Heh. To answer the question about the how many clicks it takes to get to the alternate dimension Wicked Moxie... It took me three. This is what I found. If that's not Bizarro Wicked Moxie, I don't know what is :)
14 October 2004
To tell Susan's secrets, I think she's trying to find a balance between the part of her that wants to hang all the laundry on the line -- clean and dirty together -- and the social sense that maybe, if you don't want the neighbors commenting on your naughty lingerie, you shouldn't hang it out. She's alive, but broken. Alas, as she has not done so, it is my duty to report that Stella, the Mini, is dead. She left the world due to one woman's space cadet moment (a moment which broke Susan, too). Life goes on, I suppose.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not a trusting person. Ask Susan. I used to drive her nuts because I wouldn't tell her anything. I have a few good friends now that I've known for a long time, people I feel comfortable telling almost anything. This has restored my trust in humanity -- meaning that I now know there are people I can trust, not that I do trust all of them. In return, I've opened up like the vast prairies I live in. That, combined with a general "fuck it" attitude towards what other people think about my life and choices (most of the time -- sometimes I do care, especially if it is the opinion of someone I care about), and I feel more comfortable with my self and expressions thereof.
And there is an instinct. I've learned to trust mine, as they rarely lead me astray. You are part of that proof. So is Susan. And the SO.
Why would anyone's sexual exploits make me blush? How does what you've done in (or out) of bed affect me in a way worthy of blushing? And for making you blush, all I have to say is:
ROOTIE TUTTI FRESH AND FRUITY
'nuff said.
What do you mean about thinking like a guy? Explain. I've gotten far enough into guy land to know that guys do not do subtle and it is not worth my effort to hint. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally try it, but it is worthless. The number of times I've started a hint to the SO and then, mid-stream, changed tactics to say: This is how I feel, this is what I want, here's what would make me happiest, how do you feel about it? is amazing. It's the only way that gets results, though. What else do I need to know? Next lesson, please.
Worse scenario: being single when you see the ex-so again. Being in a bad relationship, you have a reason (even if you don't think it's a good one) to not do anything that could be considered, in retrospect, stupid.
So, despite the fact that we've nowhere near exhausted the topic, shall we move on, leaving the ages old question to continue festering like a pus-filled social wound?
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm not a trusting person. Ask Susan. I used to drive her nuts because I wouldn't tell her anything. I have a few good friends now that I've known for a long time, people I feel comfortable telling almost anything. This has restored my trust in humanity -- meaning that I now know there are people I can trust, not that I do trust all of them. In return, I've opened up like the vast prairies I live in. That, combined with a general "fuck it" attitude towards what other people think about my life and choices (most of the time -- sometimes I do care, especially if it is the opinion of someone I care about), and I feel more comfortable with my self and expressions thereof.
And there is an instinct. I've learned to trust mine, as they rarely lead me astray. You are part of that proof. So is Susan. And the SO.
Why would anyone's sexual exploits make me blush? How does what you've done in (or out) of bed affect me in a way worthy of blushing? And for making you blush, all I have to say is:
ROOTIE TUTTI FRESH AND FRUITY
'nuff said.
What do you mean about thinking like a guy? Explain. I've gotten far enough into guy land to know that guys do not do subtle and it is not worth my effort to hint. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally try it, but it is worthless. The number of times I've started a hint to the SO and then, mid-stream, changed tactics to say: This is how I feel, this is what I want, here's what would make me happiest, how do you feel about it? is amazing. It's the only way that gets results, though. What else do I need to know? Next lesson, please.
Worse scenario: being single when you see the ex-so again. Being in a bad relationship, you have a reason (even if you don't think it's a good one) to not do anything that could be considered, in retrospect, stupid.
So, despite the fact that we've nowhere near exhausted the topic, shall we move on, leaving the ages old question to continue festering like a pus-filled social wound?
13 October 2004
Oh yeah, pretty familiar with the topic :)
In my cases, I used to think that I was so smart, I could just be honest and put everything out there and no one would get hurt. You know, not leading anyone on. What I didn't take into account was the perception of my actions versus what I was saying. So on one hand, I would tell someone "this is a temporary situation". On the other, I would do things that made them feel as if they were in a real relationship. So when it would finally explode, I couldn't understand why it didn't work and we couldn't just go back to being friends. I've inadvertently "dumped" a few girls without even knowing that we were really dating in their minds.
On being friends with ex's: Fortunately for me, the high school relationship ended badly enough for me to not to want to see her again, the college relationship ended on worse terms, and the most recent one is already married, and we were never really friends to begin with. Of the three, the only one I've spoken one word to since breaking up is the college ex. Took me six years to get over what happened between us. But she is married now, happy, and best of all, in Australia, far, far away from here. I honestly believe we could be friends now. Can't say it didn't hurt just a little bit more than I thought it would to see her wedding picture, but enh, whatareyagonnado? Having said all that, I think it is hard to avoid old feelings coming back to the surface if you have to spend any kind of extended amount of time with an ex. This is especially dangerous when things aren't good in your current relationship.
On to loving your friends: I agree. I was going to say that I also believed it possible to love a friend as much or even more than a SO, although that really doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? Kind of goes against the definition of Significant Other. Also, you are certainly right to point out that the friend can get away with much more than a SO. The friend gets all of the same love at a fraction of the cost charged to a SO. I think what I'm trying to get at, even trying to explain it to myself, is that we should respect the position of a SO. They are the ones who always have to be there, no matter what. They are the ones that have to deal with your crap on a daily basis. It is far easier to come in as the friend and really brighten someone's life for short periods at a time, especially when you don't have to live with them 24/7. I speak from personal experience here, folks. It is simply not that difficult to steal someone away if you really wanted to. Perhaps if everyone just had "friends w/benefits" type relationships, we could cut out most of the drama. Thing is, it would be difficult to have families under such a system. I don't know how everyone else deals with it, but the best thing I learned from my college ex is that once I give my heart to someone, no one else can have it until and unless it is given back to me. Otherwise, I would be wise to follow the imaginings of my younger self and stay The Eternal Bachelor(tm). Thank you, good night, and remember--Vote Republican. Sorry, caught myself preaching again :)
To the issue of trust: This may be a poor way to look at it, but having had my trust broken already several times, I feel that I have no choice other than to trust those I believe worthy. What I've learned is that you really never know someone. I think it's best to go with your gut feeling, mostly because it's entirely too sad of a world if you can't even do that. Take a shot and hope for the best. That really goes against all my younger, idealistic beliefs, but this is the person I am now. Hopefully, it won't get any worse than that. Honesty can do much to make the issue of trust an easier one. The more open you can be with someone, it would seem the more you can trust them. I sometimes like to operate on the MAD system (Mutually Assured Destruction) on secrets. I tell you something you can use against me, you tell me something I can use against you. Tends to deter the urge to go telling everyone how I still wet the bed at age 29 (I'm kidding, I'm kidding). Some lucky folks get the benefit of my trust from a gut feeling that makes the trust implicit, even when I have no logical reason whatsoever to bestow such trust. Obviously, Kate knows she belongs to that group of people for me. I can not stress enough how much I wish the world operated under different rules. But this is the hand I was dealt, and I plan to play with it.
Yeah, I know you two aren't nymphos. I am, though :) I just can't help but feel if people were more open about these sorts of things, there wouldn't be quite so much drama in the world, or at least in our country... girls, if you're going to bed a guy, you might want to try thinking like one. Might save you some trouble afterward.
Fun to make me blush, eh? You can't even see me. Even if you COULD see me, you still couldn't tell! Perhaps I should regale you with tales of my sexual conquests... that is, if you have one or two minutes to spare ;)
Oh, one other thing... you were talking to Susan? That means she's not dead. If she's not dead, then it is likely she could still type. If she can still type, she may have access to a computer. If she has access to a computer, can type, and is not dead, then WHY THE HELL DOESN'T SHE BLOG ANYMORE? Just curious :)
In my cases, I used to think that I was so smart, I could just be honest and put everything out there and no one would get hurt. You know, not leading anyone on. What I didn't take into account was the perception of my actions versus what I was saying. So on one hand, I would tell someone "this is a temporary situation". On the other, I would do things that made them feel as if they were in a real relationship. So when it would finally explode, I couldn't understand why it didn't work and we couldn't just go back to being friends. I've inadvertently "dumped" a few girls without even knowing that we were really dating in their minds.
On being friends with ex's: Fortunately for me, the high school relationship ended badly enough for me to not to want to see her again, the college relationship ended on worse terms, and the most recent one is already married, and we were never really friends to begin with. Of the three, the only one I've spoken one word to since breaking up is the college ex. Took me six years to get over what happened between us. But she is married now, happy, and best of all, in Australia, far, far away from here. I honestly believe we could be friends now. Can't say it didn't hurt just a little bit more than I thought it would to see her wedding picture, but enh, whatareyagonnado? Having said all that, I think it is hard to avoid old feelings coming back to the surface if you have to spend any kind of extended amount of time with an ex. This is especially dangerous when things aren't good in your current relationship.
On to loving your friends: I agree. I was going to say that I also believed it possible to love a friend as much or even more than a SO, although that really doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? Kind of goes against the definition of Significant Other. Also, you are certainly right to point out that the friend can get away with much more than a SO. The friend gets all of the same love at a fraction of the cost charged to a SO. I think what I'm trying to get at, even trying to explain it to myself, is that we should respect the position of a SO. They are the ones who always have to be there, no matter what. They are the ones that have to deal with your crap on a daily basis. It is far easier to come in as the friend and really brighten someone's life for short periods at a time, especially when you don't have to live with them 24/7. I speak from personal experience here, folks. It is simply not that difficult to steal someone away if you really wanted to. Perhaps if everyone just had "friends w/benefits" type relationships, we could cut out most of the drama. Thing is, it would be difficult to have families under such a system. I don't know how everyone else deals with it, but the best thing I learned from my college ex is that once I give my heart to someone, no one else can have it until and unless it is given back to me. Otherwise, I would be wise to follow the imaginings of my younger self and stay The Eternal Bachelor(tm). Thank you, good night, and remember--Vote Republican. Sorry, caught myself preaching again :)
To the issue of trust: This may be a poor way to look at it, but having had my trust broken already several times, I feel that I have no choice other than to trust those I believe worthy. What I've learned is that you really never know someone. I think it's best to go with your gut feeling, mostly because it's entirely too sad of a world if you can't even do that. Take a shot and hope for the best. That really goes against all my younger, idealistic beliefs, but this is the person I am now. Hopefully, it won't get any worse than that. Honesty can do much to make the issue of trust an easier one. The more open you can be with someone, it would seem the more you can trust them. I sometimes like to operate on the MAD system (Mutually Assured Destruction) on secrets. I tell you something you can use against me, you tell me something I can use against you. Tends to deter the urge to go telling everyone how I still wet the bed at age 29 (I'm kidding, I'm kidding). Some lucky folks get the benefit of my trust from a gut feeling that makes the trust implicit, even when I have no logical reason whatsoever to bestow such trust. Obviously, Kate knows she belongs to that group of people for me. I can not stress enough how much I wish the world operated under different rules. But this is the hand I was dealt, and I plan to play with it.
Yeah, I know you two aren't nymphos. I am, though :) I just can't help but feel if people were more open about these sorts of things, there wouldn't be quite so much drama in the world, or at least in our country... girls, if you're going to bed a guy, you might want to try thinking like one. Might save you some trouble afterward.
Fun to make me blush, eh? You can't even see me. Even if you COULD see me, you still couldn't tell! Perhaps I should regale you with tales of my sexual conquests... that is, if you have one or two minutes to spare ;)
Oh, one other thing... you were talking to Susan? That means she's not dead. If she's not dead, then it is likely she could still type. If she can still type, she may have access to a computer. If she has access to a computer, can type, and is not dead, then WHY THE HELL DOESN'T SHE BLOG ANYMORE? Just curious :)
To answer the "what brought this on" question: For the majority of my life, I've had a good number of male friends. In high school, more male than female; college, obviously I had more female friends. A few of the friendships have "crossed that line" in some small way or another, and in all cases except one, that's ruined or severely damaged the relationship. Am I putting too much out there to say that you are the exception? Those thoughts were brought up when considering, on the phone with Susan, whether you can be friends with an ex, a conversation begun because the SO was visiting his ex (okay, visiting his daughter, but she lives with his ex). So that's where it started.
And so it grows: How much can you love a friend? As far as I can tell, as deeply as an SO, maybe more so. Friends get more leeway -- you let them get away with things you won't let your SO get away with. Why? I haven't a clue. A friend can go off into her world and life and not call you for a while, and you both live, get through it, and move on. Would I be totally pissed if a guy I was dating did this? Hell yes! There seems to be a different depth, and a different kind of emotion involved. Maybe if our romances were more like friendships, they'd last longer.
It can create problems. Trust is an almost universal issue. I don't know why. And you can't get out of by saying of your significant other: I trust you; I just don't trust her (or him). Doesn't cut it. I think that I gain, from my deep mixed gender friendships, knowledge that my women friends just don't have. Insight into the mysterious male mind. I understand women. I fail to understand men. I don't need to understand you, truly, but there is a desire to "solve" the puzzle. Ha!
As for the issue of birth control: I have never left that to a guy, save once. Youth makes one stupid. I think those decision should, ideally, be made mutually, but since the consequences may affect me, I never leave it to someone else. Or to chance. Fate is a fickle mistress, and one I do not care to woo.
And for the record, Susan and I are not nymphos. We just like to talk. About everything. Including sex. So do the majority of women I know. Most of them just don't ever share it with you boys. I guess maybe we're just doing public service for you. I know you're not currently seeing someone, but there is a woman out there who will appreciate you knowing what you know AND being able to talk about it. Also, it's just fun to make you blush. It's worth the hard work it takes to make that happen.
Honestly, you must know a lot about this topic. You have a good number of women friends.
And so it grows: How much can you love a friend? As far as I can tell, as deeply as an SO, maybe more so. Friends get more leeway -- you let them get away with things you won't let your SO get away with. Why? I haven't a clue. A friend can go off into her world and life and not call you for a while, and you both live, get through it, and move on. Would I be totally pissed if a guy I was dating did this? Hell yes! There seems to be a different depth, and a different kind of emotion involved. Maybe if our romances were more like friendships, they'd last longer.
It can create problems. Trust is an almost universal issue. I don't know why. And you can't get out of by saying of your significant other: I trust you; I just don't trust her (or him). Doesn't cut it. I think that I gain, from my deep mixed gender friendships, knowledge that my women friends just don't have. Insight into the mysterious male mind. I understand women. I fail to understand men. I don't need to understand you, truly, but there is a desire to "solve" the puzzle. Ha!
As for the issue of birth control: I have never left that to a guy, save once. Youth makes one stupid. I think those decision should, ideally, be made mutually, but since the consequences may affect me, I never leave it to someone else. Or to chance. Fate is a fickle mistress, and one I do not care to woo.
And for the record, Susan and I are not nymphos. We just like to talk. About everything. Including sex. So do the majority of women I know. Most of them just don't ever share it with you boys. I guess maybe we're just doing public service for you. I know you're not currently seeing someone, but there is a woman out there who will appreciate you knowing what you know AND being able to talk about it. Also, it's just fun to make you blush. It's worth the hard work it takes to make that happen.
Honestly, you must know a lot about this topic. You have a good number of women friends.
12 October 2004
Alright, alright... I forgot about you two nymphos. You still have to remember you two represent a VERY small minority among the women I know. The rest of them would rather die than admit to it :)
What you said about women being more cautious about choosing sexual encounters makes perfect sense. However, guys recognize the danger of pregnancy as well... even though they don't physically have to live with it, it still causes a big enough problem to make you think twice before taking a chance. And not all of us can pay women off like pro athletes. What's funny to me personally is that of the few one-time sexual encounters I've had, I trusted women on at least four different occasions to be the one to make the call about using protection, and each time they didn't seem to mind taking a chance, or letting me know if they were on the pill or not. Go figure. I'm not talking about 18 year olds here, either. Most of these women were plenty old enough to know better.
So here's a question... how much can you love someone that is your friend? Especially when that friend is of the opposite gender? Mixed gender deep friendships are certainly a different breed than that of same gender ones. Not only that, but you're asking for trouble from a significant other when you have a few friends of the opposite sex. Heh. Not like I have to worry about that these days :)
I think another part of the problem is the concept of physical representations of emotional feelings. This is gonna sound gay as all hell, but you can't exactly kiss your guy friends to show them how much you love them (I know, it actually is possible, but not in this country). But if your friend is a girl... well, that kind of opens some doors, now doesn't it?
So what brought all this on for you? I meant to ask that last post.
What you said about women being more cautious about choosing sexual encounters makes perfect sense. However, guys recognize the danger of pregnancy as well... even though they don't physically have to live with it, it still causes a big enough problem to make you think twice before taking a chance. And not all of us can pay women off like pro athletes. What's funny to me personally is that of the few one-time sexual encounters I've had, I trusted women on at least four different occasions to be the one to make the call about using protection, and each time they didn't seem to mind taking a chance, or letting me know if they were on the pill or not. Go figure. I'm not talking about 18 year olds here, either. Most of these women were plenty old enough to know better.
So here's a question... how much can you love someone that is your friend? Especially when that friend is of the opposite gender? Mixed gender deep friendships are certainly a different breed than that of same gender ones. Not only that, but you're asking for trouble from a significant other when you have a few friends of the opposite sex. Heh. Not like I have to worry about that these days :)
I think another part of the problem is the concept of physical representations of emotional feelings. This is gonna sound gay as all hell, but you can't exactly kiss your guy friends to show them how much you love them (I know, it actually is possible, but not in this country). But if your friend is a girl... well, that kind of opens some doors, now doesn't it?
So what brought all this on for you? I meant to ask that last post.