I actually heard “Danny Boy” played, traditional fiddle style, Sunday, by two brothers who can’t be older than 19 or so and who are fantastic. Good stuff.

Daniel, if you don’t blog us back soon, we’re going to have to add music to the blog, and yes, THAT tune! And we’ll have Susan put out an APB on you. The heavy furniture must be heavy, indeed! (Like, heavy, man...)

Anyway, what are genetics, really? I’m not genetically related to any of my family. And yes, for anyone who is reading and doesn’t know me, they are too my “real” family. I may have biological parents and relations somewhere out there (assuming of course that I was born, not spawned or hatched – hey, I have no proof!), but they are not my Family. My “real” parents are the two unfortunate souls who changed my diapers and put up with my temper tantrums and paid part of my way through college, listening to a new major each week. That’s real. On the other hand, I’ve always thought that friends, the long-lasting ones, are the family that you choose. You surround yourself with people. Some are chosen for you by genetics, accidents of birth, or other people’s choices (spouses of your friends and family, for example). Some appear because of your career or life choices. And others you choose yourself. Family. Just my opinion, of course.

What else was I going to write? I’ve forgotten. My brain is foggy today. I was awake and alert all of Monday, so I’m paying for it today with head fog.

Oh, and Susan? There were reasons that these guys were just friends in most cases. You never asked. I could have told you. Not that you'd have listened, really, with your pigheaded insistence that "happily ever after" will someday knock you over the head and drag you off by your hair to a plush cave, but you make your own choices and mistakes, and only you can really learn from them. There are reasons that my mistakes and yours are different -- we started off with different information and different needs for life lessons. It isn't the path less traveled, it is the path _I_ must travel that makes a difference.

Folks, I have a confession to make...

My sisters and I aren't biologically related, or at least as far as I know. They're two childhood friends (who actually do happen to be sisters) I've had since the fourth grade. If you'd like to get to know the older sister, Lynn, her blog is one of my links on the side--she still lives in Orlando. I was recently reunited with the younger one, Jenn, when she moved to Tampa several months ago. I do happen to think they are both fantastic, each in her own special way :)

I've tried to talk to people about what they are passionate about in life (not necessarily having THE Passion, but A passion)... it's been surprising that I've known more than a few folks who are apparently not passionate about anything in life. I firmly believe, as do many, that everyone has at least one true calling--it's a matter of discovering what it is.

OH DANNY BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY (sorry, couldn't resist)

You women and your soft, chewy, luscious, nougaty centers. Man, I could go for a Milky Way right about now.

Delicious is a great example of onomatopoeia -- words that sound like what they are. I admit to having to look that up to spell it correctly.

I would be interested to meet your sister, Mr. P. They've got to be fantastically amazing, and they've obviously taught you a few things. Hopefully, in return, you've taught them that not all guys are jerks and that they are way better than being treated like shit. I think that's what bugs me about people and relationships -- too many people, including susan in at least two instances -- have little enough regard to themselves that they will stay with a "partner" who treats them like shit. NO ONE DESERVES THAT. Ever.

Susan can give you a rundown on how much I've learned in the communications department -- I don't like to talk to people and let them inside my walls and shields. Most people have to prove to me that they are worth it and will not take advantage of my soft, nougaty center (yes, contrary to popular belief, it does exist. I just don't normally admit it.) Writing is easier, although I occasionally find myself censoring a little because, in theory, my mother could read the blog. Of course, she'd have to find it and she doesn't surf, but she did learn to use amazon.com, so she could theoretically find the blog. It's public. But I'm talking to friends I trust, and somehow, that includes Daniel whom I've never spoken to off-blog. Btw, where is he?

Okay, off to potluck it up. Like grad school, only with young, poor semi-professionals.
Joyeaux Friday, all.

(PS Thanks, Mark. :) )

Ah, Passion. Can barely live with it sometimes, can't live without it. Life is truly delicious.

In other exciting news, Family Guy is returning to TV next year. Sometimes the little people actually win one now and again.

Kate, you know me--I apologize at the drop of a hat if I think I have offended, especially when a lady is involved. Glad to hear it was not the case this time. Yeah, the kid thing didn't work out for me, but that certainly wasn't the reason for the breakup... maybe it had something to do with me cursing the girl out and making her cry on my birthday in front of some our friends... who knows? Anyway, the whole ex-girlfriend saga I'll save for another post.

As far as meeting people, I've met all my girlfriends (three) through friends. School was probably number one as far as places go for meeting people. Work would be the next best place, but none of those relationships took off for one reason or another. And as for bars/clubs... well, I've finally had my couple of successes, but nothing went past a weekend there. Now don't get me wrong--I know who is 90% to blame for my lack of female contact... I see him in the mirror every morning. That's why I've finally made some adjustments this year.

Now the night I met Kate, that was a great night. As she said, we were the moral support folks for our two friends who met (online, oddly enough) and were going out on their second date. Kate, it's funny that you mention when you met your current guy, you pretty much trusted him even though you barely knew him... early in getting to know you, I realized I trusted you implicitly with my life, despite barely knowing you. Meeting you struck a chord with me the likes of which I have never experienced before or since... and if there's one thing I know for certain in life, it's that I couldn't stand the thought of us not being friends. 'Nuff said.

Kate, most of the women I've known find it difficult to communicate about their feelings, especially about their hopes, dreams, and fantasies. They don't want to speak honestly about the way the feel, they don't like talking about sex. They aren't open-minded. They don't think about life's larger picture. I don't find myself respecting them intellectually. I think the biggest thing is they don't have the Passion... or if they do, they don't show it to me. It's like they're going through the motions, and have no interest in anything besides the more mundane aspects of life. They are more conservative, more conformist in general than you and Susan. It's a pain, too, because I learn more about myself through getting to know other people. Getting to know you, for example, made it easier for me to be me.

BTW, in case any of the women I have come across in life are reading this (especially my sisters), if you're reading this, you clearly do not belong in the "most of" category I was referring to above. Never hurts to cover that a$$ every now and again :)

Passion is the key to life. I would absolutely hate being part of The Man’s Machine if I didn’t love architecture, preservation, and believe that what I do is important in a larger scheme of things. It’s not Mother Theresa’s work, and I’m not handing out fake legs, but still, it means something to me and to the people that I work with. I’ve been slowly reading The Soul of Sex, and I can’t currently remember the author’s name, but basically, he talks about finding the passion we seek in the bedroom in our lives as a whole. That way, we actually get what we want/need/seek sexually, but it is because we live our lives fully. La Vie Boheme, susan, la vie. (Rent is actually coming to Bismarck, but it will be the week I’m visiting my mom for her birthday. Suck.) Speaking of which, this blog is a little like an outgrowth of the column. I think I still have those somewhere. Good times, good times.

Mark, I didn’t mean to sound even remotely judgmental about the dating parents thing. I probably did, though. I would gather than a woman being a mother would not necessarily be your ideal first choice for a lifemate, and that the reason that relationship didn’t work out for you was because it wasn’t right – I don’t know you to be a judgmental person, although like all of us, you are probably occasionally irrational. Frankly, dating a parent SUCKS. Relationships (capital “r”) are difficult enough to figure out, logistically and emotionally, that adding another person and another relationship to the mix makes things a gazillion times harder. Again, in my case, the guy is worth it. It’s like the thing susan was talking about: the sparks and flames and clicks. We met at a mutual friend’s house (still unclear whether this was a setup) and seemed to click – he was just easy to talk to and, coming from a relationship with a few communication issues (understatement), this seemed like the best possible thing in the world. We went out hiking – as friends, only – and had a great time. The funny thing is that I apparently trusted him. We were out in the middle of NOWHERE and I couldn’t have found my way home with a map. And we were alone. And he wasn’t a mass-murdering psycho. Which is good. Anyway, the point is that he is someone that I am comfortable with, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and that’s a big deal to me. His parenthood played little into my decision to get involved, although it has caused me some angst since. Oh well.

I think the deal with meeting people is that you have to be out somewhere where you may meet new people. Redundant sounding, I know. What I mean is that if you can find things to do where you may meet people, just in general, then you may also meet someone worth dating. You meet people in the weirdest ways – I met Mark by tagging along on someone else’s second date. Longish story made short – we were both friends of the couple attempting to date. Weird, but worth it. I’m glad we met, and honestly, glad we didn’t date, since you are one of the coolest guys I’ve met and we probably wouldn’t be speaking if we’d dated and broken up (that never really works out like you might want it to!). Besides, your Floridian ass would freeze up here – you were cold in Georgia! A reasonable number of women have dated gamers who don’t know how to live without that controller in their hands, or how to do other activities. I think that may be part of the turn-off. Maybe you should reserve that information until after you’ve spent a little non-tv related time with a woman?

Would I fuck Moz? Maybe. I think he fell off my couch after that concert. The music, still good. Still speaks to my soul on the correct occasions. I would definitely take an opportunity to spend all night talking to him. He has an interesting perspective to offer the world. I do wonder what his appeal is to Hispanic inner city youths, though. I would have liked an explanation from Chuck Klosterman on that.

I’m curious, Mark. What is it that makes Susan and me so different from the other women that you’ve met? I’ve heard that comment, or similar ones, before. Why?

Oh, and on the all guys are the same thing: nah. There are a lot of people in the world who suck. Who don’t give a shit about anyone, not even themselves. These people are worth avoiding. But they are not the whole picture of humanity, and the people who don’t suck are worth seeking out, getting to know, and holding onto.

Now, Susan--I thought we discussed this--you're not permitted to get your hopes up about anything because were you (God forbid) to actually become happy, this blog would dry up in seconds ;)

That's cool that you got some good financial info--I once went to American Express Financial Advisors several years ago... this guy and this lady show up in suits (I was in jeans and a T) and gave me this whole spiel about how many Fortune 500 companies use their services... at this point I didn't own a house, not even a car (still under my parents)... I'm thinking their presentation was a little overkill for a guy who didn't have any stocks or major assets, but that's just me... anyway, I'm seriously considering going back now that I have a house and a car and I probably need to start investing for my retirement, assuming I actually live that long...

You know what one of my major pet peeves is? To see someone lose that fire, that passion. Without it, what good is most anything in life? Susan, you are hereby forbidden to lose your passion--and that goes for the rest of you, and everyone out there in the audience. You still can't get your hopes up, though :) Oh and as far as you making the first move--guys who don't appreciate that don't deserve how good they have it.

I think the trick to cultivating your personality is that you still have to adhere to a sense of normality. In other words, you can't really throw your whole personality out there if you want to be accepted by the majority of folks. Most of my friends know only parts of my true personality, but my closest friends know pretty much all there is to know. Except for the fact that I killed a bunch of people once. Once in awhile, you'll get lucky and meet someone that you can truly be yourself with. For example, most people consider me to be a relatively intelligent guy. But I can see the bewilderment on people's faces when I tell them I watch professional wrestling on a regular basis. I've actually seen women lose interest when I mention I work with computers or play video games, despite the fact that they don't even come close to defining me as a person. Anyway, it all depends on how important it is to you to be well-liked. But, as usual, I digress.

On the crayola thing--you hit it right on the head... guys ARE pretty much the same, so that also means there are some colored ones that are decent, unlike most of the ones you seem to have come across lately.

Like I said, I make enough to where I really haven't had to worry too much about doing whatever I want to do. Also, it's my second year in my house, and I think the large return is mostly due to that.

I'm certainly not the spokesperson for the entire male race, but I will say this... when it comes to sex, I can separate the physical from the emotional. I could have sex with someone I didn't even like as a person, and it wouldn't bother me. However, having sex with someone I care about is probably the single best experience to be had in life. So the short story goes like this: If I'm free, I'm all over the place. If I'm taken, she's the one for me. Obviously, I'd prefer to be with one person, but barring that, I'll take whatever I can get. Sounds pretty callous, I'm sure, but I'm just being honest.

Older guys, I think, have learned that there's more to life than sex. They have also been around long enough to realize that women in general don't give in to the whole sex for sex's sake thing. When I was with my college ex, who I still think I probably should have married, I still hadn't had the sexual experiences most guys feel the need to complete before settling down--no one night stands, that sort of thing. I gave up that relationship to put myself back out there. For a couple of years, nothing happened... but finally, I had a couple of wonderful experiences that let me know that despite being a CS dork, I still had what it took to take someone home from a club. It may sound stupid to you, but that sort of thing is pretty important to most guys. Now I'm at the point to which I don't feel like I need to be out there scoring points. I want to find one woman to focus my attention on. Doesn't mean I won't screw around, given the chance :)

As far as the signed permission slip to touch a woman... I've always been timid... to a point. The thought of making a move and being rejected nearly makes me sick to my stomach. However--in certain situations, if I'm attracted enough to someone, I can't help myself--I'll be extremely forward. I can only think of one situation I've been in, however, where the girl made the first move, and that was a thing of beauty. I was telling Susan earlier today that you and she are unlike 98% of women I've come across in life... I think I would have a completely different outlook on the subject if I had met more girls like you two. Oh well, coulda shoulda woulda.

Further, I'm certainly not saying no one should date anyone older, divorced, and/or with kids. You like what you like. All I know is dating someone with a kid didn't exactly work out for me (there's more to it than that), and I'm not sure I'd want to go into another similar relationship. But who knows? I could pass up "the one" with thinking like that.

Mark, you must make a shitload of money to be getting it back from W. But then again, the Techie status is worth something! I personally am afraid to file, seeing as how last year I had an income of negative nearly $1000. Seriously. I’ve made some money for the first time in my life, and I don’t want to pay it out!

Are all men really just hormonal freaks with no self-control? I realize the “take matters into my own hands” guy is a way out there example, but here’s my question: do men really just want sex, or are they socialized to believe that sex is an end in and of itself? Are there men who want more than someone to stick it into? It isn't as though women (the ones who are honest about it) don't think about inappropriate sex with inappropriate people, but most of us are socialized to make sex into some sort of sacrament. While I don't think that is necessary, it isn't worth it to me to bother having sex with someone I don't care about. It isn't the alpha and omega of meaning in life, but it does mean something. Or should, I guess, in my opinion.

I guess my personal experiences have been vastly different than Susan’s. I meet men who are interested in more than that (or maybe I filter out the ones who don’t without too much thought). In fact, I usually find men who are way more interested in permanent commitments than I am. And I don’t know your story, Mark, but I’m currently dating a 40 year old, divorced, single father, and I’m not finding it to be too horrific. There are a lot of logistical things that you don’t have with a non-parent, compounded by the fact that he has sole custody and she lives out of state. And it isn’t easy, admittedly. But in my opinion, he’s worth it. This could be helped by several factors: one, I don’t want kids. Two, if I decided I wanted them, I would try adoption probably. Worked okay for me. I guess I can’t see having kids when there are too many people in the world already and I would be responsible for bringing one more luckless soul in to this godforsaken society. There are plenty of children who don’t have a place to be, a family to be with, and while I don’t know that I’d be great at this whole parenting shtick, if I decide to try, I don’t feel the need to create another person to inflict myself on. Plus, and this is something you don’t have to worry about, pregnancy scares me shitless. No interest whatsoever in going through that, honestly.

I did a little reading and asked around a little, but as I understand it, AA forbids members to date for one year. The point of joining AA is supposed to be that you realize that you have a problem and you decide to deal with it. Alcoholics are often using the drug to escape parts of their lives they feel incapable of handling, and so need to deal with the original problems, the addiction, and the problems they created through their addictions. It’s about dealing with yourself and having time to do so, neither of which is facilitated by engaging in a Relationship. Also, I think there is some psychological evidence that people with addictive personalities are prone to redirect the addiction. Even if not becoming codependent on a new person (rather than the alcohol), a relationship takes away from the “me” time. Besides, the dude is Obviously fucked up in some extra ways, beyond alcoholism. How gauche!

Oh, and Mark? You don’t need a signed permission slip to make a move. If the general signs point to yes, and you can screw up your courage and face a little potential rejection, move on in and PAY ATTENTION. She will either respond or not, and let the chips fall as they will. 98% of the time, both people know what’s coming and there is a stretched out moment of anticipation – during which one who is absolutely not interested can back away. Otherwise, it’s a great moment, worth the wait. And maybe, if you get lucky, she'll make the first move.

Well, when you're not the sort to pick up women at bars/clubs, you've exhausted what few options you had at work, and you just don't come into contact with women all that often... then it's time to hit The Net(tm) to find your next ex. This is my second try at Internet dating. On the first run, I met a VERY attractive woman (what are the odds of that online?), but she had a daughter, and I decided not to pursue it. She also seemed to be husband-shopping. I plan to give the Yahoo thing about another month myself, and then call it quits. But so far, I can't really say anything negative about the experience besides the hits I get from divorced 40 year olds with three kids.

What's funny is I just got a hit from an attractive 34 year old, and I responded that I'd be willing to talk to her. The funny part is I forgot to look at the one field I'm most interested in, and that is "Has Kids". Even worse, she has a picture of this kid on her profile. So of course, she responded back wanting to talk and admitted that was her son. I'm wondering if I should tell her that my last relationship was with someone who had a kid, and I'm not really keen on trying it again, or if I should just see where it goes. It'll be just my luck I'll actually like the chick. I can see it right now. Am I wrong for wanting my own kids, not someone else's? Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just a personal preference.

Susan, good luck with your taxes. Say what you want about George Dubya, but thanks to him I got a bit extra in my tax return stocking this year :)

Susan... I'm just gonna shoot straight with you. Odds are not in your favor that the Mike situation is going to work out the way you want it to. However, you probably at least need to just come out with it and see what he says. I'd find it hard to believe he hasn't already summed up the situation and just doesn't want to have to tell you he may not feel the same way. If he had half the feelings you have on the situation, it would have come up by now. That's my guess, but I wouldn't go on that alone, if I were you :)

As for the other date, you'd better believe I'm gonna tell you men are horndogs and will fuck anything. It's TRUE for the most part, whether you guys (ladies, rather) choose to believe it or not. Primal instincts can be kind of difficult to ignore, especially when you haven't had a chance to exercise them in some time... not that I'd know, of course ;)

Your latest contestant, however, failed miserably. He should at least have enough sense to realize that his advances weren't going to get him where he wanted to go without actually having to beg or much less discuss with you "taking matters into his own hands". That's just plain wrong. But you see how far people are willing to go to get what they want, in terms of him acting the gentleman for the earlier part of the evening.

As for why you seem to attract the sort--I wouldn't waste too much time thinking it's something you're doing wrong. You're just finding out a lot of men have certain traits in common... also, that girls who put themselves on Internet dating sites are whores, which we all know to be true anyway. I'm kidding, I'm kidding :)

By contrast, I have been on two Internet dates recently, in neither case did I even so much as touch the girl involved. Both were rather pleasant lunch dates involving a lot of getting-to-know-you type discussion. I'm pretty much wired to the point where I can't so much as touch a woman with a signed consent form OR the most obvious of hints that such a move would be welcome. Doesn't mean I don't have the same raging hormones as your "please go down on me" friend, just that I respect women a tad bit more than that. For my efforts, I saw one of the girls the next day. I went to Miami that weekend and came back looking forward to seeing the one girl again. Alas, she reported that in the few days I had been gone "one of her ex-boyfriends came back into her life and was able to give her what she needed". Go figure. Think I have a couple more contestants lined up... I'll let you know if I meet any whores. Although, I do think I met one chick whose personal ad is a front of some kind--check out the email she sent me:

'Hi, Thanks for the email. I'm writing this one time to tell you I cannot write each guy at his personal email address. I would never get away from the computer :-). But I always check my messages over at www.jungledates.com. I'd love to chat with you there. It's a really nice and unique place. Come on over.

**hug**'

Anyone else think this is akin to spam? Personally, I love the part about "each guy". Just out of curiosity, I signed on to the other site, and sure enough, she has a similar ad over there. I decided to just not pursue the matter, however.

First off, I've got no complaints about the changes to the site. I definitely like the less girly look.

As far as the side job doing webpages goes, I really have no idea what people charge. A friend of mine got paid a couple hundred per job doing a few sites on the side, so that $750 might not be too bad a figure. I would definitely ask around and see what folks typically charge for something like that. I've somehow managed to shy away from all things HTTP-design related. The one website I did have was pretty terrible--I referred to it as "The Best of Text" :)

Incidentally, I think I've officially lost my appetite for all things sausage related...

Okay, I just changed my links and added a few new ones, but the formatting is screwed up and I don't know how to fix it. I've not learned a bit of programming since Basic, and I've forgotten most of that.

Now, I am off to be a preservation missionary, bringing the light of our built historic environment shining into the dark lives of everyday people.

I like everything except that I think the title gets lost. I love the new font, though. Plus, your red tone is warm enough to be a little girly, but girly with an edge. I give it 9/12 thumbs up.

I may have lost some of my status as an Irish-American yesterday -- I make a really mediocre corned beef. Sigh. And generally, domestic as it is, I'm a pretty good cook when I try. But when you disappoint yourself, with a quintessential dish of your ethnic heritage (ethnicity being Irish-American, not Irish), it's sad. For the record, I don't know that the Irish themselves traditionally eat corned beef. That's an American incarnation.

Okay, on the sausage comments, which I never answered, vienna sausages are rare. I've never seen one. I know they exist from testimonies (unless you meet vienna sausage criteria, likelihood is that size hasn't been discussed with the s.o.'s girlfriends until after you break up). Any of the variety of hot dogs is good, bratwurst are okay (although really on the "bent" side of things there, aren't we?), Italian sausage works. Summer sausage is a definite "no." It's a combination of things. Basically, I think it boils down to the fact that certain people fit together better than others. Most people can fit together, but need to find a way.

Gotta Go now!

I'll certainly agree with you that people in general don't seem to be happy. They obviously haven't watched enough Sifl and Olly :)

Who knows--for me, my father taught what I consider the most important lesson I've ever learned in life about ten years ago. He simply taught me to appreciate my life for what it is. For all the crap that has happened to me, I can't even come close to complaining about my life. I fully recognize that I am blessed and lucky to have lived the life that I have. If I die tomorrow, I die a happy man, despite the fact that I'm only 29. I've lived long enough to become my own man, to finally take care of myself, and to finally be able to give back to my parents for taking care of me for so long. This is going to sound corny as hell, but there is a big, beautiful world out there, full of interesting people, places, and things. Now I know not everyone is in a position to take advantage of life, but I seriously believe you can find happiness in the smallest of places. Anyway, I can go on like this for days. Point is, you can't wait for happiness. You're not going to "reach" happiness. You have to take it wherever you can get it. By force, preferably ;)

As far as money goes, it's my pure hatred for money issues to a great degree that drove me to where I am today. I was driven to succeed anyway, but I wanted to make sure that when I grew up, I didn't have the extra stress of worrying about if I could afford this or that. I had a nervous breakdown in class my senior year in high school because that whole year, the rest of family told me there was no way my father could afford to send me out of state to college, and my dad said I should go wherever I wanted. Ten years and a BS in CS from GT later, here I am. I make enough such that I have been able to do pretty much anything I want, including get up and leave the country for a week at a time several times (I'm off to Ireland in two months). I've done a pretty awful job of saving money and preparing for retirement (ask any of my friends), but I have zero credit card debt--I never carry a balance. My problem is I have no one else to live for. No wife, no family. Hence, no incentive to save for the future. My overwhelming passion for grabbing life by the throat and punching it repeatedly overrides my apathy for saving for a future I may or may not have. Anyway, enough about me. I'm happy--I wish I could help other people find the happiness in their own lives the way I have in mine, but so far I don't think I've really managed to do that. Won't stop me from trying, though.

So as for what money gets us... Money gets us everything that without money, we would more than likely have to take by force. Money is the focus of so many things because It is the Great Enabler. It enables us to do things that we might normally not be able to do. Humans haven't really learned how to share and share alike enough to not need a system to balance this sort of thing out. If we phase It out, we don't have to wear the Star Trek uniforms. We will have to wear the quasi-futuristic gear sported in Austin Powers I.

First comment: Daniel, we get a very different sense of accomplishment when we actually physically do something. I think that that satisfaction is one of the saddest things we’ve lost in the technological revolution. I can write 5 letters, a press release, and half of a National Register nomination in a day, or I can spend that same time scraping and priming a quarter of a wall on an historic wood church. The latter leaves me more tired and more pleased with my day’s work. Just the way it is. Maybe this is one of the reasons people are generally dissatisfied with their lives: the pile of “finished” paperwork looks remarkably the same as the stuff still waiting to be done. You can’t point to a product as easily.

Second comment, also for Daniel: BULL SHIT. That nonsense at the end of your blog post about women wanting to be ravaged and not have to communicate about it tells me you’ve seen too much porn. I think that one of the reasons the majority of the women in America say they are unhappy with their sex lives (70 -90%, depending on the survey you’re quoting) is that they have bought into that myth, too. It’s like the Cinderella myth of relationships: once you’ve found the perfect partner (and the perfect dress), life is “happily ever after.” BULL SHIT. Working at something isn’t bad or wrong. It’s a good thing and it’s necessary. Back to maintenance-free, really. A myth. Oh, and the work/maintenance-free thing is a one-way street! Why would guys LIKE this idea? It means you do all the work. Yeah, you get a payoff, but still, it’s supposed to be a partner thing. Love for one can happen whenever you want it to. Maybe this is why fellatio has attained such mythical status – the one time men sit back and enjoy the ride....

Yes, occasionally, I would like to sit back and enjoy the ride, but most of the time, the ride includes a little steering from me. Passive reception of pleasure doesn’t work. I don’t think it works for most women, but they have this idea that participation is wrong. The majority of sex therapists, current and recent past, agree that both partners need to participate and communicate – even if it isn’t so much verbal as it is physical – for sex to be “good.” Honestly, I have NO problems “working” with my partner for an orgasm. The payoff is worth it, and I get more out of it. Great example of “you get out of it what you put into it.” (Although I think you could go gutter-like places with that comment...). Maybe you’re just meeting the wrong women.

Mark, I don’t know that we’re all screwed up. I do know that the majority of studies and most of my conversations show that people, in general, really aren’t happy. Some of it may be general disappointment. I know that Susan and I were both expecting to have the epiphany moment where adulthood just “clicked” and suddenly we felt we were on the right road, or something goofy like that. As though some of the struggle would just go away. Maybe that’s the problem – the struggle stays, but we want it to and we wouldn’t know what to do without it. Delayed gratification: I will be happy when (I get a raise, I get married, I lose 10 pounds, I stay on my diet, I have enough money to buy that....) And the list goes on.

As an anecdote, I had this nice feeling a few weeks back, on the highway. I was driving along, music up loud, sunny out, and just thought, Life is good. I’m in control, in the driver’s seat, know in which direction I’m traveling, and feel pretty good about it. Less than 10 minutes later, I rolled down my window to get a little fresh air, and the brand-new window I’d had installed 4 days earlier popped out of its rear track, scaring the shit out of me and making me feel completely out of control (I don’t deal well with car failures – I can’t fix them, so I don’t like them).

Anyway, I do think that the problem is that the bottom line defines us. Other nations are also capitalist, but don’t seem to have the widespread issues that we do. But then again, I only follow our news, and not necessarily that very well. I guess I have just never met anyone who thought that money would make them happy. It would be nice not to have to worry about it, but our economists have proved that the more money people make (keeping this conversation in the realm of normal, not extraordinarily wealthy), the more they borrow. So it seems that there isn’t “enough.” There’s just more and more and more. The gap between what you have and what you want doesn’t narrow as you get more, it stays the same.

What is it that money gets us? Why is that the focus of so many things? If we phase it out, do we all have to wear those uniform suits? I’d like the beaming method of transport, but the suits were all so gross. And everyone was relatively serious. So maybe Star Trek isn’t where we want to go.

Damn... Daniel, that sucks. A couple months ago one of my friends plugged up my toilet (please don't ask me to go into detail) and it overflowed overnight. I got up the next day to go to work only to hear once I got downstairs. That little fiasco set me back a couple grand.

Kate, I'm not really sure I'm ready to say that the whole American society is screwed up yet. We all know that money is truly the root of all evil, and it is really sad that it is responsible for 95% of the problems we have. But if we're going to live in a capitalist society, doesn't that pretty much go with the territory? Some people are going to have it easy, others are going to struggle. Is it fair? Of course not. It'd be nice if we phased out money, like in the Star Trek universe, but how do we get there from here?

I can't comment at all on the current presidential race, for I am the very definition of "uninformed voter". Looks like somewhere along the line, I got to thinking I couldn't really make a difference in most of the things that are going in this world, unless they were close enough for me to have a direct impact on them. Then I got jaded and lost almost all of my idealism. I haven't completely given up yet, mind you--I'm just looking for a place to jump in and help. But I have forsaken most external factors (politics especially) in favor of more internal factors (relationships with the people I'm around). I look for the little things I can do for the greater good, helping one person at a time.

I guess overall, however, I certainly don't disagree with you that asking the right questions is the key to solving the problems. I say we start right now. I'd like to hear some opinions on this.

Do you all realize that people actually read our blog? I LOVE the comments! Thank you for reading!!!!

I know we all sound a little nuts, but I think that's because the status quo offered to each of us has been a little disappointing and we are all searching. I thought we were searching for answers, and I now know we are searching for the questions (or should be). As the comment on my last post said, how can we create anything better if we are not creative in our thinking?

Okay, I'm all fired up about things today, but I really have to go and do my job.

I just thought that I should share the epiphany I've had this evening: I have finally figured out not only what is wrong with our political debate, but what is wrong with our modern, United States society. We are asking the wrong questions. We debate political issues on television: everything boils down to the bottom line. We are talking about money, not life. It all boils down to the bottom line, it seems. Even our daily lives often center around or revolve around money. What the hell is money? Money is an abstract concept that is universally given great weight. But what does it mean? It means that we can purchase more thing, purchase more “happiness.”

In the recent primaries (caucus, in my state), I supported Dennis Kucinich. As he is still in the race, I still support his bid for the candidacy. I think what I have most learned from being a Kucinich supporter is how misleading the media can be. Kucinich, Sharpton, and Moseley-Braun were never taken seriously in their candidacy. Kucinich and Sharpton are still in the race, and still receive no attention from the mass media, which is unfortunately the place where most people get their information. Just for the record (since people don’t seem to know): DENNIS KUCINICH WON 30% OF THE VOTE IN HAWAII. This is only the most impressive of his accomplishments, but why are we making mockery of someone who has proven to be a viable candidate, if a long shot?

In truth, I was disappointed with Kucinich in most of the debates that I saw. I love his message and believe in it. And I think he conveys the majority of it well. He is of strong opinions, and he conveys his convictions. What I hate about political debates is that the candidates stump their platforms rather than actually answering the (somewhat inane) questions. Regardless of the content of the questions, I want to see a candidate who can LISTEN and then respond. That’s what I ask.

Regardless, I think that we, as a society (we being the United States of America) are like the misguided citizens of the universe in Douglas Adams’ “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe.” We are attempting to build a machine (in this case political) that can give us THE answer to THE question. In the book, the machine comes up with an answer: 42. And the creators of the machine realize that, irony of all: THEY DO NOT KNOW THE QUESTION.

As I learned in 7th grade, in science class, in order to perform a meaningful experiment, the first thing I need is a question, phrased in a way as to elicit potential answers. THE ASKING OF THE QUESTION IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT STEP IN THE PROCESS.

Well, what questions are we asking? What is it that we want out of life, and what do we need to get it? Shouldn’t these be the questions we are asking? And I call on politicians as a problem, but really, like feminism has said: the personal is political. We must decide what it is that we want out of life and structure and culture and society. We must form those questions as challenges to each other and the dominant paradigm, which is not currently serving most of us. We must then ask these questions of ourselves, of our friends, of our families, of our significant others, of our coworkers and acquaintances, and eventually, of our communities at large. What is it that we face as individuals, as families, and as communities, that our larger human group must address? Where do we begin?

We begin by asking the questions. We begin by asking the questions to which answers are needed.

Comments: No I don't have zapfino. Hmmm. I liked the girly look of the blog, but I'm thinking maybe it could use some updating. I don't like the way the pinkish font shows up on the lavender. It reminds me of ASC mauve, anyway. What about updating to use the lavender we already have with the sort of olive-lime from the Kerry banner as the other background color and the royal dark blue as the alternate font color? That would be my suggestion.

I've sent an email with font suggestions which hopefully came out in the font proposed. I like OzHandicraft or BernhardFashion best of the list. They aren't edgy, but they have some flair.

Last thought: maybe we need to archive a little more often? We are verbose and the page is long. I LOVE the comment at the bottom where a reader didn't realize there were four of us and thought we were one Sybil-like person. We would make quite a hydra, wouldn't we?

The font looks different, but not like cursive or decorative, really. Just slightly different proportions and bigger than before. And the title bar now looks weird.

Nah, sometimes sharing just makes it worse. I find there's no problem that can't be solved without enough killing. Hope things get better for you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should accept a one-dimensional S.O.--far from it--just makes me sad that my gaming brethren don't realize there's more to life sometimes. Realistically, though, gaming is just another hobby like anything else... gotta learn moderation.

I suggest consulting the tax advisor who should be available to you through your department. It's worth a try to see if there are things you can do to reduce the amount you owe.

Who are you to talk about pithy, though, she-who-posts-novels? I don't LIKE being pithy and succinct. I was a liberal arts major. Long-winded is my degree-right. Same comments apply for making my metaphor too long for someone with an MTV attention span.

This wasn't bad press for gamers -- it was just a comment. In general, not always, but in general, people who game are less active socially (i.e. in person, not online). This is fine, but frustrating for a non-gamer who wants social interaction, not beating the crap out of each other with swords. I think to have a good relationship, you social tempos must be compatible. I'm perfectly happy just hanging out most of the time, but I do also like to go and DO stuff. I need someone similar.

So, enough meandering responses. Fuck. I'm having a bad day and issues, and I really just don't want to blog about it. I feel as though I should want to, and part of me does, and another part of me just doesn't want to share. Yep, I'm five years old again.

Well, Susan, that is quite the predicament. I do have one minor suggestion that would at least help with the taxes--move to Florida--no state income tax :) As far as everything else, you could consider a career change to the other side of the line--have you looked at today's organized crime lately? Also, I just watched the first episode of Season 3 of The Shield (great stuff if you haven't watched it)... maybe you could learn some stuff from that Vic Mackey guy.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation tho... credit card debt is serious business. I have a friend that continously spends, despite being tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt--and this guy has a wife and two very young kids! But his parents will typically bail him out of trouble when necessary. Keep fighting the good fight, I say--if all else fails, there's always a place for you in my organization.

You moved my post?!? What are you, some sort of sorceress? I got down on my hands and knees before Susan to be granted content change--now I have to worship you as well? Okay, fine :)

Work is overrated. Besides, you're at 80-85% efficiency, I'm at [mumbles small incoherent single digit number]%. Looks like I'm the one that should put more into it. Oddly enough, that was one of my New Year's Resolutions.

Man, that metaphor was WAY too slow. I lost interest about three seconds into it--you women need to stay out of the left lane :) (point well taken, though)

Great. More bad press for us poor gamers. I don't want to pry if you don't want to talk about it, but I assume you gave him the benefit of the doubt on the social end, only to see him fall into the typical gamer profile? Here's a good way to get women to not listen to you anymore: You: "Yeah, I like to play a lot of video games... I have all three game consoles out now and a bigscreen TV..." (Who would date a guy like that?) ;)

Okay, I just moved your post so that things make more sense. You and I both need to focus more on work, don't we?

I like the "licensing" idea. Hmmm...

Men don't take SUBTLE hints. Susan, is the speed limit metaphor in the archives? I don't think it is -- I think that was a phone conversation. Correct me if I misspeak, but here's the basic gist of the metaphor we came up with which (sort of) worked to describe to a guy how to proceed (and yes, I've embellished):
Men are like fast sports cars (good, since men generally like fast cars and it's soothing to their egos...). They tend to go from zero to sixty very quickly. Women are a little more like tourists in the minivan. Even if they wanted to, they don't pick up speed quite that fast. In fact, they frequently prefer (as tourists) to take the slower back roads -- sightseeing, if you will. If we meet a nice sports car we like, we can sometimes spend some time peering into each others' windows, but eventually, if you're going 60 and I'm still working up to 45, you've lost me. I realize that sometimes the scenic route isn't your first choice, but eventually, I'll get up to 60 and we can both speed up to 80 or 90 and the trip will be good.

As I said before, there is something to be said for manual dexterity, but also points against someone who isn't very good at being social away from his X-Box.

Good grief, 99% of women must have Honda Civics. Reminds of the old 80s movies, where the girl love interest always drove a Cabriolet or equivalent.

On the work ethic I have to admit, I spend a rather low percentage of my time at work actually working (obviously, how else would I able to post entire novels on this site during the day)... but the nature of my job is mostly to wait for something to go wrong, so it does allow for that.

As far as mind reading during sex, it goes both ways, too... if I had to guess, I would venture that most men in general would welcome any question from their partner as to what could be done to make them feel better. I think that any man that A) would make a woman try to read his mind in that regard and/or B) would NOT listen to suggestions made by his partner in favor of his own ego should have his license to have sex revoked for at least two years. I dunno--always kinda bothers me to hear the old "men don't take hints well"--not that it ain't true, I'm living proof--just seems kinda one-sided. Men give out hints all the time that aren't picked up by women.

Kate, you dated a gamer? Was it as bad as everyone makes it out to be?

Hmmm--guess what happens when you leave the "Create New Post" window open for long periods of time without actually submitting anything? You create posts in the past, which is why my latest is after Kate's, even though it is a response...

First, though I love Gertie (my ‘92 Honda Civic, also known as “the sorority girl car”), the biggest benefit of a no-frills, base model car is that there isn’t as much to break. She ain’t pretty. I’m with Susan’s decision on the Pussy Wagon – as soon as you spend money on paint, the insides are going to liquify and destory that investment. I think the window is fixed now. No promises, though. Grrr.

Work ethic is a sticking point. When I'm at work, at least 80% of my time (90%, most days) is dedicated to -- guess what? -- WORKING. I hate working with people who are just there to pass the time. I spend 40 hours a week here, and I may as well make it worth my while. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally goof off, but those breaks should make me a more productive worker.

Um, speaking as the former girlfriend of a gamer, manual dexterity can be a great thing. I think as far as sex is concerned, the two best things a guy (or girl) can have are an open mind and the ability to communicate. I always think of the scene in Chasing Amy where Banky explains to Alyssa why he just doesn't go down on girls anymore: he needs a road map and some directions, and she generally just lies there quiet. As Susan has attested, there are HUGE dividends paid out to those who know how to, through noise, body movement or words, tell their lovers when things are going well and where to go next. Having sex with a mime hasn't even made to fetish status for a reason.

I guess the way I've figured it (and I admit that it was a realization that took some time coming -- pun unintentional but welcomed), if I don't tell my lover what it is that I want/need him to do, and I don't get it (or get off), it's pretty much my fault. If I tell him or guide him and he resists instruction, whether from misplaced ego ("I amCasanova!") or from lack of ability or because of some other, impossible to understand guy reason, THEN we have a problem. But men don't read minds and they also don't generally respond to subtle hints. Just tell 'em what you gotta tell 'em.

Neither one of you did actually say bigger is better--I meant the general cliche. But I did get another free sex lesson from Susan, who I'm beginning to believe may have missed her true calling in life. I typically get stuck with the ones that firmly believe the guy needs to guess what needs to be done or they can't tell you what feels good to them. Let's just say I wish I knew more women who were willing to communicate about stuff like that. Susan, I can't vouch for the other guy gamers out there, but I think there are a couple of girls who have made my acquaintance out there who may have changed their view on the benefits of manual dexterity improved through gaming, and leave it at that :)

Kate, my driver's side window is stuck... it's been on the fritz for years, now I have to get it fixed, this is my 2000 Monte Carlo--another marvel of American engineering. Actually, I won't knock it. Other than the window, I really haven't had any real problems with it. Great experience for the first new car I hope to have owned start to finish. But when you mentioned the no pride in their jobs, it reminded me of my two trips to Japan to visit Bill (remember him? married with child now). I had the best McDonalds of my life over there. Everything was perfect. EVERY TIME. Try getting that over there. Those people have a work ethic and pride in their job (no matter what it is, even street sweeper), that most of us can barely comprehend. It would be nice to see some of that over here.

For the record, Luigi has about a 40 ft vertical (from Super Mario Bros 2). I'm not sure why he never made it into the NBA. I think he may still be playing for the Mushroom Kingdom Olympic team. As for me, I'm getting in touch with my inner ninja. The only thing better than HD channels on my TV are the games.

The only reason I read Maxim and Stuff is because my married friends have subscriptions and keep throwing the issues at me. Well, it's not the ONLY reason. The articles are informative too :) For some reason, I keep getting issues of Complex, a hip hop magazine, even though I never subscribed. But I'm not complaining--it's pretty decent.

Only TWO days left until SPRING BREAK!!! Sure, I'm 29 and five years removed from college... but it's never too late to go to Miami for Spring Break for the first time...

My problem with the Brothers is that short, fat, Italian dudes don't jump well. Or at least I couldn't make them. They kept falling down holes. And then I died, and had to start over.

When did either of us say bigger is better? It ain’t what you got, it’s how you use it. In this case, what you show on it. If you’re only using the big screen to make the Italian brothers bigger, it isn’t necessarily doing you much good. And for the record, why would you want Trading Spaces in high definition? How about some hot men in high def?? Guess you wouldn’t want to promise that to your SO.

(Oh, and bigger isn’t better only when we’re talking within normal ranges. Edo period Japanese ukiyo-e print big isn’t good. But neither is Vienna sausage.)

I have to go pick up my car. Again. Window got shot out, I got it fixed. Drove it on the highway: window freaking pops out again. Fucking car. Damn incompetant American workers with no pride in their jobs.

Oh and another thing (soon you will be sorry you ever let me in the door)--leave Mario and Luigi alone, Kate. There's so much more to them than just jumping on top of and smashing koopas with a hammer... like... uh... ...uh... okay, never mind... maybe that is all they have to offer, but it's been enough for me to play all 13,469 games they've been featured in.

Daniel, the women may have a point. Bigger is truly better. Once you've gone 60" widescreen HDTV, you never go back. All I can say is get one of your own or convince one of your friends to get one. I'm the most popular guy on the block now--been thinking of charging admission to my house. If you're trying to convince the S.O. to approve the purchase, tell them about the possibility of Trading Spaces or Sex in the City in High Def... that ought to do it.

Susan, I'm with Daniel--you'll never know until you ask... problem is, he's your trainer, so if it does get awkward, you'll either have to deal with it, or get someone else to pump (clap, then point) YOU up. As far as Mike goes, quit hexing him--and put the voodoo dolls down :) Oh, and let me know when the book comes out. You can add the following to the jacket from me:

"I laughed. I cried. I wet myself." -- Mark Pinkston, local boob

Daniel, if the donation for the new CoC is a recent event, no I don't think I did. But I thought I remembered hearing something similar awhile back... I wish I had taken more advantage of that building (or hell, the entire CS experience) while I was there. Shoulda, coulda, woulda--oh well. Maybe there's still hope for me in the Hall of Underachievers.

I'm looking forward to this whole "myth of manhood" thing. I'm not sure exactly what it is you guys want to discuss, so I'll wait to see what develops. All I can tell you so far is that societal myths and constructs are merely guidelines... it is up to the individual to determine how much they will allow their own opinions to be swayed by them. Sure, I can picture myself with the 50s version of the American Dream--wife gives me a kiss on my way to work while she gets the 2.5 kids ready for school, and it's a nice fantasy. But I don't let that keep me from considering a career-minded woman if/when I want to get married. I can't vouch for all the other guys, but I would hope that most of us would know when to realize that all the "myths of manhood" are just a suggestion of a way of life instead of a hard and fast rule to be lived by. But who knows? Kate gets her supporting material from scholarly books--most of what I learned I get from Maxim and Stuff :)

I think the introduction of a few more people has definitely revived the blog. Mark and Daniel, keep in mind that Susan and I went to a women's college, where there were no boys to impress and no reason to play at or pretend innocence in any matter -- sexual or intellectual. I think that the majority of us have found that the world-at-large is a little shocked by how blunt we can be, but at the same time, it is useful in weeding out the closed-minded. I'm not interested in that group of people as companions in my life's journey.

Gee, I didn't know we shocked people, though. Hmmm. I kind of like it.

I remember cat, barf, and bug. I think I still remember all the signs, too. Cool. College may have been the salad days, but I have to say I've taken much of that with me. I think we need a road trip, though.

Daniel, I've often noticed that about people on TV. I find it fascinating. I keep trying to break the addiction, but so far, I can't. Living with Susan for two years didn't help. I remember attempting to put together the loft bed at the beginning of junior year, and Susan looking at the clock and frantically hooking up the TV so as not to miss an episode of Highlander. That show got better every time Petey showed up and whenever the dumbass blond kid wasn't on. Why do we waste our time, minds, and energy on the idiot box? Oh, and Zelda I had played and beat years before high school. I just had issues with the Mario Brothers.

Bring on the myth of manhood discussion. I've been reading two things lately: feminist musing (recent, 1990s on) and "historic" sex guides (1980s back). Many things to say on both subjects. The best thing I've read recently are some discussions in Naomi Wolf's books about how the dominant patriarchal paradigm in our culture today really screws everyone: it constrains everyone, men, women, and children, to predefined roles and, despite our cries of "individuality!" does not allow true expressions of how we would like our lives to be.

I had to change my earlier posts around several times to try to find the right words for what I wanted to say, but basically:

- reading through the archives gave me a rush of memories involving you and Susan, I was reliving the whole experience all over again... remembering the night you and I met, remembering the awkward point where your friends and my friends met and Susan got pissed at me because I almost left with deciding to stay and hang out with you two, remembering me holding the door open for you at IHOP and you tossing me through it instead, I don't even remember the fellatio demo (which is odd for me), but NO ONE will EVER forget Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity (and I always get apple--I hate strawberries)

- As I'm going back through all those events in mind, I was reading what pretty much amounted to you two baring your souls to degrees I'm just not used to with the people I am currently around... I felt like I was there with you, and part of me was happy or sad for you as I read what happened, so much has happened since those days way back, and I felt a little sad about not having been there, don't ask me why... so as I'm going through the archives, I'm just coming across honesty from women (especially with regard to sex) that I'm just not used to, hence the blushing... I'm just getting acclimated to the environment... determining the limits of discussion, and it doesn't look like there are any... so I'll issue a disclaimer now for anything I may type later... I feel like I should have attained honorary brother (no, not brutha, brother) status with you two for just having read something so intimate... perhaps I'm being melodramatic, but I can be like that :)

- the actual purpose of bringing that quote from She Who Shall Remain Nameless was to point out a contrast in that sentiment and the issue she has with her current boy toy not recognizing her birthday... he's still stupid for not being aware of it, though.

- Dan, do I know you? I also was(am) a Ramblin' Wreck. CS '98.

Mark -- remember one evening: Rooti Tutti Fresh and Fruity. I think you matched the strawberries that night. Wasn't that the night that was passed around an empty beer bottle at the club (the now, sadly defunct The Point) to demonstrate fellatio techniques? My, how quickly we forget. Or maybe it was blocking traumatic memories?? I have to know what made you blush so.

I hate my birthday. But I think I would also hate it if no one remembered. Not everyone has to remember, but there are certain friends who do, and generally your SO should, too. I just don't like to make a big deal out of it. Say "Happy Birthday" and move on.

Leave it to me to get posts out of order, but I forgot to submit after previewing, so without any further ado, the post that should go before the one that is after this...

Found this in the archives:

happy b-day to kt! although it doesnt seem as if she is interested in the celebration part. i do have to admit though that i dont understand the allure of celebrating the day of one's birth. afterall, how friggin' important was it really in the grand scheme of things?!

Anyone want to fess up to having typed that? ;)

Susan, cheers to you for such fiery emotion. Passion is indeed somewhat of a lost art these days it seems. Back to the archives for me...

almost caught up... I'll have you two know I've probably blushed three shades of red darker than I ever have before while reading through the archives--and I'm BLACK!

I spent half an hour at a video arcade about a year ago.... but I didn't enjoy it (I didn't inhale....). I think I could handle a week on the couch with the TV, but I just suck at video games. The last time I did some major playing, I was a senior in high school and attempting to beat the original Super Mario Brothers game. I don't think I ever did. I had a problem with level 1.2 -- if I could get past that, I was okay until level 9 or something, but I hated 1.2. Sad. But at least I can't say I have a "gaming life." There have to be props for that.

Vultures. Hmmm. Besides the cartoon aspect, I can see that maybe they would make you feel comfortable biking around.

Music, when written by a good musician and excellent lyricist, can speak to the soul in a way that "just" words cannot.

I am so happy that it is Friday. Yawn.

Found this in the archives:

happy b-day to kt! although it doesnt seem as if she is interested in the celebration part. i do have to admit though that i dont understand the allure of celebrating the day of one's birth. afterall, how friggin' important was it really in the grand scheme of things?!

Anyone want to fess up to having typed that? ;)

Susan, cheers to you for such fiery emotion. Passion is indeed somewhat of a lost art these days it seems. Back to the archives for me...

Ah, I see. Yeah, I haven't exactly gone back through the archives, but I guess if I'm gonna comment of stuff you guys are talking about a little background would definitely help. So forget all that crap I just said :) Just kidding--I still feel that way in general. When I get a chance, I'll flip back through the archives, and then I'll be better prepared to respond. In the meantime, you are in the most exciting and dangerous of situations when it comes to these things, the old liking a co-worker... but yeah, seeing as how you guys aren't dating, that's pretty normal for him to have had no idea when your birthday was. I'm not saying it's fair, but that's the way it goes. I couldn't tell you any of my female friends' birthdays. My man logic says I don't wish for them to remember mine so hopefully they'll excuse the fact that I don't place a high priority on remembering theirs. However, since I go to the trouble to carry a PDA around, I've made a habit of recording people's birthdays as they are revealed to me. So I'm trying to get better about that. As far as whether you should give him the gift or not, I'm with Kate... go with how you feel. And if it's true that you can't stay mad at him for long, you might as well give it to him.

Kate, I'll make you a deal. I'll spend a week in the great outdoors with you... you spend a week on the couch watching TV and playing games with me :) I've been outside lately--there's a nice little bike trail just a mile or two away from my house with trees and grass and birdies and deer and the occasional wild boar (OH and vultures, lots of vultures--makes me wonder if I've moved into a Roadrunner cartoon). Believe it or not, I love being out there. It's very peaceful, and allows me time to reflect on what's currently going on in my life. When's the last time you played a video game?

I don't think down on his knees is necessary (although who doesn't love a man on his knees??). I think that since he forgot something that is obviously important to you, he should be sincerely apologetic about it, whether he "gets it" or not. And yes, if he's paying attention, he would be able to tell that it was important to you. Your heart is blazing out on your sleeve 98.6% of the time and you know it. NOT being rude or mean isn't the same as being nice about it.

Think about the birthday gift. If it feels right, give it. If not, don't. Oh, and please go listen to track #3 off Afterglow (Sarah McLachlan's latest).

Mark, I love you, but you have to get out more. Three game consoles is pretty damn scary. Come visit me -- I'll introduce you to bison, elk, and prairie dogs (although I cannot promise the elk -- they come and go).

Well, I'll just jump right on in... I've got quite a bit to say on this, but I may not get all of it down--I'm still at work...

Susan, I don't know the details of your current relationship with Mike, but I will tell you that I believe not going out with my girlfriend in college on her birthday (but I didn't forget, at least) was one of the things she held against me for the duration of our relationship. So I think you can definitely reserve the right to be pissed about it. ESPECIALLY if he made no attempt to even seem apologetic until you just about forced the issue. You mentioned personal value quotient (hereafter referred to as PVQ)... it seems to me that guys in general tend not to place as much emphasis on remembering birthdays as girls do. However, your SO should respect you enough to make it a point... if not, then it seems like his perception of your PVQ to him is certainly not as high as yours is of him to you. It didn't take me long to learn that forgetting or making light your girlfriend's birthday is about the worst thing you could possibly do, so I'm surprised he wasn't aware of that.

Now on the flip side, if you choose to change your mind about treating his birthday the same or not giving him a present, then you're just sinking to his level. Be the better (wo)man in this case. Don't change your ways, because you wouldn't want to treat someone else like that. I'm not saying reward bad behavior, just don't change your normal MO. Someone will be deserving of you the way you are, whether it's him or someone else.

The whole can men/women be friends... I don't have nearly enough time to get into this... but the short version IMHO reads like this: It stands to reason that at least one will be attracted to the other, friends or not. Most of the time, the person who has "more than friends" type feelings will keep them to themself to prevent risking losing a friendship in case the other does not feel the same way. If for whatever reason, the attraction is acted on, the two people will likely never see each other the same even if they remain friends. Bottom line, I think people tend to ignore their feelings sometimes in favor of remaining friends--and I don't think that's a bad thing in some cases--many of my female friends I still harbor "more than friends" type feelings for to some extent, but in several cases I value their friendship more than taking a chance on what might happen. Too much primal stuff going on for men, I think. Women are a confusing, yet alluring breed. Couldn't love 'em more :)

Now, Kate, on the maintenance thing with regard to our lives, I'm still waiting for them to perfect cloning. I mean, sign me up! There is entirely too much life to live and entirely too little time to do it in. Unfortunately, it's simply too easy to be lazy about most aspects of your life in terms of maintenance. When I think about everything I'd like to work on, it's simply overwhelming. So instead, I do nothing. Doesn't make much sense, but it is what it is.

You guys are making me think too hard. Good thing wrestling is on tonight. Oh, BTW, just try to pry that game controller from my cold, dead fingers. You'll find it more difficult than it looks :) In the absence of intellectual stimulation, I've purchased a 60" widescreen TV and I now own all three current generation game consoles. I have more video games in my house right now than I could possibly play over three lifetimes even if that was all I did. Sad thing is, video games only represent a small percentage of the things I want to experience in life. My work life, my social life, my athletic life, and my gaming life are all screaming for attention, and I'm still trying to figure out how to balance them all. Man, don't even get me started.

I'd be angry. Guys use the myth of manhood to hide behind. I don't think that there is any genetic or biological reason that men cannot remember "important" dates. They know when major sports events take place, don't they? (Okay, yeah, using the stereotype when attempting to debunk it is like using a word in its own definition: wrong!). Part of it is cultural. Personal relationships are supposed to be less important to a man than his work and outside interests. Relationships are not supposed to "define" a man's personhood. In contrast, women are told that we should define ourselves in terms of our relationships. This doesn't work out well for anyone, really. We both get screwed.

Back on topic: I don't know if you should give him the present or not. That's an "in the moment/in the situation" judgment call, in my opinion. The value of the gift isn't necessarily the deciding factor, nor is the reciprocity of gift-giving. It's the fact that you are acknowledging his important personal holiday, and he didn't bother to acknowledge yours. If he had been late, or got the date wrong, but still said something or gave you a card (even just saying "Happy Birthday!" counts for something) OR apologized (sincerely) for forgetting, I'd say get over it and move on. But since he doesn't seem to care, I'd be wary. But hey, that's just my "trust no one until he or she proves to be trustworthy" mode kicking in.

I'd like the hear the guys on this one.

Yeah, for the record, Mark, we don't have guests. You're family now, with the same chores and benefits as everyone else. Now we're even a good, balanced family: boys vs. girls. Even if you do still play video games occasionally....

Daniel, if you send me your address off-list, I will send you painting information. I've loads. Most of it, unfortunately for you, applies to wood siding, not weird manufactured materials. You can also check out the list of Preservation Briefs published by the National Park Service. Several deal with paint issues. In most cases, NPS does not look favorably on new materials. The ones developed in the post-WWII boom have not proved to stand the test of time as well as the older, traditional building materials. Newer ones haven't had a chance to age yet (except vinyl, which we've discussed.)

I think the problem is this: Life is not maintenance free. We must maintain ourselves (see blog discussion on the Gym). We must maintain our relationships (see blog discussions innumerable). Etc, etc. By expecting our environments, built and natural, to be maintenance free, despite what we put them through, is ridiculous. And why shouldn't we invest some time and effort (or just money, if we have it) into the areas in which we live, work, and play??

Instead, we destroy things around us, sometimes for fun. Personal example: I'm off to pick up my car at the auto glass shop. Some jackass with nothing better to do (teenage boy, from the one eyewitness) went on a BB gun shooting spree and smashed 5 car windows and two business windows, including the window on my driver's side door. He apparently also shot at some woman taking a smoke break outside the Baptist nursing home down the street. He must not be too bright: for one thing, he started his little spree at 9:30 pm on a Saturday night. Dumbass. Go read a freaking book.

P.S. The blog spell check does not recognize the words "dumbass" and "blog." Hmmm.

Hello everybody! Please, don't get up for my benefit... I'll just have a seat right here and listen in... I've been poking around a bit, you guys use some mighty big words... stuff I haven't seen since the SAT, which for me was quite some time ago. Anyway, I'm Mark for those of you who don't know me, and I was invited to come join the party here by Kate, who must remember my more intelligent days, which are mostly behind me now. So please... carry on... glad to be on the show...

Vinyl siding and vinyl or aluminum replacement windows are both just considered BAD from the standpoint of preservation. Understand first that the Secretary of the Interior's Standards for the Treatment of Historic Properties recommend first and foremost: REPAIR RATHER THAN REPLACE. The value of materials in texture, look, feel, etc. cannot be underestimated.

Beyond that, in many cases the replacements do NOT offer better insulation than the original wood. In many cases, vinyl siding is laid over top of existing wood siding and no extra insulation is added (which I do not get!). The problem with many older houses is the lack of insulation. Vinyl siding is NOT maintenance-free. Nothing is maintenance-free. This is an illusion brought on by the glamour (fantasy/magic meaning here) of our throw-away consumerist culture. Environmental chemists have declared PVC (vinyl) to be one of the most toxic substances created -- its by-products are dangerous and it doesn't degrade. Most vinyl siding has a lifespan of around 20 to 30 years (if you're lucky.) It fades, but does not take paint (and besides, wasn't the point of vinyl siding that you didn't have to paint?) Now, return to wood, which is a renewable and biodegradable resource: a good paint job (i.e. one done with the proper preparation of the surfaces, correct primer, and not sprayed on with cheap paint) can last 10 to 20 years and the siding is still good. If your paint lasts say, 15 years, and you paint twice in the 30-year lifespan of a vinyl siding, you come out on top, money-wise.

As for windows, just as they are the eyes of a building (much as eyes are the windows to the soul) which makes them key character-defining elements in a building's style. Same argument as above: vinyl replacement windows are designed to last approximately 25 years. Then you throw them out. Wood windows, properly maintained, can last indefinitely. I have worked on 120 year-old windows that worked great. They require work, are not maintenance-free, and do need a storm and screen combo to make for modern comfort. BUT, studies have proven that a tight-fitting window and storm either match or come close to the energy efficiency of a modern, double-paned vinyl window. They just require a little more work -- but the aesthetic payoff is totally worth it.

As for indoor air quality, that shouldn't be an issue assuming that modern HVAC systems have been installed. What does happen sometimes is that the structure itself cannot breathe and begins to deteriorate. Builders of historic homes had a better feeling for the life of the materials used in construction: wood breathes, transmits some moisture, and expands and contracts with weather changes. The whole building needs to be sensitive to this movement, or things fall apart. Like a smaller version of bridges bouncing, right?