THAT’S ME. I tend to attract the relatively stable, interested in long-term committment, want to be sweet and romantic types that are cute at first and then seem clingy and overbearing, mainly because I’m committment-phobic. THAT’S YOU! We both just need to dyke out and move closer together. Lesbianism as the solution to the world’s problems – or at least to dating dilemmas. But actually, we lived together, and I don’t think that is the solution to anything, regardless of how much we’ve both grown up since then.