Okay, did EVERYTHING change on the blog? It doesn't look the same!
I wasn't actually at my desk today -- out reviewing cell tower locations. Interestingly enough, although this seemed like a problem site, it seems like maybe the best location in the city for its lack of visual impact on culturally-significant sites. Cool. Usually, the cell towers are a problem -- a losing battle.
Good to see Susan back. Taking a break can be a really good thing.
Oh, and on the windows and siding, I have a ton to say, and I can justify it as work-related (educational outreach) and will save that for Monday. Haven't forgotten.
My upcoming weekend: escorting the s.o., daughter and her friend to a ballet. Will report later.
27 February 2004
24 February 2004
Goddesses above – Daniel’s a Techie???? Ack! Okay, well, you write remarkably well for a Techie, and coherence has never been a strong point of this blog. Forgiven.
I did build a database – it is a simple one to keep track of the technical assistance requests I receive. By technical assistance, I mean sending out packets of information explaining the National Register of Historic Places, tax credits and incentives, grants, and assistance on actual construction projects (explaining why vinyl siding and replacement windows are BAD and WRONG.) It is in Access. We do not have an integrated database system, and our department has not moved past basic database systems (I dream that it may happen someday!). This isn’t my first database – I built one as an intern at the Oregon SHPO a few summers back. Again, Access, but they are moving to an Oracle system currently.
Anyway, have you ever considered that, beyond biological imperatives and “social order” (which you seem to conceptualize as a universal system in your last post), there are political and cultural factors that may be greater than both? A highly educated and wealthy woman has no better access than a poorer family to the support systems necessary to raise children. She may be able to hire someone else to do it, but that isn’t a support system. We, as Americans, do not really support Motherhood or Parenthood in a substantial way.
With credits to Naomi Wolf, I call for a REVOLUTION! Wolf states, in her book “The Beauty Myth,” that the right-wing concern over homosexual partnerships is a deflection, a smoke-and-mirrors routine designed to distract us from the fact that our society – social, cultural, political, and economical systems – work to keep an imbalance in the standard heterosexual relationship. She cites many examples of how this work, and it does have the hard-to-hear feminist rhetoric of patriarchal power structures. The difference in her writing is that she asks MEN to recognize what this power structure, ostensibly offering them more freedom, opportunity, and power than it offers women, takes from them. It takes from a man the freedom to be sensitive and emotionally-involved, to be family-oriented, if he so chooses, to admit to not being competitively-driven, if he is not. In some ways, the existing paradigm punishes men who do not fit the Myth of Man in the same ways it punishes women for not fitting. Men have both more and less freedom than women under our current structure.
What if, Wolf asks, women and men looked beyond the myths and deceptions and paradigms? What if heterosexual partners reconceptualized their relationships as truly equal partnerships, removing the power dynamics? Are power struggles as inherent in the gender dichotomy as we are led to believe? Is the gender dichotomy what we are led to believe? What basic, underlying assumptions do we make about one another as men and women that destroy the balance before we’ve even spoken? If we questioned these assumptions, brought them into the light, what kind of personal relationships would we form? What would this do to the structure of our society? Revolution.
I did build a database – it is a simple one to keep track of the technical assistance requests I receive. By technical assistance, I mean sending out packets of information explaining the National Register of Historic Places, tax credits and incentives, grants, and assistance on actual construction projects (explaining why vinyl siding and replacement windows are BAD and WRONG.) It is in Access. We do not have an integrated database system, and our department has not moved past basic database systems (I dream that it may happen someday!). This isn’t my first database – I built one as an intern at the Oregon SHPO a few summers back. Again, Access, but they are moving to an Oracle system currently.
Anyway, have you ever considered that, beyond biological imperatives and “social order” (which you seem to conceptualize as a universal system in your last post), there are political and cultural factors that may be greater than both? A highly educated and wealthy woman has no better access than a poorer family to the support systems necessary to raise children. She may be able to hire someone else to do it, but that isn’t a support system. We, as Americans, do not really support Motherhood or Parenthood in a substantial way.
With credits to Naomi Wolf, I call for a REVOLUTION! Wolf states, in her book “The Beauty Myth,” that the right-wing concern over homosexual partnerships is a deflection, a smoke-and-mirrors routine designed to distract us from the fact that our society – social, cultural, political, and economical systems – work to keep an imbalance in the standard heterosexual relationship. She cites many examples of how this work, and it does have the hard-to-hear feminist rhetoric of patriarchal power structures. The difference in her writing is that she asks MEN to recognize what this power structure, ostensibly offering them more freedom, opportunity, and power than it offers women, takes from them. It takes from a man the freedom to be sensitive and emotionally-involved, to be family-oriented, if he so chooses, to admit to not being competitively-driven, if he is not. In some ways, the existing paradigm punishes men who do not fit the Myth of Man in the same ways it punishes women for not fitting. Men have both more and less freedom than women under our current structure.
What if, Wolf asks, women and men looked beyond the myths and deceptions and paradigms? What if heterosexual partners reconceptualized their relationships as truly equal partnerships, removing the power dynamics? Are power struggles as inherent in the gender dichotomy as we are led to believe? Is the gender dichotomy what we are led to believe? What basic, underlying assumptions do we make about one another as men and women that destroy the balance before we’ve even spoken? If we questioned these assumptions, brought them into the light, what kind of personal relationships would we form? What would this do to the structure of our society? Revolution.
22 February 2004
I hope you all celebrated National Margarita Day. Gotta love the Turbo Tangerine (no citrus fruits were harmed in the making of this drink) Margarita.
Did you ever have one of those weeks -- or a few weeks, in this case -- where all you see of yourself are the inherently negative parts? You think you're doing okay with self-image and self-esteem, and then one week you just strike yourself as the nastiest, most selfish, bitchiest and most unpleasant person on the planet? Weren't we supposed to move past these moments when we moved past adolescence? Why do we tell these poor kids that these things pass? They do lessen -- the insecurities, mass confusion, and hatred of self. They even disappear for a month or so at a time. But just like "figuring things out," it doesn't all magically get better or become alright. Why do we lie and try to sugar-coat things? I'd rather eat my grape nuts than have cocoa puffs with the g.nut hidden inside. Yuck. Just give me the fucking fiber and be up front about it.
Did you ever have one of those weeks -- or a few weeks, in this case -- where all you see of yourself are the inherently negative parts? You think you're doing okay with self-image and self-esteem, and then one week you just strike yourself as the nastiest, most selfish, bitchiest and most unpleasant person on the planet? Weren't we supposed to move past these moments when we moved past adolescence? Why do we tell these poor kids that these things pass? They do lessen -- the insecurities, mass confusion, and hatred of self. They even disappear for a month or so at a time. But just like "figuring things out," it doesn't all magically get better or become alright. Why do we lie and try to sugar-coat things? I'd rather eat my grape nuts than have cocoa puffs with the g.nut hidden inside. Yuck. Just give me the fucking fiber and be up front about it.
20 February 2004
I agree with you on several things. No one, anywhere, should ever have a child “just because they can.” What are our procreative urges based on? Is it truly biology, or is it that “biological clock” bullshit that even at my age is being shoved down my throat? I do not have a biological clock that is ticking. Maybe, like all the other clocks in my life, it was neglected and not wound and is currently not working. But I think that clock is a social construct, part of the construction of femininity and womanhood that is designed to keep my in a position that is subservient to the dominant, masculine societal paradigm.
I think that one reason that more educated, career-oriented women either wait or decide not to have children is that there is no societal support for the career mom. Either your career suffers or your domestic life suffers. I am allowed to “choose” being a career mom, but I will also be made to feel guilty about the fact that I am not and cannot be Superwoman and do EVERYTHING. I cannot have the perfectly clean house, home-cooked meals, constant supervision and chauffeuring of my children and work a 40-hour week with no institutional support for my family life. It doesn’t work. And maybe I don’t want to choose. Maybe I don’t want the guilt and maybe I don’t want to try raising children in this fucked up, every man/woman/child for herself world. I don’t have a village to help raise my child. I would have a choice of sketchy day-care centers, processed food from companies far more concerned with their profit than my health, a job with minimal family leave time, and a few billion make-work chores at home, with my personal, individual self and identity sacrificed to a greater whole. Uh, no. Maybe I don’t want to waste the 7+ years of higher education on a life that does not appeal to me.
The American Dream has always been many things to many people. Interestingly, despite the vast social changes in the years since WWII ended, the mirage of the Dream has changed little. The single-family home, on its little plot of grass, complete with garage, motor vehicle, appliances, swing sets, 2.5 kids, and dog now includes a working mother (to help pay for all the “financed” equipment in and supporting the house, not to mention the mortgage on the house) and aspirations to own a larger home and car in order to hold more consumer goods. We are no longer pursuing wealth for the leisure it affords us. We are pursuing wealth as an end in itself, and we will place ourselves in debt for the conspicuous consumption of goods we cannot afford but think we “deserve.” If we buy enough, won’t we be happy?
Oh, and on eugenics: there isn’t a panel of people you could put together who could be trusted to come up with a good way to decide who is ready or who should have kids. The idea/ideal is good, but the implementation would be catastrophic. Like communism.
I think that one reason that more educated, career-oriented women either wait or decide not to have children is that there is no societal support for the career mom. Either your career suffers or your domestic life suffers. I am allowed to “choose” being a career mom, but I will also be made to feel guilty about the fact that I am not and cannot be Superwoman and do EVERYTHING. I cannot have the perfectly clean house, home-cooked meals, constant supervision and chauffeuring of my children and work a 40-hour week with no institutional support for my family life. It doesn’t work. And maybe I don’t want to choose. Maybe I don’t want the guilt and maybe I don’t want to try raising children in this fucked up, every man/woman/child for herself world. I don’t have a village to help raise my child. I would have a choice of sketchy day-care centers, processed food from companies far more concerned with their profit than my health, a job with minimal family leave time, and a few billion make-work chores at home, with my personal, individual self and identity sacrificed to a greater whole. Uh, no. Maybe I don’t want to waste the 7+ years of higher education on a life that does not appeal to me.
The American Dream has always been many things to many people. Interestingly, despite the vast social changes in the years since WWII ended, the mirage of the Dream has changed little. The single-family home, on its little plot of grass, complete with garage, motor vehicle, appliances, swing sets, 2.5 kids, and dog now includes a working mother (to help pay for all the “financed” equipment in and supporting the house, not to mention the mortgage on the house) and aspirations to own a larger home and car in order to hold more consumer goods. We are no longer pursuing wealth for the leisure it affords us. We are pursuing wealth as an end in itself, and we will place ourselves in debt for the conspicuous consumption of goods we cannot afford but think we “deserve.” If we buy enough, won’t we be happy?
Oh, and on eugenics: there isn’t a panel of people you could put together who could be trusted to come up with a good way to decide who is ready or who should have kids. The idea/ideal is good, but the implementation would be catastrophic. Like communism.
This is a post from a listserv I belong to on the History of Sex, Sexuality, and Gender. Fascinating to know that so many people are studying this in academia, but little of what they are talking about has yet filtered down. We are so fucked up about sex in America.
Anyway:
On that note, today's kitch break is brought to you by Elinor Glyn's "This Passion Called Love" (1925) ("Would you care to sin on a tiger skin with Elinor Gyn? Or would you prefer to err with her on some other fur?"):
"What will happen to the race in general, and our civilization in particular, if the best women refrain from mother hood or limit their offspring, and leave this function to the newer citizens who are constantly coming to this country, or have recently come, from the peasantry of Europe? . . . . If only the women with intelligence, freedom of thought, strength of character, and talent had children, a race of mental giants would follow. But unfortunately very clever women each year grow less inclined to make ties, and the population is carried on through the willing, the brainless, and the mediocre, with the result that the quality of intelligence is bound to decrease. . . . Do you care, or are you quite indifferent to the future of your race? . . . .if you do care, then it is your duty to study this matter and when you have come to a conclusion, act accordingly. . . ."
Anyway:
On that note, today's kitch break is brought to you by Elinor Glyn's "This Passion Called Love" (1925) ("Would you care to sin on a tiger skin with Elinor Gyn? Or would you prefer to err with her on some other fur?"):
"What will happen to the race in general, and our civilization in particular, if the best women refrain from mother hood or limit their offspring, and leave this function to the newer citizens who are constantly coming to this country, or have recently come, from the peasantry of Europe? . . . . If only the women with intelligence, freedom of thought, strength of character, and talent had children, a race of mental giants would follow. But unfortunately very clever women each year grow less inclined to make ties, and the population is carried on through the willing, the brainless, and the mediocre, with the result that the quality of intelligence is bound to decrease. . . . Do you care, or are you quite indifferent to the future of your race? . . . .if you do care, then it is your duty to study this matter and when you have come to a conclusion, act accordingly. . . ."
18 February 2004
Dude, more electric violins? Awesome. Have to check that out.
The whole purported point of the industrial revolution was to relieve some of the monotony of production and free up more time for leisure – for all classes of people. Damn bright-eyed utopians of history. What we’ve done instead is create make-work for ourselves. Many studies and statistics – some actually true and undeniable – show that Americans work more and play less. The 40-hour work week which I am so religious about keeping at that level and no more, has become almost a myth. Almost everyone I know works past that pretty frequently. And we don’t get paid more and don’t get comp time – we just get stressed and sick and unhappy and dead younger. It’s hard to develop a life outside of work when your schedule is so rigid or so crazy that you can’t much plan ahead. Again, lack of moderation.
I built a database today. Granted, I purloined most of the fields from the Access wizard and renamed and reattributed them to suit my purposes. But still, “I made this!”
The whole purported point of the industrial revolution was to relieve some of the monotony of production and free up more time for leisure – for all classes of people. Damn bright-eyed utopians of history. What we’ve done instead is create make-work for ourselves. Many studies and statistics – some actually true and undeniable – show that Americans work more and play less. The 40-hour work week which I am so religious about keeping at that level and no more, has become almost a myth. Almost everyone I know works past that pretty frequently. And we don’t get paid more and don’t get comp time – we just get stressed and sick and unhappy and dead younger. It’s hard to develop a life outside of work when your schedule is so rigid or so crazy that you can’t much plan ahead. Again, lack of moderation.
I built a database today. Granted, I purloined most of the fields from the Access wizard and renamed and reattributed them to suit my purposes. But still, “I made this!”
17 February 2004
I’ve now been in the godsforsaken tundra for a year. And it’s been -50 and +106. Like America, the tundra’s weather has no carnal or theoretical knowledge of moderation. I am listening to crazy polka music, and enjoying it. I think polka could be one of the best workouts possible, even if you do look ridiculous. Well, spinning looks silly, too, and polka won’t hurt your delicate parts.
Hmm. Carnal knowledge of tableware. Can the spork be considered tableware? Has anyone ever made a metal spork? Now that would be a collectible worth having.
What has happened to us? We are the most powerful and richest nation in the world. And yet we have more strange diseases, more people who cannot live without drugs to support them, more incidence of truly evil violence, more indifference, and less happiness than most places. How many people do you know who can truly say that they are happy? Why? What are we doing wrong? Why do so many Americans dislike or even hate their lives? We are doing something wrong.
But see, Daniel, you can make a difference to someone. It is truly unfortunate that those PAID to care, help, and serve, do not. But personal and job responsibility seem to be highly underrated.
Hmm. Carnal knowledge of tableware. Can the spork be considered tableware? Has anyone ever made a metal spork? Now that would be a collectible worth having.
What has happened to us? We are the most powerful and richest nation in the world. And yet we have more strange diseases, more people who cannot live without drugs to support them, more incidence of truly evil violence, more indifference, and less happiness than most places. How many people do you know who can truly say that they are happy? Why? What are we doing wrong? Why do so many Americans dislike or even hate their lives? We are doing something wrong.
But see, Daniel, you can make a difference to someone. It is truly unfortunate that those PAID to care, help, and serve, do not. But personal and job responsibility seem to be highly underrated.
12 February 2004
How’s this for Freudian? A friend of mine asked for my ex-boyfriend’s email address. He is a plant person, as is she, and she had a question. No problem, right? We’ve sort of remained friends, exchanging emails occasionally. Anyway, I used Outlook’s auto-complete feature to look the address up and accidently (or subconsciously???) ended up copying him on the email to her. Fine, except that she’d asked about my plans for the weekend, which happen to include spending time with him. I didn’t say I was going to ravage his innocent body, or have wild monkey sex or anything, but I don’t really think that that’s the best way to tell your ex that you’ve found someone new, now is it? And that’s not really the way I’d like to find out. So he is understandably angry and/or upset, but he’s also being an ass about it – attempting the “you’ve just added to my shitty day/week/life” guilt trip routine. Whatever. I’m so over it. It does get to me a little. The “you’ve ruined my life” monologue is never great to hear. But it isn’t true, and I’m not unhappy that that relationship is over. But still, ooops.
11 February 2004
Yeah, I’ve been AWOL for a few days. Was hibernating over my weekend, and then traveling sans computadore the last two days. Apologies to the masses, confused, crawling, and otherwise.
Comments
Caveman: Dude. I so totally get it. Well, not so much grok it as can identify it in many instances of male behavior in my past. You make so clear, like naked jello wrestling.
Ballads: Dude. You so have to read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. Subtitle: A Low Culture Manifesto. The first chapter details why Chuck will never really be in love. Lloyd Dobler. Because all women are in love with movie love or radio love, and so are all men. How all of us Gen-Xers are in love with an image of love that we will never be happy unless we find and since it doesn’t exist, we are all doomed to disappointment.
In other news: When the b.f. went into his man-cave, just before hunking down, apparently, he wrote me a very un-guy-like letter describing a choice few of his lovely emotions towards me (the last half of that sentence are not sarcastic: it was a very sweet letter). Susan correctly identified the source of some of the guy-ness, and other parts can apparently just be attributed to having a really shitty day. Things are okay now, but partially because I learned something from my prior counciling experience. 1) I am a shitty communicator, mostly because I tend to really think my s.o. should be able to read my mind and KNOW why I am upset/mad/sad/frustrated/bitter/happy/grouchy/bitchy. 2) I can avoid many problems “down the road” if I let someone know, right after an incident, why I am upset instead of holding on to the issue for later fight fodder (this was unintentional – I was not storing up information intending to bring it up later, but since it never had seen the light of day before, anger released it.) 3) It’s best to be direct. So I told him I was pissed off, that I was not his punching bag for his bad day, and despite the fact that I KNEW I didn’t do anything, I tried to figure out what I might have done.
Last bit:
Last night rocked. I took the first of two Chinese cooking classes at community college. Unlike susan’s experience, there were no sweater vests or three-act b.s. scenarios. There were six people in the class, and to unfairly judge three of them, they are conventional late-30s career moms, over-concerned about weight and dismissive of me because of my supposed age (I realize I look about 19 or 20). I liked the crazy, thrift-store haunting semi-retired woman, and the one guy in the class who insisted notes would stultify his creativity. I got to use a commercial-grade deep fryer, and learned sweet-and-sour chicken, honey-garlic chicken wings, egg rolls, fried stuffed wontons, and a few other basics. Then, to top off cool, I got to drive through the beginnings of a blizzard to see a curling spiel. A guy I work with was playing his last game before he moves away. The club is having a beginner’s spiel next weekend, but I’m not sure that I could find a team or want to spend a day in frustration. I have to think about it. Yep, I’m a chicken. I suck so much at sports, especially team ones. Grrr. But curling rocks.
Comments
Caveman: Dude. I so totally get it. Well, not so much grok it as can identify it in many instances of male behavior in my past. You make so clear, like naked jello wrestling.
Ballads: Dude. You so have to read Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. Subtitle: A Low Culture Manifesto. The first chapter details why Chuck will never really be in love. Lloyd Dobler. Because all women are in love with movie love or radio love, and so are all men. How all of us Gen-Xers are in love with an image of love that we will never be happy unless we find and since it doesn’t exist, we are all doomed to disappointment.
In other news: When the b.f. went into his man-cave, just before hunking down, apparently, he wrote me a very un-guy-like letter describing a choice few of his lovely emotions towards me (the last half of that sentence are not sarcastic: it was a very sweet letter). Susan correctly identified the source of some of the guy-ness, and other parts can apparently just be attributed to having a really shitty day. Things are okay now, but partially because I learned something from my prior counciling experience. 1) I am a shitty communicator, mostly because I tend to really think my s.o. should be able to read my mind and KNOW why I am upset/mad/sad/frustrated/bitter/happy/grouchy/bitchy. 2) I can avoid many problems “down the road” if I let someone know, right after an incident, why I am upset instead of holding on to the issue for later fight fodder (this was unintentional – I was not storing up information intending to bring it up later, but since it never had seen the light of day before, anger released it.) 3) It’s best to be direct. So I told him I was pissed off, that I was not his punching bag for his bad day, and despite the fact that I KNEW I didn’t do anything, I tried to figure out what I might have done.
Last bit:
Last night rocked. I took the first of two Chinese cooking classes at community college. Unlike susan’s experience, there were no sweater vests or three-act b.s. scenarios. There were six people in the class, and to unfairly judge three of them, they are conventional late-30s career moms, over-concerned about weight and dismissive of me because of my supposed age (I realize I look about 19 or 20). I liked the crazy, thrift-store haunting semi-retired woman, and the one guy in the class who insisted notes would stultify his creativity. I got to use a commercial-grade deep fryer, and learned sweet-and-sour chicken, honey-garlic chicken wings, egg rolls, fried stuffed wontons, and a few other basics. Then, to top off cool, I got to drive through the beginnings of a blizzard to see a curling spiel. A guy I work with was playing his last game before he moves away. The club is having a beginner’s spiel next weekend, but I’m not sure that I could find a team or want to spend a day in frustration. I have to think about it. Yep, I’m a chicken. I suck so much at sports, especially team ones. Grrr. But curling rocks.
06 February 2004
The point of the brownies is to show intention with the purchase/gift. Frosties and such are good, but somewhat generic food gifts. More or less like red, long-stemmed roses. Let me explain: women (and men) generally like both sugar and flowers and also generally like receiving gifts. Any gift given with the correct intentions (the pleasure of the receiver) is a good thing. BUT, gifts come to mean more when they are personal. If long-stemmed red roses are your favorites, great. You've made things easy for your significant other by going with a tried-and-true standard that all men and women understand and that the marketing world has capitalized on. Personally, I'm not much of a fan of roses, especially the red, long-stemmed ones. If someone wanted to buy me roses, I love peach and yellow and the weird colored ones. My favorite flowers are the spring bulbs, and if someone went to the trouble of finding that out, and bought me those instead of the safe, standard roses, it would mean even more. Same with sugar gifts. While susan likes frosties, the fudgy brownie (and his knowledge of her preference) would demonstrate intention and knowledge of the recipient of the gift.
On another note, what the fuck is up with the man-cave phenomenon? How hard is it for guys to just say, email, or telegraph "having a bad day, will talk with you later?" Going AWOL or sending pissy emails, not good. I don't have a problem with giving someone space or time to figure out whatever's going on in his head, but when you are used to talking to someone regularly, when you have establish a normal communication pattern, and suddenly there is none, you start wondering what YOU did wrong. Okay, I can't have done anything -- I haven't seen him. And now I know it's pretty much his issue, not mine. So go into your cave. Just don't shut me out in the process.
On another note, what the fuck is up with the man-cave phenomenon? How hard is it for guys to just say, email, or telegraph "having a bad day, will talk with you later?" Going AWOL or sending pissy emails, not good. I don't have a problem with giving someone space or time to figure out whatever's going on in his head, but when you are used to talking to someone regularly, when you have establish a normal communication pattern, and suddenly there is none, you start wondering what YOU did wrong. Okay, I can't have done anything -- I haven't seen him. And now I know it's pretty much his issue, not mine. So go into your cave. Just don't shut me out in the process.
05 February 2004
Yeah, it's been a long day and a longer week, in which, despite working, I have gotten little done.
You can talk everything and anything to death. But it is fatal to talk a relationship, Relationship, or potential Relationship to death WITH the other person involved or potentially involved in it. That's what your friends and your blog are for.
Damn butterflies and stupid bullets in other people's guns. Thank the goddesses underseas that that shit ain't playin' no mo'. Something to be said for progress: Elton John is a very gay man.
Do you think Mike does brownies? Do we need to track him down and "little birdie"-like tell him what a fudgy brownie, all gooey, no nuts, will do for his chances?
You can talk everything and anything to death. But it is fatal to talk a relationship, Relationship, or potential Relationship to death WITH the other person involved or potentially involved in it. That's what your friends and your blog are for.
Damn butterflies and stupid bullets in other people's guns. Thank the goddesses underseas that that shit ain't playin' no mo'. Something to be said for progress: Elton John is a very gay man.
Do you think Mike does brownies? Do we need to track him down and "little birdie"-like tell him what a fudgy brownie, all gooey, no nuts, will do for his chances?
As if guys are the only people who occasionally "mentally" explore the possibility of sex with friends. WHATEVER (Clueless inflection implied). That notion needs to go out the window along with the one that guys always want sex and women don't. Both genders sometimes crave sex and sometimes not-so-much. Human nature there. I think the big difference is that most men I know get more enjoyment out of casual, "meaningless" sex than the women I know.
Susan, despite her bitching, loves the drama, hates the frustration, thrives on the anticipation, and gets off on the very uncertainty that drives her mad. We all do, although fewer of us believe that rules and guidelines would make interpersonal relationships easier. What makes a first kiss so memorable/important? Two things: the anticipation of it, and the uncertainty of how it will turn out. Same thing with Relationships, just a bigger context.
Susan, despite her bitching, loves the drama, hates the frustration, thrives on the anticipation, and gets off on the very uncertainty that drives her mad. We all do, although fewer of us believe that rules and guidelines would make interpersonal relationships easier. What makes a first kiss so memorable/important? Two things: the anticipation of it, and the uncertainty of how it will turn out. Same thing with Relationships, just a bigger context.
Okay, dude, get the FUCK over it and get the fuck over yourself!
Attraction is based on so much more than just looks, and if you review our former significant others en masse, you will notice that what I find attractive and what you find attractive – just physically – have little in common. Mentally what we find attractive in men is similar. Emotionally, not so much. So get OVER it.
Secondly, you do not always need to talk things to death. You are living in a Technicolor world with crazy mad shades of grey and green and blue and pink. I.e. – there ain’t no black and white. Mike’s vague comment after your not-date was certifiably applicable only to the date: it was not a date. End of story. You can extrapolate it back to mean that he isn’t interested, which may or may not be what he meant. But for right now, he has offered you his friendship. You can decide whether or not to take it. If you open the State of the Relationship (Is There a Relationship?) can of worms, but then you force him to make a yes-or-no, black-or-white decision which maybe he isn’t ready to make. Pretend you understand patience, and let him have some time.
My not-so-professional opinion is that Mike MAY be interested. He knows that he likes you as a person, that he enjoys hanging out with you, and that you guys have fun together. Friendship is on the bargaining table. You can take it and live with the fact that you like him and he hasn’t reciprocated. This means that you offer him only friendship. You are not always and completely emotionally and physically available to him – you do not have that kind of relationship. And see where it goes. Or, you can force him to have the discussion, get EVERYTHING out on the table, reduce your Technicolor world to black and white, and likely get rejected. It isn’t like you’ve been living in the Land of Uncertainty for months – a few weeks? Is it even that long? Again, patience. Would it so much hurt things to let an interesting friendship develop before you decide whether you have a LUV match?
Attraction is based on so much more than just looks, and if you review our former significant others en masse, you will notice that what I find attractive and what you find attractive – just physically – have little in common. Mentally what we find attractive in men is similar. Emotionally, not so much. So get OVER it.
Secondly, you do not always need to talk things to death. You are living in a Technicolor world with crazy mad shades of grey and green and blue and pink. I.e. – there ain’t no black and white. Mike’s vague comment after your not-date was certifiably applicable only to the date: it was not a date. End of story. You can extrapolate it back to mean that he isn’t interested, which may or may not be what he meant. But for right now, he has offered you his friendship. You can decide whether or not to take it. If you open the State of the Relationship (Is There a Relationship?) can of worms, but then you force him to make a yes-or-no, black-or-white decision which maybe he isn’t ready to make. Pretend you understand patience, and let him have some time.
My not-so-professional opinion is that Mike MAY be interested. He knows that he likes you as a person, that he enjoys hanging out with you, and that you guys have fun together. Friendship is on the bargaining table. You can take it and live with the fact that you like him and he hasn’t reciprocated. This means that you offer him only friendship. You are not always and completely emotionally and physically available to him – you do not have that kind of relationship. And see where it goes. Or, you can force him to have the discussion, get EVERYTHING out on the table, reduce your Technicolor world to black and white, and likely get rejected. It isn’t like you’ve been living in the Land of Uncertainty for months – a few weeks? Is it even that long? Again, patience. Would it so much hurt things to let an interesting friendship develop before you decide whether you have a LUV match?
04 February 2004
Woo-hoo! New blood! Hi, Daniel, even if you are whining. We are a little whiny – the moxie is not always pure.
Hmm. Let’s see. Comments.
Piracy: Not good. But the system is set up to reward breaking the rules and not thinking about the consequences. One of my long-standing favorite bands, groovelily, has all of their out-of-print albums available for download, as well as preview songs from each at their website: www.groovelily.com. How can you knock a band with an electric violin? Their previews encourage listening and ordering. I had a conversation with an off-moxie friend the other night, and as far as we could figure, DVDs can only be that much cheaper than CDs because movies make money in ways that music doesn’t – on the big screen, for example. Otherwise, why are CD prices so continuously high while DVDs have gotten so cheap?
Politics: I like Sharpton’s freshness. He’s not always with us here on this plane, but he brings new ideas into the debate. Incredible showing for him in SC, but Daniel’s right – driving through SC is pure torture. I’m okay with Kerry. I think he has what it will take for the long haul in this race, and I think he has the experience to calm the fears of Democrats wondering how he will handle our current messes. We liked the outside candidates for a start, when we were thinking from anger, but we really want ABB – anyone but Bush. I’m heartened by the results for Kucinich – he garnered 3% of the NoDak vote with no advertising money spent in the state. He did better in the SW states, where he spent some dough, but he did well in this amazingly conservative state! Rock the granola, baby. Tree-huggers and pacifists of the world UNITE!!!! Check out www.kucinich.us and see what the liberal pacifist movement has to offer the world. Oh, and I was one of the 308 people who voted for Dennis in the state. I realize that doesn’t sound like many, but there were only 10,500 or so votes cast in the Democratic caucus, so we really do count (population of ND: approx. 634,000. Governor: Republican). I am still thinking that a Franken-candidate may be our best bet for the future. Each of the original 11 candidates had something to offer, and if we combined their strengths, maybe we would get a fantastic leader. Does anyone think it would be a good idea for the winner of the nomination to choose a fellow candidate for his running mate? Hmmmm. Oh, and for the record, caucuses are cooler than primaries.
Life in general: busy at work. Cold and white outside. Inside of my house, I have two battling felines. They do get along, but we have constant boy-wrestling. To clarify, I’ve had my one cat for almost a year. He’s a year and a half old. The new guy is about 7 months old and he’s been with us three weeks. Cute creatures who are more amusing than television, especially lately. Lucky in love. I’ve actually been able to talk politics with the s.o., we don’t agree, and we can have a debate, a discussion, even a little argument, without feelings being smashed or crushed. The boy TALKS!!! They do exist, apparently. Unlike the other moxie-d folk on the blog, I do not work out. I walk to work, which gives me approximately a mile a day of exercise, but so be it. Better than nothing.
The best thing in the last week? Some people I’ve worked closely with (general public, not within my office) actually said Thank You for your help. We’ve more or less finished the project, or at least passed one of the biggest milestones in the process, and they said thanks. I love it. It is rare to feel appreciated in your work by the people that you help, and they made a point of it. It makes my soul smile.
Hmm. Let’s see. Comments.
Piracy: Not good. But the system is set up to reward breaking the rules and not thinking about the consequences. One of my long-standing favorite bands, groovelily, has all of their out-of-print albums available for download, as well as preview songs from each at their website: www.groovelily.com. How can you knock a band with an electric violin? Their previews encourage listening and ordering. I had a conversation with an off-moxie friend the other night, and as far as we could figure, DVDs can only be that much cheaper than CDs because movies make money in ways that music doesn’t – on the big screen, for example. Otherwise, why are CD prices so continuously high while DVDs have gotten so cheap?
Politics: I like Sharpton’s freshness. He’s not always with us here on this plane, but he brings new ideas into the debate. Incredible showing for him in SC, but Daniel’s right – driving through SC is pure torture. I’m okay with Kerry. I think he has what it will take for the long haul in this race, and I think he has the experience to calm the fears of Democrats wondering how he will handle our current messes. We liked the outside candidates for a start, when we were thinking from anger, but we really want ABB – anyone but Bush. I’m heartened by the results for Kucinich – he garnered 3% of the NoDak vote with no advertising money spent in the state. He did better in the SW states, where he spent some dough, but he did well in this amazingly conservative state! Rock the granola, baby. Tree-huggers and pacifists of the world UNITE!!!! Check out www.kucinich.us and see what the liberal pacifist movement has to offer the world. Oh, and I was one of the 308 people who voted for Dennis in the state. I realize that doesn’t sound like many, but there were only 10,500 or so votes cast in the Democratic caucus, so we really do count (population of ND: approx. 634,000. Governor: Republican). I am still thinking that a Franken-candidate may be our best bet for the future. Each of the original 11 candidates had something to offer, and if we combined their strengths, maybe we would get a fantastic leader. Does anyone think it would be a good idea for the winner of the nomination to choose a fellow candidate for his running mate? Hmmmm. Oh, and for the record, caucuses are cooler than primaries.
Life in general: busy at work. Cold and white outside. Inside of my house, I have two battling felines. They do get along, but we have constant boy-wrestling. To clarify, I’ve had my one cat for almost a year. He’s a year and a half old. The new guy is about 7 months old and he’s been with us three weeks. Cute creatures who are more amusing than television, especially lately. Lucky in love. I’ve actually been able to talk politics with the s.o., we don’t agree, and we can have a debate, a discussion, even a little argument, without feelings being smashed or crushed. The boy TALKS!!! They do exist, apparently. Unlike the other moxie-d folk on the blog, I do not work out. I walk to work, which gives me approximately a mile a day of exercise, but so be it. Better than nothing.
The best thing in the last week? Some people I’ve worked closely with (general public, not within my office) actually said Thank You for your help. We’ve more or less finished the project, or at least passed one of the biggest milestones in the process, and they said thanks. I love it. It is rare to feel appreciated in your work by the people that you help, and they made a point of it. It makes my soul smile.