Piggy heaven?
Yeah, I know. The ball and chain was enacted Saturday night. On the plus side, I saw people I haven't seen in 15 and 20 years. I've grown up since then, just a little.
Here's the best part:
This was the first wedding I've attended in years where it was evident that the two people at the altar (for the entire hour-plus Catholic ceremony) KNEW WHY THEY WERE THERE! I've been to too many weddings where the couple is so tied up in The Event that it seems they forget that they're supposed to be in love and want to be with each other.
The Wedding has trumped The Marriage in our culture, and hence the divorce rates. It's ridiculous.
Every so often, I wonder what it might feel like to be willing to commit my life to someone else's, make that public pledge, and have friends and family celebrate it. And then I realize that I could take a month-long honeymoon/vacation in some really nice location for what the average wedding now costs (which is close to what my student loans add up to) and realize I'd rather travel than wear a white dress in front of my family and friends (friends who would know the undeserved nature of the "white" symbolism).
So that, plus the beach added up to a pretty decent weekend. I had a good time. I hate airports, but I guess the trip was worth it.
Do anything fun this weekend?
I guess I need an SO who can discuss things with me, who isn't afraid to share his opinion, and who is willing to tell me that he thinks I'm wrong sometimes. I do want a partnership, not just a relationship. Is that too much to ask?
19 October 2004
15 October 2004
Have fun watching yet another one chain themselves away for perpetuity. Your turn will come.
Enh, everyone is different about casual sex. I certainly didn't mean to imply that women aren't capable of it, because I know better. I've been on the other side of the coin myself once or twice, y'know, had my heart broken by a vicious woman who used me for sex (and I enjoyed every minute of it). I just don't know if some of them are aware of what they're in for... could just save us all a little time and trouble. Then again, what fun is the world without petty drama?
What was this guy's reason for not defending himself to you? You see, it's one thing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to assert themselves. Being pretty unassuming myself, I see where people like that are coming from. The thought process goes as follows: A decision needs to be made. Who is more likely to bitch about a decision they aren't pleased with, me or her? If it's her, I let her choose instead of having her accept a choice from me that I will pay for later, even though she will swear it's okay. If it's me, I make a suggestion. In my last relationship, in 99% of the cases where this issue came up, I chose to let her decide. The ONE time I laid down the rules, I couldn't even get the little things I was asking for. End result: birthday blow up I posted about way back, end of relationship. I mean, I could easily go around pushing for my way all the time... truth is, I have strong feelings on just about everything. I still don't see the point in it. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Subtle control, my ass. You're just asking to get chopped up into little pieces when you're sleeping. How many people, men and women alike, just take it and take it and take it for years, then wake up one morning and chop their families up like it's a normal day? Not that I've put a lot of thought into that... ;)
Okay, fine--it's not really alternate dimension Wicked Moxie. Truth is, I had been clicking all day, and got tired of it :) I just wish I could have seen your face when you reached Piggy Heaven ;)
Enh, everyone is different about casual sex. I certainly didn't mean to imply that women aren't capable of it, because I know better. I've been on the other side of the coin myself once or twice, y'know, had my heart broken by a vicious woman who used me for sex (and I enjoyed every minute of it). I just don't know if some of them are aware of what they're in for... could just save us all a little time and trouble. Then again, what fun is the world without petty drama?
What was this guy's reason for not defending himself to you? You see, it's one thing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to assert themselves. Being pretty unassuming myself, I see where people like that are coming from. The thought process goes as follows: A decision needs to be made. Who is more likely to bitch about a decision they aren't pleased with, me or her? If it's her, I let her choose instead of having her accept a choice from me that I will pay for later, even though she will swear it's okay. If it's me, I make a suggestion. In my last relationship, in 99% of the cases where this issue came up, I chose to let her decide. The ONE time I laid down the rules, I couldn't even get the little things I was asking for. End result: birthday blow up I posted about way back, end of relationship. I mean, I could easily go around pushing for my way all the time... truth is, I have strong feelings on just about everything. I still don't see the point in it. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Subtle control, my ass. You're just asking to get chopped up into little pieces when you're sleeping. How many people, men and women alike, just take it and take it and take it for years, then wake up one morning and chop their families up like it's a normal day? Not that I've put a lot of thought into that... ;)
Okay, fine--it's not really alternate dimension Wicked Moxie. Truth is, I had been clicking all day, and got tired of it :) I just wish I could have seen your face when you reached Piggy Heaven ;)
14 October 2004
There's nothing wrong with your sexuality, dude. But it did make you blush. Susan is ruthless when she gets it into her head to be. You should've heard her on the topic of masturbation. Oh, wait, you knew us in college and probably did.
Well, okay, I see your point. But on the flip side, maybe you need to be thinking like a girl, too, and then maybe we can meet in the middle and work it out. I don't know if I'm smarter or just more full of self-knowledge, but I've known forever that casual sex and I don't mix. Oil and water. So I just skipped it. (Same deal with fraternity parties. Never been, don't care.)
I don't think I'm a particularly bitchy person. Please feel free to "correct" me if I am wrong. But the only time I've gone into full-on, raving Bitch mode (not counting the thing with the drugs --prescription, not illegal -- back in grad school) was when I dated a guy with no backbone. If you, the guy, have a backbone, stand up for yourself, have opinions and beliefs on things, I can respect that. The guy in question didn't ever have an opinion on anything. Politics: nothing. Movies: nothing. Where do you want to go eat tonight: nothing. I started pushing. And then I started creating issues and pushing him around to see if he'd tell me to stop. Nope. So I started fights to see if he'd stand up for himself and his opinion/point of view. Nope. Can't respect someone with no opinion. I would assume this would work the other way, too. It isn't a matter of either side being rude or mean -- it's a matter of being in a relationship with two responsible adults who can, if need be, agree to disagree about a matter. Of course, you're right: some people use this as an excuse to be bitchy all the time.
Nagging and being bossy I think are the remnants of "subtle" control. Back when women had no legal, political, or economic power, what they did have was the power to make their husbands' lives miserable to get him to reconsider decision that affected her. Many settlers to the early Dacotah Territory left in the first five years. In these days, a wife didn't really have the option of saying, "I don't want to leave my nice home, family, friends, and familiar city to be a pioneer with you, honey." She could not leave him and frequently couldn't stay behind. So, they moved from forested pretty Minnesota and Wisconsin, or the cities in the East, to the vast, open, uncharted and uncivilised barren prairie. My theory is then that the wife could be unpleasant enough to make the hard first few years even harder if she really wanted to go home. Would work, too.
She said:
I TOTALLY disagree. I teach grammar, and therefore am not allowed to talk like a piggy. So what's the classification of Wicked Moxie? Where do we fit in the blog-verse? Have we found the question yet?
Maybe that's the blog insight: we may think we are pretty little snowflakes, but we all slog through the same shit on a daily basis and we'd be much better off if we all realized it and shared the experience rather than attempting to go it alone. We are quirky, not unique. We don't need to establish that we are totally bizarre individuals for people to like us and love us and miss us when we die. We can spend too much effort attempting to be that unique, effort that could be directed towards enjoying this mortal coil.
As the cool winds blow and Demeter sinks into her annual depression, missing Persephone's warm presence in her life, we can be assured that the only constant is change and that change, even when it is a repeated pattern, is the reason thate we find our lives worth living. We must find out what happens next.
From Wallace Stevens' Sunday Morning (stanza V, lines 61-65)
She says, "But in contentment I still feel
The need of some imperishable bliss."
Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her,
Alone, shall come fulfilment to our dreams
And our desires
Well, okay, I see your point. But on the flip side, maybe you need to be thinking like a girl, too, and then maybe we can meet in the middle and work it out. I don't know if I'm smarter or just more full of self-knowledge, but I've known forever that casual sex and I don't mix. Oil and water. So I just skipped it. (Same deal with fraternity parties. Never been, don't care.)
I don't think I'm a particularly bitchy person. Please feel free to "correct" me if I am wrong. But the only time I've gone into full-on, raving Bitch mode (not counting the thing with the drugs --prescription, not illegal -- back in grad school) was when I dated a guy with no backbone. If you, the guy, have a backbone, stand up for yourself, have opinions and beliefs on things, I can respect that. The guy in question didn't ever have an opinion on anything. Politics: nothing. Movies: nothing. Where do you want to go eat tonight: nothing. I started pushing. And then I started creating issues and pushing him around to see if he'd tell me to stop. Nope. So I started fights to see if he'd stand up for himself and his opinion/point of view. Nope. Can't respect someone with no opinion. I would assume this would work the other way, too. It isn't a matter of either side being rude or mean -- it's a matter of being in a relationship with two responsible adults who can, if need be, agree to disagree about a matter. Of course, you're right: some people use this as an excuse to be bitchy all the time.
Nagging and being bossy I think are the remnants of "subtle" control. Back when women had no legal, political, or economic power, what they did have was the power to make their husbands' lives miserable to get him to reconsider decision that affected her. Many settlers to the early Dacotah Territory left in the first five years. In these days, a wife didn't really have the option of saying, "I don't want to leave my nice home, family, friends, and familiar city to be a pioneer with you, honey." She could not leave him and frequently couldn't stay behind. So, they moved from forested pretty Minnesota and Wisconsin, or the cities in the East, to the vast, open, uncharted and uncivilised barren prairie. My theory is then that the wife could be unpleasant enough to make the hard first few years even harder if she really wanted to go home. Would work, too.
She said:
I TOTALLY disagree. I teach grammar, and therefore am not allowed to talk like a piggy. So what's the classification of Wicked Moxie? Where do we fit in the blog-verse? Have we found the question yet?
Maybe that's the blog insight: we may think we are pretty little snowflakes, but we all slog through the same shit on a daily basis and we'd be much better off if we all realized it and shared the experience rather than attempting to go it alone. We are quirky, not unique. We don't need to establish that we are totally bizarre individuals for people to like us and love us and miss us when we die. We can spend too much effort attempting to be that unique, effort that could be directed towards enjoying this mortal coil.
As the cool winds blow and Demeter sinks into her annual depression, missing Persephone's warm presence in her life, we can be assured that the only constant is change and that change, even when it is a repeated pattern, is the reason thate we find our lives worth living. We must find out what happens next.
From Wallace Stevens' Sunday Morning (stanza V, lines 61-65)
She says, "But in contentment I still feel
The need of some imperishable bliss."
Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her,
Alone, shall come fulfilment to our dreams
And our desires
Ah, I am sorry to hear about Susan and her little moto... why do all the good ones die young? Anyway, her presence is missed, and we'll see her whenever she comes back.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH A MAN LIKING HIS ROOTY TOOTY FRESH AND FRUITY (Cinnamon-Apple, please)? I am still comfortable in my sexuality. Besides, I was young... and stupid... back then... ;)
As for my comment about thinking like a guy, it was part of a longer rant I took out of the post. I'm tired of seeing women throw themselves at men thinking they're going to change something about the relationship, sort of a last-ditch "why doesn't he love me?" type manuever. Most men have the innate ability to totally separate sex and love. As a woman, I think you would do well to be aware of this fact. However, it doesn't mean they will always do so. I just haven't met many women capable of handling casual sex, especially the after-effects. In my experience, I somehow misled the woman in all the cases where it fell apart that there was something more to be had... but I didn't realize that I had done so until it was too late--I thought we were both on the same page. Next thing I know, they're crying on the phone wondering why we broke up, and I'm thinking to myself "we were dating?"... Anyway, enough of my dirty laundry for now. I hope that answers your question, and feel free to ask me about any other strange man-activity you've seen.
Actually, let's stay here for one more sec... I have a question for you, the women of the world. I was blog-hopping just yesterday, and came across a blog written by a girl who lamented the end of a three year relationship in which it finally came out that she thought he was a pushover, and he thought she was a bitch. Part of what she had to say caught my eye... she mentioned that she needed a strong man to stand up to her. Now I've heard this from other women, and I can't say I understand it. Does she mean to say she fully recognizes that she is by default bitchy, and that she needs a man to fire right back at her and put her in her place? My latest ex said the same thing to me, said I should call her on it whenever she was being bitchy (problem with that was I'd be doing every five seconds). Is this a common thing among women? Is this some sort of an excuse for being bitchy? Where does the drive to bitch and nag come from? What is it you hope to gain from it? Help a brother out here. I mean, I am a pushover by default, but if you give me the green light, I can make your life a living hell in short order. I just don't see the point in it.
Motion to move on granted...
Next topic: You are not special... You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake... (aka Life's Lessons from Fight Club)
He said: So indeed lately I have been blog-hopping. Just click the old "Next Blog" button up there at the top-right corner of the page and you'll see for yourself. Admittedly, many of the blogs are in languages other than English, so you may have to give it a couple clicks. I think the most alarming thought I had not soon into hopping around was how easily you can classify people's blogs. You have your political blogs, your poetry blogs, your "what is the meaning of it all?" blogs (my personal one falls into this category), your "this is what's going on in my life" blogs (mine also falls into this category), your "why can't I find a man/woman?" blogs, your TeEn AnGsT blogs, your "I'm having more sex than you because I'm a girl and men want me, in fact let me describe to you in brutal detail how much sex I'm having" blogs, and, of course, Miscellaneous :)
So to the point: Kinda scary when you think about how many different people have blogs. Scarier still how they mostly end up saying the same thing. How many clicks would it take to get to the alternate dimension Wicked Moxie? Try it and see. Are we all really different, or are we all pretty much the same? Kinda makes me think of The Hitchiker's Guide, where humans are basically one big distributed super computer whose purpose is to answer the ultimate question.
You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your wallet. YOU ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING KHAKIS. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH A MAN LIKING HIS ROOTY TOOTY FRESH AND FRUITY (Cinnamon-Apple, please)? I am still comfortable in my sexuality. Besides, I was young... and stupid... back then... ;)
As for my comment about thinking like a guy, it was part of a longer rant I took out of the post. I'm tired of seeing women throw themselves at men thinking they're going to change something about the relationship, sort of a last-ditch "why doesn't he love me?" type manuever. Most men have the innate ability to totally separate sex and love. As a woman, I think you would do well to be aware of this fact. However, it doesn't mean they will always do so. I just haven't met many women capable of handling casual sex, especially the after-effects. In my experience, I somehow misled the woman in all the cases where it fell apart that there was something more to be had... but I didn't realize that I had done so until it was too late--I thought we were both on the same page. Next thing I know, they're crying on the phone wondering why we broke up, and I'm thinking to myself "we were dating?"... Anyway, enough of my dirty laundry for now. I hope that answers your question, and feel free to ask me about any other strange man-activity you've seen.
Actually, let's stay here for one more sec... I have a question for you, the women of the world. I was blog-hopping just yesterday, and came across a blog written by a girl who lamented the end of a three year relationship in which it finally came out that she thought he was a pushover, and he thought she was a bitch. Part of what she had to say caught my eye... she mentioned that she needed a strong man to stand up to her. Now I've heard this from other women, and I can't say I understand it. Does she mean to say she fully recognizes that she is by default bitchy, and that she needs a man to fire right back at her and put her in her place? My latest ex said the same thing to me, said I should call her on it whenever she was being bitchy (problem with that was I'd be doing every five seconds). Is this a common thing among women? Is this some sort of an excuse for being bitchy? Where does the drive to bitch and nag come from? What is it you hope to gain from it? Help a brother out here. I mean, I am a pushover by default, but if you give me the green light, I can make your life a living hell in short order. I just don't see the point in it.
Motion to move on granted...
Next topic: You are not special... You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake... (aka Life's Lessons from Fight Club)
He said: So indeed lately I have been blog-hopping. Just click the old "Next Blog" button up there at the top-right corner of the page and you'll see for yourself. Admittedly, many of the blogs are in languages other than English, so you may have to give it a couple clicks. I think the most alarming thought I had not soon into hopping around was how easily you can classify people's blogs. You have your political blogs, your poetry blogs, your "what is the meaning of it all?" blogs (my personal one falls into this category), your "this is what's going on in my life" blogs (mine also falls into this category), your "why can't I find a man/woman?" blogs, your TeEn AnGsT blogs, your "I'm having more sex than you because I'm a girl and men want me, in fact let me describe to you in brutal detail how much sex I'm having" blogs, and, of course, Miscellaneous :)
So to the point: Kinda scary when you think about how many different people have blogs. Scarier still how they mostly end up saying the same thing. How many clicks would it take to get to the alternate dimension Wicked Moxie? Try it and see. Are we all really different, or are we all pretty much the same? Kinda makes me think of The Hitchiker's Guide, where humans are basically one big distributed super computer whose purpose is to answer the ultimate question.
You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You are not the contents of your wallet. YOU ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING KHAKIS. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.