Damn straight I can--bring on the meaningless sex :) Though admittedly, I'm getting up a bit long in the tooth for that sort of thing. I lost my best relationship over "sowing my wild oats"... for years, I regretted that decision. But when it finally paid off, I realized I'd made the right choice. Women are yummy and delicious and I felt compelled to try the sampler platter. Don't get me wrong, though--there is no sex better than love making... so there's a definite trade off. Like I've said before, if I'm taken, she's the one for me. If I'm free, all bets are off.
Besides, what fun would it be if men and women thought the same about sex? Personally, I think that many women have a certain kind of guy with which they don't mind so much the sex for sex's sake, but that's just a guess on my part.
You're definitely right about the repressed part, Kate--all it takes is a visit to some other countries to see how true that is.
As for the men willing to have The Talk... I would definitely agree that MOST men aren't into "where is this relationship going?", and of those men, most of them that are resistant to it are younger. But some of us actually do care where our relationship is going, and care enough about our women to let them know how we feel about them. I once made the mistake of not letting someone know how I felt. I'll be damned if I do it again.
28 April 2004
I don't think lifting an ass is necessary. I have yet to find a woman who couldn't find a sex partner, if that's all she wanted. There are some who don't look and complain there is no one out there, but with the sexualized (and yet remarkably repressed) social culture of which we are part, finding just sex doesn't generally seem to be a problem. And that's enough for a lot of people -- they have apparently separated sex from attachment and get their emotional needs filled by other sources.
I've personally never been able to do that, and I know Susan can't. The boys both say they can. In some ways, it would be nice to have that division -- it would mean getting it on a little more often. But then again, sex for the sake of sex is more easily and safely done by one's self. Sex for one isn't as much fun, but at least you know what turns you on, and in general, the guy you picked up that night for some fun doesn't. If I'm going to get naked with someone -- not just sex, but get naked -- I want to know him well enough to know if I like him.
I've personally never been able to do that, and I know Susan can't. The boys both say they can. In some ways, it would be nice to have that division -- it would mean getting it on a little more often. But then again, sex for the sake of sex is more easily and safely done by one's self. Sex for one isn't as much fun, but at least you know what turns you on, and in general, the guy you picked up that night for some fun doesn't. If I'm going to get naked with someone -- not just sex, but get naked -- I want to know him well enough to know if I like him.
27 April 2004
Ja, I'm not hearing World War III started here. Das ist gut.
Um, I'm not going to check or correct your MP quotes. I don't know them that well. I have a few friends who do -- in fact, I know of a 3.5 year relationship which started because of the dead Python boy (He's gone to be with Graham) and I really think the Flying Circus is the glue that keeps them together, but that's not me. I'm just generally amused.
You're right about the comments. They do appear now.
Interesting way of putting it, Jenn (comment 2). What I've discovered is that some men ARE willing to discuss the relationship and how they feel about you, but only when it isn't posited that way. I don't know anyone, boy or girl, who likes The Relationship Talk. Occasionally, for sanity's (overrated sake) one or both parties need to do a little State Of kind of discussion, but yeah, it's not usually the beginning of the relationship. Or not pre-the-beginning.
Despite other appropriate Gen-X tendencies (mainly a belief in the liberation of women) I think Susan would have done well in Victorian times, when learning how to wave your fan, drop your hanky, and leave your calling card all sent signals which could be interpreted by others. There were rules and ways of doing things and, supposedly, less ambiguity. But then again, women were to grow up, get enough education to amuse their husbands and their friends, and marry and produce. Whether they did it or not, there was an expected path, complete with road map. My how things have changed.
Um, I'm not going to check or correct your MP quotes. I don't know them that well. I have a few friends who do -- in fact, I know of a 3.5 year relationship which started because of the dead Python boy (He's gone to be with Graham) and I really think the Flying Circus is the glue that keeps them together, but that's not me. I'm just generally amused.
You're right about the comments. They do appear now.
Interesting way of putting it, Jenn (comment 2). What I've discovered is that some men ARE willing to discuss the relationship and how they feel about you, but only when it isn't posited that way. I don't know anyone, boy or girl, who likes The Relationship Talk. Occasionally, for sanity's (overrated sake) one or both parties need to do a little State Of kind of discussion, but yeah, it's not usually the beginning of the relationship. Or not pre-the-beginning.
Despite other appropriate Gen-X tendencies (mainly a belief in the liberation of women) I think Susan would have done well in Victorian times, when learning how to wave your fan, drop your hanky, and leave your calling card all sent signals which could be interpreted by others. There were rules and ways of doing things and, supposedly, less ambiguity. But then again, women were to grow up, get enough education to amuse their husbands and their friends, and marry and produce. Whether they did it or not, there was an expected path, complete with road map. My how things have changed.
26 April 2004
...and before someone jumps all over me, I just realized that it's actually "I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisiton"...
*NOBODY* EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!
*NOBODY* EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!
Good lord woman, yes you did misquote it, but only barely... the correct start, of course, is "I didn't expect the sort of Spanish Inquistion". I was just doing the expected response, not correcting you.
As far as the comments, here they are:
Jenn's first comment, that started this whole mess:
You sound crazy. He doesn't want you. Get over him.
Jenn's second comment, in response to Susan:
Of course I'll respond. I've learned that men detest talking about "how they feel about you" even 2, 3, 10 years into relationships. So for you to spring some "I love you deeply, let's talk about us" kind of stuff on him when you haven't even kissed him, much less had anything remotely resembling a "relationship," with this guy, is crazy. Of course he bolted. Of course he's reluctant to get involved with you. And of course he tells you nice things because he doesn't want to make you even crazier. The venting you do here on your blog would be nothing compared to the shit he'd have to hear for the next lifetime. He does have to work with you. So quit acting like the spoiled princess who was denied her treat, get on with it, and maybe he'll want to be around you and buy you ice cream again.
There you go. Although they came straight up for me this time, so maybe they're working for you now. Doesn't seem like there's been any follow up, so maybe the issue can be laid to rest. Although something tells me that having posted the comments, I might have started Round Two...
[ducks]
As far as the comments, here they are:
Jenn's first comment, that started this whole mess:
You sound crazy. He doesn't want you. Get over him.
Jenn's second comment, in response to Susan:
Of course I'll respond. I've learned that men detest talking about "how they feel about you" even 2, 3, 10 years into relationships. So for you to spring some "I love you deeply, let's talk about us" kind of stuff on him when you haven't even kissed him, much less had anything remotely resembling a "relationship," with this guy, is crazy. Of course he bolted. Of course he's reluctant to get involved with you. And of course he tells you nice things because he doesn't want to make you even crazier. The venting you do here on your blog would be nothing compared to the shit he'd have to hear for the next lifetime. He does have to work with you. So quit acting like the spoiled princess who was denied her treat, get on with it, and maybe he'll want to be around you and buy you ice cream again.
There you go. Although they came straight up for me this time, so maybe they're working for you now. Doesn't seem like there's been any follow up, so maybe the issue can be laid to rest. Although something tells me that having posted the comments, I might have started Round Two...
[ducks]
Nope, still can't find/read the comments. Shit, if people are going to rant, I want to know what the hell it's about!
Oh, and SUE me for misquoting the Python boys. I have their freaking page-a-day calendar (a gift, and a nice one), but I don't remember quotes exactly. Good grief.
Where does all the time go? Where did April go? I have a board meeting on Friday morning and a conference, at which I must present, on Saturday. Grrrr, argh. Too many things going on, frankly, and not enough time.
Oh, and SUE me for misquoting the Python boys. I have their freaking page-a-day calendar (a gift, and a nice one), but I don't remember quotes exactly. Good grief.
Where does all the time go? Where did April go? I have a board meeting on Friday morning and a conference, at which I must present, on Saturday. Grrrr, argh. Too many things going on, frankly, and not enough time.
24 April 2004
I doubt it's the computer you're on--I also couldn't read the comments. Try clicking on the part that says "check master server comments" or the like near the bottom of the window, then scroll up.
Kate, there would be no need for an apology as it wasn't exactly your fault. And by not exactly your fault, I mean it was totally my fault, and I learned a good life's lesson from it. 'Nuff said.
Kate, there would be no need for an apology as it wasn't exactly your fault. And by not exactly your fault, I mean it was totally my fault, and I learned a good life's lesson from it. 'Nuff said.
Okay, this totally sucks. I can't, on the computer I'm on, read the comments. Argh. But I get the gist of them all.
1. Jenn, you don't know Susan (and vice versa). For the record, yeah, I'd say she's a little crazy. We all have our emotional Achilles' heel. Hers is the perfect boy.
2. Susan, calm the fuck down. I have NO idea what Jenn said (see above), but just as you are entitled to your feelings and opinions, so is she. Maybe what she said (I gather it was more or less "get over it and move on, he doesn't want you) is a truth you aren't ready to handle quite yet -- maybe it was premature for your timeline. But Mike has said NO to a relationship, and whatever his reasons, his decision stands. He's so most definitely NOT perfect. Deal with his decision, deal with your anger and your hurt, do NOT take it out on any inanimate building parts unless you want to become overly friendly with your health insurance company, and eventually, yes, move on.
Mark, I would apologize for the wall, but then again, I didn't even know about it until months and months later. At this point, I have to say I wouldn't change a thing, but I admit to a little curiosity about the different paths that were available at that time. But then again, No one Expects the Spanish Inquisition, either....
1. Jenn, you don't know Susan (and vice versa). For the record, yeah, I'd say she's a little crazy. We all have our emotional Achilles' heel. Hers is the perfect boy.
2. Susan, calm the fuck down. I have NO idea what Jenn said (see above), but just as you are entitled to your feelings and opinions, so is she. Maybe what she said (I gather it was more or less "get over it and move on, he doesn't want you) is a truth you aren't ready to handle quite yet -- maybe it was premature for your timeline. But Mike has said NO to a relationship, and whatever his reasons, his decision stands. He's so most definitely NOT perfect. Deal with his decision, deal with your anger and your hurt, do NOT take it out on any inanimate building parts unless you want to become overly friendly with your health insurance company, and eventually, yes, move on.
Mark, I would apologize for the wall, but then again, I didn't even know about it until months and months later. At this point, I have to say I wouldn't change a thing, but I admit to a little curiosity about the different paths that were available at that time. But then again, No one Expects the Spanish Inquisition, either....
New theme song for Susan: Liz Phair's "Extraordinary" (new album). Play it loud and until it makes perfect 100% sense.
23 April 2004
FUCK IT. You're all grounded. *ALL* of you. Susan, Jenn, (and even Kate and Daniel for no reason).
All kidding aside... I love being put in potential situations to choose sides when there really is no call for it. This issue is a non-issue as far as I can tell. Jenn can certainly fight her own battles, should she choose to or not (although I find it somewhat ironic that she, like you, Susan, has a penchant to speak her mind directly). There are a few things I want to point out here, I'm going to have to do them in no particular order:
-- This is a web log. It is open to the INTERNET. That means that anyone that stumbles onto it, could read it. Anyone that reads it, could comment on it. Those comments, in turn, may or may NOT be uplifiting. In fact, I'm surprised we haven't suffered from the rampant insulting that goes on on other sites.
-- That wasn't much of a comment to rate the fiery response, if you ask me. It's not like she called you a psycho bitch. You had me thinking she'd insulted your mother or something. The only possible part of that that was even remotely insulting was the part about you sounding crazy... and that's a stretch. As for the "he doesn't want you"... that's her opinion, which certainly doesn't make it fact. If you aren't comfortable with your own position with regard to Mike in your own mind to know how valid or not a statement like that is, then I can't help you. Now by the same token, she has to pretty much live with your response, since that's your opinion. Personally, I happen to think that perhaps you let your emotions (in this case, great anger at Mike and your situation that could've been but wasn't) speak for you in that case, and that at another time, you might not have reacted the way you did.
-- Now then, since Jenn found her way here only because of me, and I am merely an invited guest myself, I shall apologize in her stead for perhaps being a mite insensitive. I am certain no malice was intended by the comment. If anything, she was probably trying to look out for you, believe it or not.
-- I'm going to have almost completely agree with what Kate had to say on the subject. Susan, you and I already talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and that most of the time, things never work out the way you imagine they will. Although, looking at the entries, I guess I'm missing what exactly he did between Tuesday and Thursday, or if the whole of it finally hit you a couple days later. Either way, I am sad for you that it didn't work out, but life goes on, and it is quite likely you will end up in a much better situation.
-- So go ahead, Susan, be PISSED. I would be, too--but then again, I learned first "hand" (those of you that know what I'm talking about will pardon the pun) that anger can be detrimental to your health. Unleash the FUCK YOUs. Then get over it, and get back in the saddle. I suppose you could just come to the conclusion that Mike was as good as it gets for you and simply not go on with life, but come on...
Anyway, I think any possible confrontation between you two kids is simply silly. I would say Jenn will probably elect to not comment any further on this whole thing, but I'd be lying if I didn't say there's a chance she just might respond to your response. I want a clean fight, though, so touch gloves and come out boxing :)
Kate, I was amazed to see what sorts of petitions are out there as well. There's basically a petition to save (or bring to DVD) any show that was ever aired once on TV. That's just the beginning, too. It just goes to show you that there are so many people in the world, there's at least one person interested in anything, no matter how silly it seems... more screen time for Cyclops, indeed... like ANYONE wants THAT. People should get behind real issues such as the development of Fallout 3 or the brutal death of Jar-Jar Binks in Episode III.
All kidding aside... I love being put in potential situations to choose sides when there really is no call for it. This issue is a non-issue as far as I can tell. Jenn can certainly fight her own battles, should she choose to or not (although I find it somewhat ironic that she, like you, Susan, has a penchant to speak her mind directly). There are a few things I want to point out here, I'm going to have to do them in no particular order:
-- This is a web log. It is open to the INTERNET. That means that anyone that stumbles onto it, could read it. Anyone that reads it, could comment on it. Those comments, in turn, may or may NOT be uplifiting. In fact, I'm surprised we haven't suffered from the rampant insulting that goes on on other sites.
-- That wasn't much of a comment to rate the fiery response, if you ask me. It's not like she called you a psycho bitch. You had me thinking she'd insulted your mother or something. The only possible part of that that was even remotely insulting was the part about you sounding crazy... and that's a stretch. As for the "he doesn't want you"... that's her opinion, which certainly doesn't make it fact. If you aren't comfortable with your own position with regard to Mike in your own mind to know how valid or not a statement like that is, then I can't help you. Now by the same token, she has to pretty much live with your response, since that's your opinion. Personally, I happen to think that perhaps you let your emotions (in this case, great anger at Mike and your situation that could've been but wasn't) speak for you in that case, and that at another time, you might not have reacted the way you did.
-- Now then, since Jenn found her way here only because of me, and I am merely an invited guest myself, I shall apologize in her stead for perhaps being a mite insensitive. I am certain no malice was intended by the comment. If anything, she was probably trying to look out for you, believe it or not.
-- I'm going to have almost completely agree with what Kate had to say on the subject. Susan, you and I already talked about the difference between fantasy and reality and that most of the time, things never work out the way you imagine they will. Although, looking at the entries, I guess I'm missing what exactly he did between Tuesday and Thursday, or if the whole of it finally hit you a couple days later. Either way, I am sad for you that it didn't work out, but life goes on, and it is quite likely you will end up in a much better situation.
-- So go ahead, Susan, be PISSED. I would be, too--but then again, I learned first "hand" (those of you that know what I'm talking about will pardon the pun) that anger can be detrimental to your health. Unleash the FUCK YOUs. Then get over it, and get back in the saddle. I suppose you could just come to the conclusion that Mike was as good as it gets for you and simply not go on with life, but come on...
Anyway, I think any possible confrontation between you two kids is simply silly. I would say Jenn will probably elect to not comment any further on this whole thing, but I'd be lying if I didn't say there's a chance she just might respond to your response. I want a clean fight, though, so touch gloves and come out boxing :)
Kate, I was amazed to see what sorts of petitions are out there as well. There's basically a petition to save (or bring to DVD) any show that was ever aired once on TV. That's just the beginning, too. It just goes to show you that there are so many people in the world, there's at least one person interested in anything, no matter how silly it seems... more screen time for Cyclops, indeed... like ANYONE wants THAT. People should get behind real issues such as the development of Fallout 3 or the brutal death of Jar-Jar Binks in Episode III.
hmmm, how to respond to jenn's comment, hmmm...perhaps, FUCK YOU! i sound crazy because a person i deeply care about just blew me off after letting me think we had a chance at some sort of romantic relationship and im upset about that? im sorry, im not just some robot who can cut her feelings off after something shitty happens and not be angry or sad about it. im crazy because i had this gut feeling for the first time ever that told me this was good and he was good and now ill never know and thats upsetting to me? and now i have some stranger sitting here telling me i sound crazy and trying to force me back into that box of 'crazy susan the loser at love why cant you just move the fuck on'?! fuck you! i try to be as honest as possible about my thoughts and feelings however they may change about a certain topic and i get some little fucker sitting there critiquing me and being rude and cruel. "he doesnt want you" is nothing but cruel. that was like mike telling me that he couldnt imagine marrying me. and what have i done to deserve such cruel treatment, what?! ive tried to be as open and honest and forthright with everything. ive tried to be kind and understanding and where has this gotten me?! its gotten me nowhere. clearly these tactics do not work.
so, maybe you are right, jenn, perhaps i am crazy. lets all weigh in on this topic: is susan crazy? does she need to go all 'girl, interrupted' and check herself into an institution? how has susan managed to fuck up her life? what is susan's fatal flaw?
god dammit, i am soooo angry right now...
so, maybe you are right, jenn, perhaps i am crazy. lets all weigh in on this topic: is susan crazy? does she need to go all 'girl, interrupted' and check herself into an institution? how has susan managed to fuck up her life? what is susan's fatal flaw?
god dammit, i am soooo angry right now...
22 April 2004
Yeah, still reading. I've been busy and/or traveling a lot lately. Too much stuff going on. And today I just found out that one of the programs I work with may or may not legally exist. A gutting of certain state laws may have gutted the program, too, purposely or not. I'm really so sorry that you didn't go into law, Susan. You too had the opportunity to be scum of the earth. Oh, wait, no, that's politicians. Lawyers just shovel the shit into neater piles when the legislature is through.
As for Mike, um, basically, you say “fuck you” and move on. You don’t know Mike well enough to be positive that you are perfect for him or that he is perfect for you. That’s the bullshit in your head making up stories about things that can never be. Of course you are the perfect couple – because you aren’t a couple. It’s easy for things to be perfect in the realm of fantasy non-being. It's not fair of him to dismiss your marriage worthiness without even dating you, especially after he says that he is attracted to you physically and emotionally, but that's his call. HIS CHOICE. Whether you agree or not has no bearing on the situation, really.
That being said, yep. Mike’s reasons are mostly groundless, except for the very valid, extremely rational “don’t date people you work with” rule, which is a really really really good one – ESPECIALLY for the two of you who have both taken career detours over past relationships. And it isn’t as easily solved as just not working together. You have valid reasons for staying at your precinct, and I’m sure he does too. Changing that (another, preemptive career detour) may work if domestic bliss is your ultimate goal in life, but as you have other, concurrent aspirations, you need to, as hard as it may be, find balance. If you put all your eggs in one basket, if that basket isn’t perfect, you have no other place to seek happiness.
You’ve given me a good deal of grief over the years about my cold-hearted way of choosing my life, my career, my educational goals, over love or affairs of the heart. It boils down to lessons I learned in my first relationship – you remember, the one where I dumped him and he called me a lesbian?? Anyway, I made life decisions based mostly on a desire to be close to him. I chose my college based on its proximity to his. And the relationship failed. What I didn’t take into account was that I was so young that every life change would be a major change within me. It’s slowing down a little now, but I am still negotiating what is most important to me. The day I accepted this job, which in most part I love, I ended, though not officially, the relationship I was in. It lasted another 7 months, but not very well. There’s that confusing line between working at a relationship and scrambling desperately to keep it alive or intact. Work is necessary, and sometimes hard work is necessary, but how much is too much? I don’t know. I think what I've tried to do is actively NOT create a situation in which I end up resenting someone else because I've made concessions I think are unfair. When I moved out here, I got asked what my s.o. thought of that. No one asked him what I thought when he moved to the East coast! (Well, except his mother). Why should I be the one who has to change my plans, goals, and career, not him? In this case, the agreement we had was that neither one of us would pass up a good job opportunity at this stage (i.e. just out of school) to move where the other one found a job. Resentment would have been created. It was anyway, in the long run, but that's another story.
It’s funny that Mark said it doesn’t take effort to get to know people. I don’t find writing the blog difficult, per se, but it makes me think about things and process them and respond to them, and through that, I produce some nonsensical words that allow you (or whomever is reading) some insight into my head. And same with all your posts. You have to offer, and through the responses, you receive gifts of other peoples thoughts. It's a mutual sharing, of sorts.
Oh, check this out: www.petitionthem.com. It is absolutely AMAZING what people will petition for (like more screen time for Cyclops in X3???)
As for Mike, um, basically, you say “fuck you” and move on. You don’t know Mike well enough to be positive that you are perfect for him or that he is perfect for you. That’s the bullshit in your head making up stories about things that can never be. Of course you are the perfect couple – because you aren’t a couple. It’s easy for things to be perfect in the realm of fantasy non-being. It's not fair of him to dismiss your marriage worthiness without even dating you, especially after he says that he is attracted to you physically and emotionally, but that's his call. HIS CHOICE. Whether you agree or not has no bearing on the situation, really.
That being said, yep. Mike’s reasons are mostly groundless, except for the very valid, extremely rational “don’t date people you work with” rule, which is a really really really good one – ESPECIALLY for the two of you who have both taken career detours over past relationships. And it isn’t as easily solved as just not working together. You have valid reasons for staying at your precinct, and I’m sure he does too. Changing that (another, preemptive career detour) may work if domestic bliss is your ultimate goal in life, but as you have other, concurrent aspirations, you need to, as hard as it may be, find balance. If you put all your eggs in one basket, if that basket isn’t perfect, you have no other place to seek happiness.
You’ve given me a good deal of grief over the years about my cold-hearted way of choosing my life, my career, my educational goals, over love or affairs of the heart. It boils down to lessons I learned in my first relationship – you remember, the one where I dumped him and he called me a lesbian?? Anyway, I made life decisions based mostly on a desire to be close to him. I chose my college based on its proximity to his. And the relationship failed. What I didn’t take into account was that I was so young that every life change would be a major change within me. It’s slowing down a little now, but I am still negotiating what is most important to me. The day I accepted this job, which in most part I love, I ended, though not officially, the relationship I was in. It lasted another 7 months, but not very well. There’s that confusing line between working at a relationship and scrambling desperately to keep it alive or intact. Work is necessary, and sometimes hard work is necessary, but how much is too much? I don’t know. I think what I've tried to do is actively NOT create a situation in which I end up resenting someone else because I've made concessions I think are unfair. When I moved out here, I got asked what my s.o. thought of that. No one asked him what I thought when he moved to the East coast! (Well, except his mother). Why should I be the one who has to change my plans, goals, and career, not him? In this case, the agreement we had was that neither one of us would pass up a good job opportunity at this stage (i.e. just out of school) to move where the other one found a job. Resentment would have been created. It was anyway, in the long run, but that's another story.
It’s funny that Mark said it doesn’t take effort to get to know people. I don’t find writing the blog difficult, per se, but it makes me think about things and process them and respond to them, and through that, I produce some nonsensical words that allow you (or whomever is reading) some insight into my head. And same with all your posts. You have to offer, and through the responses, you receive gifts of other peoples thoughts. It's a mutual sharing, of sorts.
Oh, check this out: www.petitionthem.com. It is absolutely AMAZING what people will petition for (like more screen time for Cyclops in X3???)
you guys still read this?! hello?!
ok, today im not so ok with the mike thing. i feel very insulted and i feel like he is the biggest piece of shit pussy coward i have ever known in my life. hiding behind lame excuses to avoid being with a woman who could actually make him happy is pathetic and the height of cowardess. being worried about working together is a legitimate concern, the only legitimate issue he raised. this could be solved by us merely not working together. the other issues, especially the age thing is bullshit. im sorry but we're in an age where people arent stoned or shunned for dating people younger than you or even dating people of different races or religions. in fact, its almost celebrated now at least in hollywood with such power couples as catherine zeta jones and michael douglas. 100 years ago it was common for an older man to marry a young child-birthing aged woman. there is nothing new here in human history of a 13 year age difference. he has merely hoisted this bullshit flag of alleged concern to hide the fact that hes scared shitless. hes clinging to the titanic as it sinks into the frigid arctic waters. and then the whole im busy with my kids thing is also nonsense. he wasnt too busy when he dated crazy stalker chick. and i doubt he will not date until his kids are gone to college. its an issue which can be easily remedied by making an effort. i understand his kids come first and i have never debated that. but people make time for things that are important to them. he could make time to date me, but alas, hes scared shitless because hes weak and a pussy. i am "truely, truely disppointed" as moz would say.
and of course this means he wasnt the right person for me because the right person would be courageous and wouldnt let bullshit stand in the way of his loving me. i am so disappointed in mike because i expected more from him. he is so courageous at work but such a pussy with his personal life. grow the fuck up mike. you think im young?! look at you, you cant even deal with a woman you love and instead you push her away because of your irrational fears. i know we wouldve been amazing if only he couldve been a man. and of course even if he chnages his mind he will never stand up and say anything about it. he will let it go to avoid rocking the boat. god dammit, i need my boat rocked! thats the only way to live, rocking the boat! i was never expecting such cowardess from mike, never, and i am just floored by it. and of course i feel just completely insulted to the very core. he just about insulted every part of who i am as a person from my ability to seperate personal from work issues to my age and looks to my suitability to be married. what hasnt he insulted?! im clearly a person who would start an argument in the middle of roll call with my lover about our personal life while looking like a 16 year old high school student whom a man wouldnt take home to momma because shes inappropriate marriage material. yeah, when i look in the mirror thats exactly what i see. fuck you! when i look in the mirror i see a woman who has an amazing spirit and an endless heart for those she cares about who would fight to the death over something or someone that means the world to her. i see someone who is courageous and outspoken with an unbreakable will and a fire in her belly which at times may glow softly, but always ends up roaring bright. fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU!!! i deserve better than what you have given...doesnt make it any easier though. i wish i could toss him away without a backward glance, but ive never been like that. whether hes just scared or just a bastard coward i dont know. i do know i love him to death and its hard to ignore that feeling especially when the person is one of your best friends. god dammit, why couldnt he be a total asshole like the rest of them have been? at least then it would be easier to villify him and move on. how do you sever your deep loving connection with your best friend?! how do i come to peace with this whole bullshit situation?!
ok, today im not so ok with the mike thing. i feel very insulted and i feel like he is the biggest piece of shit pussy coward i have ever known in my life. hiding behind lame excuses to avoid being with a woman who could actually make him happy is pathetic and the height of cowardess. being worried about working together is a legitimate concern, the only legitimate issue he raised. this could be solved by us merely not working together. the other issues, especially the age thing is bullshit. im sorry but we're in an age where people arent stoned or shunned for dating people younger than you or even dating people of different races or religions. in fact, its almost celebrated now at least in hollywood with such power couples as catherine zeta jones and michael douglas. 100 years ago it was common for an older man to marry a young child-birthing aged woman. there is nothing new here in human history of a 13 year age difference. he has merely hoisted this bullshit flag of alleged concern to hide the fact that hes scared shitless. hes clinging to the titanic as it sinks into the frigid arctic waters. and then the whole im busy with my kids thing is also nonsense. he wasnt too busy when he dated crazy stalker chick. and i doubt he will not date until his kids are gone to college. its an issue which can be easily remedied by making an effort. i understand his kids come first and i have never debated that. but people make time for things that are important to them. he could make time to date me, but alas, hes scared shitless because hes weak and a pussy. i am "truely, truely disppointed" as moz would say.
and of course this means he wasnt the right person for me because the right person would be courageous and wouldnt let bullshit stand in the way of his loving me. i am so disappointed in mike because i expected more from him. he is so courageous at work but such a pussy with his personal life. grow the fuck up mike. you think im young?! look at you, you cant even deal with a woman you love and instead you push her away because of your irrational fears. i know we wouldve been amazing if only he couldve been a man. and of course even if he chnages his mind he will never stand up and say anything about it. he will let it go to avoid rocking the boat. god dammit, i need my boat rocked! thats the only way to live, rocking the boat! i was never expecting such cowardess from mike, never, and i am just floored by it. and of course i feel just completely insulted to the very core. he just about insulted every part of who i am as a person from my ability to seperate personal from work issues to my age and looks to my suitability to be married. what hasnt he insulted?! im clearly a person who would start an argument in the middle of roll call with my lover about our personal life while looking like a 16 year old high school student whom a man wouldnt take home to momma because shes inappropriate marriage material. yeah, when i look in the mirror thats exactly what i see. fuck you! when i look in the mirror i see a woman who has an amazing spirit and an endless heart for those she cares about who would fight to the death over something or someone that means the world to her. i see someone who is courageous and outspoken with an unbreakable will and a fire in her belly which at times may glow softly, but always ends up roaring bright. fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU!!! i deserve better than what you have given...doesnt make it any easier though. i wish i could toss him away without a backward glance, but ive never been like that. whether hes just scared or just a bastard coward i dont know. i do know i love him to death and its hard to ignore that feeling especially when the person is one of your best friends. god dammit, why couldnt he be a total asshole like the rest of them have been? at least then it would be easier to villify him and move on. how do you sever your deep loving connection with your best friend?! how do i come to peace with this whole bullshit situation?!
20 April 2004
"you looked like a perfect fit for a girl in need of a tourniquet, but can you save me? come on and save me. if you could save me from the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone..."
-Amy Mann, "Save Me"
ok, what everyone wants to hear about...me and mike. well, turns out we're just friends and im about 75% ok with that most of the time now. i always sensed a hesitation and he just never really talked about it...until i forced him to. seems hes ok with his life as is and isnt in the right place to date. also seems that hes worried about issues at work and he doesnt want to lose his job if something crazy happens. he just got smacked not too long ago for something he didnt even do with regards to a woman he was dating and hes just gun shy...i cant blame him really. and finally, hes worried about the age difference. mike isnt like me where i dont give a flying fuck what is said, if i wanna do it i do it. he said that it would be awkward to be holding my hand and kissing me or whatever out someplace and have his teenage son with him and then have people wonder why hes kissing his daughter. seems he also thinks i look 17 and would look more like his child than his girlfriend. at 40 he is of a different generation and while these things wouldnt bother me, they bother him to some extent. i think if he was in the right mental place he wouldnt see these things as huge obstacles. i think its just bad timing. hes such a wild spirit at work its just that he worries about his kids and keeping his job and taking care of them and he isnt prepared right now to risk that...for some reason he sees dating me at work as being risky...which to some extent right now it is. so to quote mike, "i really want to date you, but i just cant." he at least admitted that and admitted that he might even be making a mistake, but thats the only choice he can make right now. so alas, we are best friends only again. in one respect i think this has made us closer now, but it doesnt mean im not incredibly sad about it. i take some consolation in the fact that he does love me and has admitted so and wishes he could choose otherwise but right now just cant. im not as upset about it as i wouldve thought. i think its because i know that when i meet the right person everything will work out and i will get 100% from that person. i dont want to date someone who is hesitant and i dont want to harrass someone into being with me because ultimately it wouldnt work out. and i have to thank mike for finally being honest and upfront and for being understanding of me and my feelings. it took us talking over the phone and not in person for us to have this conversation, but hey whatever works. i know that we would be amazing together and would be very happy, but it just isnt the right time. and of course who knows if the right time will ever come. im not going to sit around and wait and be miserable, but it will be hard for anyone to make me feel like mike did. perhaps he will finally come to his senses enough to take the plunge, one can only hope, but until then we are gonna actively work on our friendship. i explained to him that his friendship is very important to me and that the distance i felt when we didnt talk and do stuff together and get to know each other was hurtful. i told him its important for me to get to know the people i care about in a deep way. he understood what i said and was willing to work on us...when his kids arent sending him all over the place with little league and the like! lol! so, yep, thats how it goes. its nice to be deeply loved by someone despite the other circumstances...
and in other news, i ordered my mini today. i chose electric blue. im happy about it. guy said it should probably be in around late june or early july. happy birthday to kt! lol! i will then be able to see america and drive up to see kt! that will be nice! so i wont have to brave an entire summer without air...thats a plus! and jeff and i talked about the mini a bunch today during workout. he said hed have to drive it when i get it. is that an invitation to an outside of gym friendship relationship? it certainly makes a good opening to ask him out for some type of fun and excitement. ive wanted to transition, i just havent been able to figure out how. jeff is actually really shy turns out so that makes the deal more delicate. i guess we'll see how it goes. i thought i might see if he wanted to road trip somewhere somewhat nearby...gives us an excuse to drive and "test the mini out" and all that jazz, wink wink, and to also go out and spend time together. who knows. whatever.
so thats the dealie yo. my takeout just got here so i should motor. pad thai and hot and sour soup...yum!!!
-Amy Mann, "Save Me"
ok, what everyone wants to hear about...me and mike. well, turns out we're just friends and im about 75% ok with that most of the time now. i always sensed a hesitation and he just never really talked about it...until i forced him to. seems hes ok with his life as is and isnt in the right place to date. also seems that hes worried about issues at work and he doesnt want to lose his job if something crazy happens. he just got smacked not too long ago for something he didnt even do with regards to a woman he was dating and hes just gun shy...i cant blame him really. and finally, hes worried about the age difference. mike isnt like me where i dont give a flying fuck what is said, if i wanna do it i do it. he said that it would be awkward to be holding my hand and kissing me or whatever out someplace and have his teenage son with him and then have people wonder why hes kissing his daughter. seems he also thinks i look 17 and would look more like his child than his girlfriend. at 40 he is of a different generation and while these things wouldnt bother me, they bother him to some extent. i think if he was in the right mental place he wouldnt see these things as huge obstacles. i think its just bad timing. hes such a wild spirit at work its just that he worries about his kids and keeping his job and taking care of them and he isnt prepared right now to risk that...for some reason he sees dating me at work as being risky...which to some extent right now it is. so to quote mike, "i really want to date you, but i just cant." he at least admitted that and admitted that he might even be making a mistake, but thats the only choice he can make right now. so alas, we are best friends only again. in one respect i think this has made us closer now, but it doesnt mean im not incredibly sad about it. i take some consolation in the fact that he does love me and has admitted so and wishes he could choose otherwise but right now just cant. im not as upset about it as i wouldve thought. i think its because i know that when i meet the right person everything will work out and i will get 100% from that person. i dont want to date someone who is hesitant and i dont want to harrass someone into being with me because ultimately it wouldnt work out. and i have to thank mike for finally being honest and upfront and for being understanding of me and my feelings. it took us talking over the phone and not in person for us to have this conversation, but hey whatever works. i know that we would be amazing together and would be very happy, but it just isnt the right time. and of course who knows if the right time will ever come. im not going to sit around and wait and be miserable, but it will be hard for anyone to make me feel like mike did. perhaps he will finally come to his senses enough to take the plunge, one can only hope, but until then we are gonna actively work on our friendship. i explained to him that his friendship is very important to me and that the distance i felt when we didnt talk and do stuff together and get to know each other was hurtful. i told him its important for me to get to know the people i care about in a deep way. he understood what i said and was willing to work on us...when his kids arent sending him all over the place with little league and the like! lol! so, yep, thats how it goes. its nice to be deeply loved by someone despite the other circumstances...
and in other news, i ordered my mini today. i chose electric blue. im happy about it. guy said it should probably be in around late june or early july. happy birthday to kt! lol! i will then be able to see america and drive up to see kt! that will be nice! so i wont have to brave an entire summer without air...thats a plus! and jeff and i talked about the mini a bunch today during workout. he said hed have to drive it when i get it. is that an invitation to an outside of gym friendship relationship? it certainly makes a good opening to ask him out for some type of fun and excitement. ive wanted to transition, i just havent been able to figure out how. jeff is actually really shy turns out so that makes the deal more delicate. i guess we'll see how it goes. i thought i might see if he wanted to road trip somewhere somewhat nearby...gives us an excuse to drive and "test the mini out" and all that jazz, wink wink, and to also go out and spend time together. who knows. whatever.
so thats the dealie yo. my takeout just got here so i should motor. pad thai and hot and sour soup...yum!!!
well, where to start? its gonna be a busy weekend for me. funny how my weekend is in the middle of the week, huh? anyways, i started out this morning trying to get over to the mini dealer to order my fabulous made just for me mini cooper. i looked at the traffic cameras for the interstates and they looked fine...of course when i actually got on the interstate it was gridlocked. those fucking cameras lie!!! anyways, so im gonna go after i workout with jeff to order my mini. it takes from 2 to 4 months or so for it to be built and then shipped over from the uk. im soooooo excited! im as excited as a john at a hooker convention! when i test drove them last week with amy aka "bearclaw" my police academy buddy it was the best time ive had in a while. i tried the regular mini first and was impressed with the acceleration and handling. the controls are very wacky and almost counter-intuitive at times (ex- the lever to change the recline of the seat is on the right of the seat and the hood aka "the bonnet" for you anglophiles release lever is on the right side by the passenger seat.) i finally figured out why that is, because they drive over on that side in england...duh! the whole interior and styling is very unique and frankly refreshing. and the headroom was impressive because youd think youd feel claustrophobic in a car that looks so small but the headroom and spacious feeling is amazing. of course the legroom in the backseat is a joke, but hey, im never gonna be in the backseat so what do i give a fuck for, right?! but then i drove the sport mini. oh hell yeah!!! when you go to change gears and accelerate out of it the fucker just kicks right in and zooms off. the power pulsing through the stick shift was exhilarating! and the cornering and handling on the sport is even better and much tighter. damn, i could so do a heist a la the italian job in one of those! lol! i loooove this fucking car!!!
so i thought i had decided on exactly what i wanted with the color and all but i think ive changed my mind. i was gonna get a chili red mini with the union jack flag on the roof...but yesterday i saw an electric blue one and i think i fell in love. theres something about the red thats not very sparkle or pop-y. the red is a little too dull for me. the electric blue however just explodes with energy. think powder blue with a dash of turquoise but not as tacky as that sounds. go to www.miniusa.com to check them out. so i think im gonna go put in my order for the electric blue one with a white roof and mirrors today. i cant wait!!! and shit, how could the girl who loves blue and pretty much only wears blue buy a RED car?! that would be blasphemy. although i did think the flag idea was cool. ill be happier with the blue one though. yippee!!!
and, i also went out and bought the new subdudes and jump albums. the subdudes are back in their usual form with "miracle mule" their reunion album. i still think i like their previous albums better but we shall see. the songs dont seem quite as catchy or unusual as the last album's were or as magical as their first album, but they are strong subdudes fare. as for jump, im listening to "between the dim and the dark" right now. it seems slightly larger than their previous sound but its still typical jump. theres not enough cello in it for my tastes but then again how many regular people do you know who want MORE cello in their music?! i could use a little more energy as from their first album frankly. i do like the second track 'hold you down' as its very hooky and the melodies are nice. i think that should be their single. frankly although i love jump and will listen to this album more and perhaps my opinion may change, the songs are feeling slightly plodding. jay, the lead singer's, voice is amazing and he is quite a talent but at times in the slower songs, of which there are many, it just sort of drags and lulls you into a overly relaxed state...im looking for excitement in my music right now. the slow songs can be frankly boring at times and also tend to drag together without much making them individual. of course i need to listen to the album more because a new album usually does seem to sound the same upon first listening to it. needless to say, im not very inspired by either album i bought today, but perhaps im just not being fair by commenting on them after only one casual listen. i am of course still very excited about morrissey's new album coming out in a month. the songs ive downloaded from the album are great and very catchy and still very moz. but of course we shall see.
anyways, if i dont motor now im gonna be late for jeff and working out. ive been late a couple of times lately and i feel bad about it. anyways, im gonna go. later!!!
so i thought i had decided on exactly what i wanted with the color and all but i think ive changed my mind. i was gonna get a chili red mini with the union jack flag on the roof...but yesterday i saw an electric blue one and i think i fell in love. theres something about the red thats not very sparkle or pop-y. the red is a little too dull for me. the electric blue however just explodes with energy. think powder blue with a dash of turquoise but not as tacky as that sounds. go to www.miniusa.com to check them out. so i think im gonna go put in my order for the electric blue one with a white roof and mirrors today. i cant wait!!! and shit, how could the girl who loves blue and pretty much only wears blue buy a RED car?! that would be blasphemy. although i did think the flag idea was cool. ill be happier with the blue one though. yippee!!!
and, i also went out and bought the new subdudes and jump albums. the subdudes are back in their usual form with "miracle mule" their reunion album. i still think i like their previous albums better but we shall see. the songs dont seem quite as catchy or unusual as the last album's were or as magical as their first album, but they are strong subdudes fare. as for jump, im listening to "between the dim and the dark" right now. it seems slightly larger than their previous sound but its still typical jump. theres not enough cello in it for my tastes but then again how many regular people do you know who want MORE cello in their music?! i could use a little more energy as from their first album frankly. i do like the second track 'hold you down' as its very hooky and the melodies are nice. i think that should be their single. frankly although i love jump and will listen to this album more and perhaps my opinion may change, the songs are feeling slightly plodding. jay, the lead singer's, voice is amazing and he is quite a talent but at times in the slower songs, of which there are many, it just sort of drags and lulls you into a overly relaxed state...im looking for excitement in my music right now. the slow songs can be frankly boring at times and also tend to drag together without much making them individual. of course i need to listen to the album more because a new album usually does seem to sound the same upon first listening to it. needless to say, im not very inspired by either album i bought today, but perhaps im just not being fair by commenting on them after only one casual listen. i am of course still very excited about morrissey's new album coming out in a month. the songs ive downloaded from the album are great and very catchy and still very moz. but of course we shall see.
anyways, if i dont motor now im gonna be late for jeff and working out. ive been late a couple of times lately and i feel bad about it. anyways, im gonna go. later!!!
19 April 2004
Hmmph. I'm not looking for people to know me totally, that is typically reserved for close friends (see last post) and s.o.'s. All I'm looking for is what you just said...
I try not to turn off when people have interests that aren?t mine. I will even attempt to experience things I?m not interested in for the sake of understanding friends.
I understand I'm in the clear minority in feeling that way (with you that makes two, plus my sisters makes four... anyone else want to buy in on this?), but is it REALLY the case that no one else gets this rather simple concept? Does this just not occur to them? For some reason, I just find that hard to imagine.
For the purposes of this discussion, boyfriends/girlfriends don't count, and neither do close friends. I would certainly hope this wouldn't be an issue in a relationship. I also disagree with you in that it does NOT take that much effort to get to know someone. Time, certainly. Caring, it helps. But we're getting to know each other right now, just by writing and reading thoughts in this blog. For example, I couldn't tell you the first thing about Morrissey, couldn't name a single song if my life depended on it. But I know you and Susan seem to love the guy. I know that Daniel likes to spend a lot of time working in and around his house, and I've never even met him. Working around the house isn't something I'm totally into, but I could certainly stand to pick up tidbits here and there for when I have to do similar work. I don't typically much go for country or the great outdoors, but I had a nice time visiting some old friends who recently moved just outside of Macon... even had to deal with some folks with some old-fashioned thinking, but it was all good. I didn't much care for a cemetary as an idea for a first date, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a good time. I have millions of examples. I guess I just don't see a really good excuse for closed-minded thinking of that sort, and you all know how touchy I am about games and all things geek related.
I still think the greatest compliments I was ever paid was in my high school locker room, when one of my football teammates found out about my GPA (it was 3.8 at the time, probably the highest that team has seen in a long while)... he said he always thought I was a dumb jock like him [and the rest of the team]...
This is not a new concept to me. I have known this for a long time, and typically don't even bother worrying too much about it. I just felt like ranting, though, in absence of another topic.
I try not to turn off when people have interests that aren?t mine. I will even attempt to experience things I?m not interested in for the sake of understanding friends.
I understand I'm in the clear minority in feeling that way (with you that makes two, plus my sisters makes four... anyone else want to buy in on this?), but is it REALLY the case that no one else gets this rather simple concept? Does this just not occur to them? For some reason, I just find that hard to imagine.
For the purposes of this discussion, boyfriends/girlfriends don't count, and neither do close friends. I would certainly hope this wouldn't be an issue in a relationship. I also disagree with you in that it does NOT take that much effort to get to know someone. Time, certainly. Caring, it helps. But we're getting to know each other right now, just by writing and reading thoughts in this blog. For example, I couldn't tell you the first thing about Morrissey, couldn't name a single song if my life depended on it. But I know you and Susan seem to love the guy. I know that Daniel likes to spend a lot of time working in and around his house, and I've never even met him. Working around the house isn't something I'm totally into, but I could certainly stand to pick up tidbits here and there for when I have to do similar work. I don't typically much go for country or the great outdoors, but I had a nice time visiting some old friends who recently moved just outside of Macon... even had to deal with some folks with some old-fashioned thinking, but it was all good. I didn't much care for a cemetary as an idea for a first date, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a good time. I have millions of examples. I guess I just don't see a really good excuse for closed-minded thinking of that sort, and you all know how touchy I am about games and all things geek related.
I still think the greatest compliments I was ever paid was in my high school locker room, when one of my football teammates found out about my GPA (it was 3.8 at the time, probably the highest that team has seen in a long while)... he said he always thought I was a dumb jock like him [and the rest of the team]...
This is not a new concept to me. I have known this for a long time, and typically don't even bother worrying too much about it. I just felt like ranting, though, in absence of another topic.
MP– it’s that inability of the general public to embrace the totality of a person that drives us into our private lives. I don’t know that this is a horrible thing. I know that I personally cannot take the totality of my coworkers and the people I run into downtown. But some of them are friends, and in that venue, I can get to know things about them that are deeper than the surface. I try not to turn off when people have interests that aren’t mine. I will even attempt to experience things I’m not interested in for the sake of understanding friends. I think that we have a tendency to pigeonhole people we don't know well simply in a misguided effort to simplify and understand the world around us. Like with everything else in life, you get more out of relationships if you put more into them. It takes time, effort, and caring to get to know and understand a person. Hey, at least people think you're intelligent, and that's why they question your wrestling fan status. It's making assumptions about wrestling, more than about you.
My current s.o. is into things I will never enjoy – motorcycles, hunting, fishing, and really bad television. In the same respect, he doesn’t enjoy home redesign shows, VH1 countdown lists (even I don’t know why I watch this shit), sci-fi novels, or, really, buildings. But he’s been on architectural tours by me, and I’ve been to a motorcycle show (just once – I think he’ll have to drool alone next time). I like to read books on Soviet history and prisons (the current two, along with Ned Kelly, the Irish-Austrailian outlaw). He is a fanatic about those crazy “I climbed the mountain and it almost killed me, but didn’t” books. But it does mean we have more to talk about.
I used to have a problem with the fact that different people seemed to want or expect different parts of me. In high school, it made me feel divorced from myself. Now I don’t care. I do sometimes alienate people, but it is unintentional, and if you choose not to get to know who I am, that’s your problem. Different traits of my personality become dominant in different situations, but it doesn’t change who I am at the core. And I think I’m finally okay with that more than 80% of the time.
My current s.o. is into things I will never enjoy – motorcycles, hunting, fishing, and really bad television. In the same respect, he doesn’t enjoy home redesign shows, VH1 countdown lists (even I don’t know why I watch this shit), sci-fi novels, or, really, buildings. But he’s been on architectural tours by me, and I’ve been to a motorcycle show (just once – I think he’ll have to drool alone next time). I like to read books on Soviet history and prisons (the current two, along with Ned Kelly, the Irish-Austrailian outlaw). He is a fanatic about those crazy “I climbed the mountain and it almost killed me, but didn’t” books. But it does mean we have more to talk about.
I used to have a problem with the fact that different people seemed to want or expect different parts of me. In high school, it made me feel divorced from myself. Now I don’t care. I do sometimes alienate people, but it is unintentional, and if you choose not to get to know who I am, that’s your problem. Different traits of my personality become dominant in different situations, but it doesn’t change who I am at the core. And I think I’m finally okay with that more than 80% of the time.
I see by the comment that someone appreciates good bad sci-fi... thanks sis :)
So since the blog seems to have dried up a bit, and we can't always rely on Susan's love troubles to keep us going, I'll take the initiative and try to stir up some trouble.
In keeping with my last post about what I did on my Spring Vacation, I got the strangest looks from people when I told them about one thing in particular that I did while away in ATL. There really is no other way to put it, I "geeked out" for the first time in a long time. I watched over 25 episodes of Buck Rogers, a show I used to love when I was a kid. It's even more funny now, looking back at the crazy outfits they made those poor women wear... I especially enjoyed seeing pre-Night Court Markie Post as a space bar floozy and Jamie Lee Curtis as the space villain's jailed ex-girlfriend... and did I mention Buck Rogers could literally kick anyone's arse? That guy has the deadliest feet I've ever seen. Also, no door control is safe when he's around. He nearly averages one shot out door control per episode. You'd think they'd learn. Now, in geeking out, I didn't just stop there. I also played my first Doom II deathmatch in about eight years. Also spend half a night playing multiplayer System Shock 2, and thinking I should have gotten a few friends and played through the whole thing like that.
Now I imagine most people started tuning out at the mere mention of "geeking out", and half of the rest didn't make it past the first mention of Buck Rogers. I have always struggled with not exactly fitting any standard description, and my interests are many and varied. I can play the athlete, I can play the prim and proper, and I can certainly play the geek/gamer. I've spent the last five years of my life doing the standard issue bachelor thing, going out, partying... stuff I've never really done before... and do you know what? I've had a lot of fun. Do I miss the geek life from GT? You bet your arse I do. The older I get, the harder it is to tell which part of my life has been the best so far. Right now, I'd probably say it's the post-GT experience of being my own man and paying my own way and doing what I want to do. But there were good things about being in a serious relationship. There were good things about hanging out in the dorm playing Diablo or playing intramural Ultimate. There were good things about playing rec league soccer here a couple years back. There were good things about being able to devote whole summers to video games. There were good things about traveling everywhere. I could go on for days...
I guess bottom line, it pisses me off that sometimes I feel like I have to hide parts of my personality from people. It's all good until I mention I love video games, or like science fiction... of course, it doesn't stop there, either... sometimes it's things about race, sometimes it's just an intellectual issue ("how can such an intelligent guy like professional wrestling?"). It's truly sad that most people don't get out and experience the many things life has to offer, because there's something cool about 90% of the stuff out there. Thank God Almighty I met Jenn and Lynn so early in my life... I couldn't have asked for better, more open-minded friends to grow up with.
Pinkston out.
So since the blog seems to have dried up a bit, and we can't always rely on Susan's love troubles to keep us going, I'll take the initiative and try to stir up some trouble.
In keeping with my last post about what I did on my Spring Vacation, I got the strangest looks from people when I told them about one thing in particular that I did while away in ATL. There really is no other way to put it, I "geeked out" for the first time in a long time. I watched over 25 episodes of Buck Rogers, a show I used to love when I was a kid. It's even more funny now, looking back at the crazy outfits they made those poor women wear... I especially enjoyed seeing pre-Night Court Markie Post as a space bar floozy and Jamie Lee Curtis as the space villain's jailed ex-girlfriend... and did I mention Buck Rogers could literally kick anyone's arse? That guy has the deadliest feet I've ever seen. Also, no door control is safe when he's around. He nearly averages one shot out door control per episode. You'd think they'd learn. Now, in geeking out, I didn't just stop there. I also played my first Doom II deathmatch in about eight years. Also spend half a night playing multiplayer System Shock 2, and thinking I should have gotten a few friends and played through the whole thing like that.
Now I imagine most people started tuning out at the mere mention of "geeking out", and half of the rest didn't make it past the first mention of Buck Rogers. I have always struggled with not exactly fitting any standard description, and my interests are many and varied. I can play the athlete, I can play the prim and proper, and I can certainly play the geek/gamer. I've spent the last five years of my life doing the standard issue bachelor thing, going out, partying... stuff I've never really done before... and do you know what? I've had a lot of fun. Do I miss the geek life from GT? You bet your arse I do. The older I get, the harder it is to tell which part of my life has been the best so far. Right now, I'd probably say it's the post-GT experience of being my own man and paying my own way and doing what I want to do. But there were good things about being in a serious relationship. There were good things about hanging out in the dorm playing Diablo or playing intramural Ultimate. There were good things about playing rec league soccer here a couple years back. There were good things about being able to devote whole summers to video games. There were good things about traveling everywhere. I could go on for days...
I guess bottom line, it pisses me off that sometimes I feel like I have to hide parts of my personality from people. It's all good until I mention I love video games, or like science fiction... of course, it doesn't stop there, either... sometimes it's things about race, sometimes it's just an intellectual issue ("how can such an intelligent guy like professional wrestling?"). It's truly sad that most people don't get out and experience the many things life has to offer, because there's something cool about 90% of the stuff out there. Thank God Almighty I met Jenn and Lynn so early in my life... I couldn't have asked for better, more open-minded friends to grow up with.
Pinkston out.
15 April 2004
Hmmmm... on one hand, you can't give up on your passion, no matter what. On the other hand, you can't go 125mph in a school zone ALL the time. Balance is the key. As cliche as it is, there is a time and a place for everything. And if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you can second-guess yourself to death, ESPECIALLY when it comes to matters of the heart. One of the most helpful realizations I've come to in life is that you simply can not make someone divulge information if they do not wish to do so, Kate is most definitely right about that. Give it time, and meanwhile, don't work yourself up into a frenzy, because you'll most likely assume something that is totally wrong about the situation and turn something that wasn't a problem before into a problem. With any luck, the issue has already been resolved even as I type this. If not, I *am* still in town for another day... and ready to dispense white hot (err, okay BLACK hot) vengeance if need be...
And now for something completely different... this is what I spent most of my vacation doing (watching, rather)... it has aged quite well over the years, if perhaps the actors have not...
And now for something completely different... this is what I spent most of my vacation doing (watching, rather)... it has aged quite well over the years, if perhaps the actors have not...
Look, your problem is not being passionate and feeling things. Your problem is in being impulsive. Understand several things:
1) Not everyone feels the need to talk out every nuance of emotion. Some people are in fact a little put off by it. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be able to pour out everything to a good friend or your s.o., but it does mean that when near-strangers or people you don’t know that well don’t respond favorably, you shouldn’t overreact. If Mike’s not acting weird with you but hasn’t broached the letter topic, don’t push it. Either he has accepted your outpouring of thoughts and is grokking it, without feeling the need for further discussion, or he is still processing and will bring it up when he gets to it. Try to think of it this way – you were too insecure in the relationship to approach him to talk about it, so why do you expect him to be willing to charge right into the conversation? That’s not fair.
2) People make “rules” and express them to others because they want or need the boundaries. Even if you disagree with the rule, you must respect it because in doing so, you respect the other person and his feelings, desires, and needs. Whether you agree with it or not doesn’t matter. You are free to express your disagreement and arguments against the rule, but don’t harp on it or whine, because it is disrespectful. And in this case, the rule makes sense for both of you and you know it – as evidenced by the bitchy comment. It’s not like the boy don’t have a point or nothing. (Does a triple negative mean “no?”)
3) 98% of people take longer to open up their hearts and minds than you do. If you can’t be patient, and you force the issue, you will usually drive people away. Try to remember back in college. Do you remember how successful you were at getting me to tell you something I wasn’t ready to share yet? Even you keep things back sometimes, until you’ve processed them – like the letter story. You can’t force someone to open up about his or her feelings. Not while maintaining any sort of trust.
4) And in summary: Patience is a virtue. Or to quote – actually, I don’t know who, but I remember the Phil Collins cover: “You can’t hurry love. No, you’ll just have to wait. She said ‘love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.’”
On the plus side, I had my day in court regarding the parking tickets I’d petition the court to waive, which they neglected to do, and then sent the notice to pay or appear in court to the wrong name and address, and then issued a bench warrant to the same incorrect name and address. I watched about 10 boys, aged 18-20, plead guilty to M.I.P. charges – including the last kid who pled guilty, but when asked by the judge if he had alcohol, said no. Then he said he’d been drinking. Whatever. I could tell the judge didn’t know whether to laugh or slap him. Municipal court is extremely boring. But I got my $60 bond back and the tickets waived. Go me. (Whole problem boiled down to multiple clerical errors. Dumbasses.)
Oh, and you can tell Jeff the Shrink that he's right. I end up dating guys pretty much like you, and you end up dating guys pretty much like me. My theory: our personalities balanced out enough to make us a relatively sane single person. So you seen your balance. Asian yin and yang philosophy? Maybe??
1) Not everyone feels the need to talk out every nuance of emotion. Some people are in fact a little put off by it. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be able to pour out everything to a good friend or your s.o., but it does mean that when near-strangers or people you don’t know that well don’t respond favorably, you shouldn’t overreact. If Mike’s not acting weird with you but hasn’t broached the letter topic, don’t push it. Either he has accepted your outpouring of thoughts and is grokking it, without feeling the need for further discussion, or he is still processing and will bring it up when he gets to it. Try to think of it this way – you were too insecure in the relationship to approach him to talk about it, so why do you expect him to be willing to charge right into the conversation? That’s not fair.
2) People make “rules” and express them to others because they want or need the boundaries. Even if you disagree with the rule, you must respect it because in doing so, you respect the other person and his feelings, desires, and needs. Whether you agree with it or not doesn’t matter. You are free to express your disagreement and arguments against the rule, but don’t harp on it or whine, because it is disrespectful. And in this case, the rule makes sense for both of you and you know it – as evidenced by the bitchy comment. It’s not like the boy don’t have a point or nothing. (Does a triple negative mean “no?”)
3) 98% of people take longer to open up their hearts and minds than you do. If you can’t be patient, and you force the issue, you will usually drive people away. Try to remember back in college. Do you remember how successful you were at getting me to tell you something I wasn’t ready to share yet? Even you keep things back sometimes, until you’ve processed them – like the letter story. You can’t force someone to open up about his or her feelings. Not while maintaining any sort of trust.
4) And in summary: Patience is a virtue. Or to quote – actually, I don’t know who, but I remember the Phil Collins cover: “You can’t hurry love. No, you’ll just have to wait. She said ‘love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.’”
On the plus side, I had my day in court regarding the parking tickets I’d petition the court to waive, which they neglected to do, and then sent the notice to pay or appear in court to the wrong name and address, and then issued a bench warrant to the same incorrect name and address. I watched about 10 boys, aged 18-20, plead guilty to M.I.P. charges – including the last kid who pled guilty, but when asked by the judge if he had alcohol, said no. Then he said he’d been drinking. Whatever. I could tell the judge didn’t know whether to laugh or slap him. Municipal court is extremely boring. But I got my $60 bond back and the tickets waived. Go me. (Whole problem boiled down to multiple clerical errors. Dumbasses.)
Oh, and you can tell Jeff the Shrink that he's right. I end up dating guys pretty much like you, and you end up dating guys pretty much like me. My theory: our personalities balanced out enough to make us a relatively sane single person. So you seen your balance. Asian yin and yang philosophy? Maybe??
14 April 2004
ugh, so i made an appointment with jeff my shrink. im sure it will be a yuks fest of goofiness as it usually is. i just need to talk to a "professional" about this whole mike thing. no matter what i cant help but feel shitty and ominous about the whole deal. im not sure a person can feel ominous but you know what i mean. is this just my 80s instant gratification sensibilities that im fighting here or what?! it just seems like things in the heart dept seem to go easier for eveyone else...or perhaps the grass is just greener. is it supposed to be like this, this huge long journey or what?! i hate to deal in cliches, although i always do, but i cant help but think about the whole loves supposed to be easy and if its supposed to happen it will happen shit. i need to go see that spotless mind movie or whatever its called where they erase your bad memories of people. its funny, i wanted to know for sure 100% what the deal was and now that i know, i almost dont want to. i was getting so good about not asking things i didnt really want to know about such as past sexual experiences and stuff, but damn, i had to go and ask. although if i hadnt asked i wouldnt be on this path, but then again, where it is going and is it going anywhere at all? how can a person who loves you keep you hanging with such foolish rules? and sure we can all debate the wisdom or foolishness of his rule all day long. perhaps im just more impulsive than he is, i dont know. im sure thats true. funny, is mike acting sorta kt-like here by acting with thought and reflection and patience?
and i havent talked about somehting that happened this weekend here yet. im not sure why but i havent. anyways, i found out that this bitch at work heard that i had given mike a cb radio for his birthday. she of course being the ghetto ass bitch she is made comments to somebody (i dont even know who) that "she's waiting to make mike the next man shes with." such lovely things from that mouth, huh?! the implication of course being that im a whore and want to work my way through all the men in the dept. this of course coming from a woman who had an affair with one of her direct superiors and got in trouble for it...but i digress. of course when i heard about this i freaked the fuck out. i had had two hours of sleep and my allergies were ravaging my eyes. by the time the day was over i looked like dawn of the dead...it was not good. my eyes have never hurt so much and have never been so cried and rubbed to shreds before. anyways, i talked to a friend of mine at work about it and he suggested i write mike a letter. now i know, the whole letter thing is ify and has been ify in the past, but i knew i couldnt talk to mike directly about it (we're working through that issue slowly...) and i needed a release for my emotions. so i wrote him a letter explaining what i heard and how that made me feel and all of my feelings for him and all of my worries and concerns about the rule and everything else. and frankly, if he cant handle me and my feelings and concerns and thoughts then i dont need to be with him. anyways, i left the letter at his house and i know he got it because i checked back the next day and it wasnt there. that was the day mike wore his hair down. nothing has been said about the letter, it has not been acknowledged or anything, just the hair thing. i assume the hair thing meant it was all ok and that was his way of showing me he cares...i dont even know. and i dont know if the letter will come up or what and i dont know if i should ask about it. he hasnt called me to talk and we cant talk at work and i just dont know. i thought about stopping by his part-time job on friday after my part-time job but i dont wanna seem all clingy and shit. i assume that if he had been all weird about it he wouldnt have been in as good a mood as he was with me on monday. sometimes i just feel like talking about shit is bad...but then i feel like talking about shit is good. it seems like its a fine line and a hard balance between communication and dead horse flogging. im just so paralized with fear of fucking up because it seems like i always fuck up and i dont want that to happen here. im just such a bundle of neuroses it drives me nuts. i just want to calm down and just go i just am not sure how to do that. ive always been one of those do-ers where i take action even where others might not. its hard to not be a do-er here but i feel like i shouldnt be a do-er. im just so restless its driving me crazy. AND I JUST FEEL SO GODDAMN DUMB ABOUT ALL OF IT!!!
i hate being the type of person who gets so into things and i hate feeling so much all the time and i hate being so passionate about everything. i hate feeling so completely and utterly flawed and i hate being so damned weak all the time...
and i havent talked about somehting that happened this weekend here yet. im not sure why but i havent. anyways, i found out that this bitch at work heard that i had given mike a cb radio for his birthday. she of course being the ghetto ass bitch she is made comments to somebody (i dont even know who) that "she's waiting to make mike the next man shes with." such lovely things from that mouth, huh?! the implication of course being that im a whore and want to work my way through all the men in the dept. this of course coming from a woman who had an affair with one of her direct superiors and got in trouble for it...but i digress. of course when i heard about this i freaked the fuck out. i had had two hours of sleep and my allergies were ravaging my eyes. by the time the day was over i looked like dawn of the dead...it was not good. my eyes have never hurt so much and have never been so cried and rubbed to shreds before. anyways, i talked to a friend of mine at work about it and he suggested i write mike a letter. now i know, the whole letter thing is ify and has been ify in the past, but i knew i couldnt talk to mike directly about it (we're working through that issue slowly...) and i needed a release for my emotions. so i wrote him a letter explaining what i heard and how that made me feel and all of my feelings for him and all of my worries and concerns about the rule and everything else. and frankly, if he cant handle me and my feelings and concerns and thoughts then i dont need to be with him. anyways, i left the letter at his house and i know he got it because i checked back the next day and it wasnt there. that was the day mike wore his hair down. nothing has been said about the letter, it has not been acknowledged or anything, just the hair thing. i assume the hair thing meant it was all ok and that was his way of showing me he cares...i dont even know. and i dont know if the letter will come up or what and i dont know if i should ask about it. he hasnt called me to talk and we cant talk at work and i just dont know. i thought about stopping by his part-time job on friday after my part-time job but i dont wanna seem all clingy and shit. i assume that if he had been all weird about it he wouldnt have been in as good a mood as he was with me on monday. sometimes i just feel like talking about shit is bad...but then i feel like talking about shit is good. it seems like its a fine line and a hard balance between communication and dead horse flogging. im just so paralized with fear of fucking up because it seems like i always fuck up and i dont want that to happen here. im just such a bundle of neuroses it drives me nuts. i just want to calm down and just go i just am not sure how to do that. ive always been one of those do-ers where i take action even where others might not. its hard to not be a do-er here but i feel like i shouldnt be a do-er. im just so restless its driving me crazy. AND I JUST FEEL SO GODDAMN DUMB ABOUT ALL OF IT!!!
i hate being the type of person who gets so into things and i hate feeling so much all the time and i hate being so passionate about everything. i hate feeling so completely and utterly flawed and i hate being so damned weak all the time...
13 April 2004
well i suppose you could say we discussed your love life. it was really more discussing the guys and how well we thought you and them fit together. and no, we did not discuss the guys we've both made out with. and that would only be two as far as i can recall...eric the loser and john the sexy lothario. still the best kisser ever!!! we shall see how mike tallies up...if we ever get to kissing...ugh! frustration!!! then again, my fortune cookie today reminded me that the road to happiness is patience. please, someone tell me how to be patient...please!!! theres gotta be a secret to it, i know it! and as for the good gossip, i really didnt think there was any. no crazy revelations were had or long-kept secrets revealed or anything...just dinner and brownies. and no we arent pinkie-swearing. i never did that anyways. i just blather to her like i do most people who stop and listen for long. and she swore to me that she didnt think i was a total idiot loser in love. i guess that was nice to know. it still feels like people think that whenever i talk about the newest guy...as if every guy i pick is a total asshole. listen, any guy who buys me a frosty just because and harasses a guy who was rude to me has to be good, right? plus mike is daaaamn sexy baby yeah! those blue eyes are lethal weapons im tellin ya. but i digress... anyways, yeah, seems your mommy and i see you in very different ways kt. she said she thinks you will change your mind about marriage and kids and i said perhaps but i doubt it. i think youd change your mind more about marriage than kids and i know you will never physically have a child pop out of your cooter ever. of course you know my surrogacy services are always available to you considering i want to experience the hell that is childbirth one of these days and preferably without having to take the kid home. i have also offered my womb to scotty in his ego-maniacal quest for progeny. doubt hed ever take me up on that but hey, thats what friends are for right. like i explained to your mom, id like to get married, but kids are optional. if kids happen then great, if not, ill get a dog. its all good. and i told your mom about my "dream wedding" that being the fully candlelit wedding in the gothic cathedral at midnight with blood red roses and 'ride of the valkyrie' playing as i walk down the aisle. she said that actually sounded very pretty and she admitted it sounded very susan. it sounds pretty? um, ok. its either that or a totally vegas wedding. ive also thought about the barefoot in a mountain full of wildflowers but thats got way too many issues for me. sounds nice and simple but theres bugs and heat and the lack of shoes thing and all...! and id have to wear a sundress or something equally un-susan. perhaps an idea for you kt? theres wildflowers in nd right?! lol! your mother of course espouses marriage and doesnt get the generational difference there. but yeah that was basically it...as far as i can remember.
and as for the hair story, you know how i tell stories...gotta give all the details and all. damn, i cant wait for you to meet him. you will of course laugh about the hair but i do hope you like him and think hes as sexy as i do. not that it matters but id like people to think i choose well for a change. and damn if he doesnt look amazing in his utility uniform...yum!!! but anyways, hopefully we can pull off the kamakaze in may.
well anyways, i guess i should go. i spent today cleaning a little because mark is coming by in like 30 minutes. cant have the place smelling like cat ass now could i?! meeeeoooow! anyways, i need to ready the vcr for gilmore girls. i believe its new this week or one can hope at least. me and mark are going to taco cabana for dinner. neither of us has been in forever and i could use some good enchiladas. as for after, who knows! anyways, i shall catch all later.
and as for the hair story, you know how i tell stories...gotta give all the details and all. damn, i cant wait for you to meet him. you will of course laugh about the hair but i do hope you like him and think hes as sexy as i do. not that it matters but id like people to think i choose well for a change. and damn if he doesnt look amazing in his utility uniform...yum!!! but anyways, hopefully we can pull off the kamakaze in may.
well anyways, i guess i should go. i spent today cleaning a little because mark is coming by in like 30 minutes. cant have the place smelling like cat ass now could i?! meeeeoooow! anyways, i need to ready the vcr for gilmore girls. i believe its new this week or one can hope at least. me and mark are going to taco cabana for dinner. neither of us has been in forever and i could use some good enchiladas. as for after, who knows! anyways, i shall catch all later.
Everyone does go visit my momma. Can't call her "Momma," but it's true. She does pretty much like everyone. Rose-colored glasses are all made in her size.
I hate ATL and have since 1985 when we moved there and I was in the third grade. In general, I found the social culture abhorrent. It taught me many things -- such as how to fake my way through a social situation -- but I wouldn't re-engage without peril to my life, self, and soul. I have friends there, made friends there, and had a generally great time in college. Those are great nostalgia days. But I shan't even attempt to step in that river twice.
Susan, you and my mom basically discussed my entire love life? Why is that totally creeping me out? Did you ever give her the tally of guys we've both made out with? (Yeah, I know, but it isn't like we were really sharing them or anything kinky like that.) Why didn't I get to hear any of the good gossip on the phone? I got the whole hair story (and you could tell it shorter -- you did in the blog!) You and my mom aren't like pinky-swearing secrecy now, are you? Ewww.
We'll see how the big bash goes. I'm not all that worried -- as has been said, my mom likes people, and people generally like her. The S.O. likes to eat and she likes to feed, so they have the potential for a perfect relationship.
As for the music thing, I know that music speaks to the soul and speaks emotions like merely words never can. But the damn Robert Ford/Bjorn bullet ruined the melodic piano of Elton for me for YEARS. There is always such a thing as beating a dead horse (or beating melodramatic, melancholy lyrics into the poor unsuspecting and innocent ears of your roommate -- who has to live with the music AND the melodrama!)
Mark, I had forgotten the wine tasting. It was a damn good thing I wasn't driving that day!
I hate ATL and have since 1985 when we moved there and I was in the third grade. In general, I found the social culture abhorrent. It taught me many things -- such as how to fake my way through a social situation -- but I wouldn't re-engage without peril to my life, self, and soul. I have friends there, made friends there, and had a generally great time in college. Those are great nostalgia days. But I shan't even attempt to step in that river twice.
Susan, you and my mom basically discussed my entire love life? Why is that totally creeping me out? Did you ever give her the tally of guys we've both made out with? (Yeah, I know, but it isn't like we were really sharing them or anything kinky like that.) Why didn't I get to hear any of the good gossip on the phone? I got the whole hair story (and you could tell it shorter -- you did in the blog!) You and my mom aren't like pinky-swearing secrecy now, are you? Ewww.
We'll see how the big bash goes. I'm not all that worried -- as has been said, my mom likes people, and people generally like her. The S.O. likes to eat and she likes to feed, so they have the potential for a perfect relationship.
As for the music thing, I know that music speaks to the soul and speaks emotions like merely words never can. But the damn Robert Ford/Bjorn bullet ruined the melodic piano of Elton for me for YEARS. There is always such a thing as beating a dead horse (or beating melodramatic, melancholy lyrics into the poor unsuspecting and innocent ears of your roommate -- who has to live with the music AND the melodrama!)
Mark, I had forgotten the wine tasting. It was a damn good thing I wasn't driving that day!
12 April 2004
Naw, Kate--I was just messin'... figured it be funny to make it sound like everyone and their brother was going to visit your mama without you there :)
What's so bad about the A to the T to the L? I had a great time here... in fact, it was very difficult to leave... took the sunny, warm, loving embrace of my Central Florida roots to pull me away when the time came... I may still end up back here eventually. It definitely has better food than Tampa (which ain't saying much), more stuff to do, pretty much more everything, minus the beach (big minus, tho).
I can never get used to calling adults (people that were adults when I was a kid) by their first name, I don't care how old I get. If you were a Mr. or Mrs. Whatever to me, that's the only way I can address you, or not at all.
Why, yes, I have met Kate's mom... the three of us had a lovely time wine-tasting and scoping out PCH property in Oregon... that was my first time seeing the Pacific Ocean... okay, fine, it's a big body of water just like the Atlantic and Gulf... but it was still cool to come over a sand dune and see it for the first time...
Alright, Susan... let's have Mushy Factor Nine... engage... when I see you, I pretty much expect you to either have stars in your eyes or have them heart-shaped, with little hearts floating up from your head... I'll do all my eye-rolling and vomiting now, in preparation... Kate, if I don't come back, say goodbye to my TV and game consoles for me... :)
What's so bad about the A to the T to the L? I had a great time here... in fact, it was very difficult to leave... took the sunny, warm, loving embrace of my Central Florida roots to pull me away when the time came... I may still end up back here eventually. It definitely has better food than Tampa (which ain't saying much), more stuff to do, pretty much more everything, minus the beach (big minus, tho).
I can never get used to calling adults (people that were adults when I was a kid) by their first name, I don't care how old I get. If you were a Mr. or Mrs. Whatever to me, that's the only way I can address you, or not at all.
Why, yes, I have met Kate's mom... the three of us had a lovely time wine-tasting and scoping out PCH property in Oregon... that was my first time seeing the Pacific Ocean... okay, fine, it's a big body of water just like the Atlantic and Gulf... but it was still cool to come over a sand dune and see it for the first time...
Alright, Susan... let's have Mushy Factor Nine... engage... when I see you, I pretty much expect you to either have stars in your eyes or have them heart-shaped, with little hearts floating up from your head... I'll do all my eye-rolling and vomiting now, in preparation... Kate, if I don't come back, say goodbye to my TV and game consoles for me... :)
(this post brought to you by olivia newton john's 'make a move on me'... "why dont you spare me all the charms and take me in your arms, i cant wait, i cant wait. im the one you want, thats all i wanna be, so come on baby make a move on me...")
nope, i do not have an ironclad contract and yes i know i should. but i shall remain in sole control of the website and all its materials until payment has been rendered in full. i know, i know...
as for kts momma, i of course ate well and got take-home brownies...yum! jane and i of course discussed kt and her man and i would bait her with questions and things to see what she would say. jane insisted that age wasnt that big of a deal and that she just wants kt to be happy. we discussed kts past boyfriends as well. romin is getting remarried btw. jane is also planning on inviting brandon's mom out this summer since she had such a nice time in cheeseland last time she visited. im sorry but i find it slightly bizarre to be friends with a daughter's ex AND his mommie! but then again jane seems to like just about everyone...and feeds them too. we even talked about you mark. i didnt know you and jane had met. she said you were a nice guy and attractive. hmmm, what else? i mean there wasnt anything earth shattering just the usual i want her to be happy garbage. and i also didnt know jane spoke with greggers over xmas...very interesting! anyways, i shall be able to report more on this come may when i finally get to meet the dude and i can see how jane's reacted to him. im sorry but it just feels wrong saying 'jane'...!
as for the carpenters...come on now, that piano riff is a classic!!! and ive always connected my feelings with songs and their lyrics. dont forget the "bullet in the gun of robert ford" days now kt!!!
but speaking of mike...im sure that phrase will get old...if it hasnt already...i went and visted him after my part-time job on saturday at his part-time job. we talked about work and the like and somehow got onto talking about hair. oh, thats right, i asked him if he liked my hair up or down (i wear it up on the sides at work now). he said he preferred it down and then i said i had a "hair secret" about him. yes, i said hair secret. i told him that the cutest i ever thought he looked was one day when we were in the rain and his hair was down on his forehead and all pointy (very GQ!!!). usually the hair at the front is sticking straight up all goofy like. well, today, the day i share working with mike, i wore my hair down (of course!!!) and he wore his hair down on his forehead. oh, it was cute and sweet! lol! i know, eyes are rolling and people are vomiting. well, fuck off! it was sweet as shit. it at least shows me he paid attention! gotta give props for that yo. ugh, im all gooey! aaaahhhhh.....
nope, i do not have an ironclad contract and yes i know i should. but i shall remain in sole control of the website and all its materials until payment has been rendered in full. i know, i know...
as for kts momma, i of course ate well and got take-home brownies...yum! jane and i of course discussed kt and her man and i would bait her with questions and things to see what she would say. jane insisted that age wasnt that big of a deal and that she just wants kt to be happy. we discussed kts past boyfriends as well. romin is getting remarried btw. jane is also planning on inviting brandon's mom out this summer since she had such a nice time in cheeseland last time she visited. im sorry but i find it slightly bizarre to be friends with a daughter's ex AND his mommie! but then again jane seems to like just about everyone...and feeds them too. we even talked about you mark. i didnt know you and jane had met. she said you were a nice guy and attractive. hmmm, what else? i mean there wasnt anything earth shattering just the usual i want her to be happy garbage. and i also didnt know jane spoke with greggers over xmas...very interesting! anyways, i shall be able to report more on this come may when i finally get to meet the dude and i can see how jane's reacted to him. im sorry but it just feels wrong saying 'jane'...!
as for the carpenters...come on now, that piano riff is a classic!!! and ive always connected my feelings with songs and their lyrics. dont forget the "bullet in the gun of robert ford" days now kt!!!
but speaking of mike...im sure that phrase will get old...if it hasnt already...i went and visted him after my part-time job on saturday at his part-time job. we talked about work and the like and somehow got onto talking about hair. oh, thats right, i asked him if he liked my hair up or down (i wear it up on the sides at work now). he said he preferred it down and then i said i had a "hair secret" about him. yes, i said hair secret. i told him that the cutest i ever thought he looked was one day when we were in the rain and his hair was down on his forehead and all pointy (very GQ!!!). usually the hair at the front is sticking straight up all goofy like. well, today, the day i share working with mike, i wore my hair down (of course!!!) and he wore his hair down on his forehead. oh, it was cute and sweet! lol! i know, eyes are rolling and people are vomiting. well, fuck off! it was sweet as shit. it at least shows me he paid attention! gotta give props for that yo. ugh, im all gooey! aaaahhhhh.....
As Susan knows, my mom loves having people to feed. She'd take you in for a meal. Of course, you would have to promise not to inflict the Spice Girls on her. Susan used to do that to me. Evil comes in many forms.
Why don't you just ask me? I do know him better than Susan -- biblically, even. Speaking of which, go check out www.jesus21.com. I haven't seen the whole site -- only a few pages sent by a friend, but I was promised nude bible camp somewhere on there.
Enjoy the city bereft of any reality. Gods above and below, I do NOT miss Atlanta!
Why don't you just ask me? I do know him better than Susan -- biblically, even. Speaking of which, go check out www.jesus21.com. I haven't seen the whole site -- only a few pages sent by a friend, but I was promised nude bible camp somewhere on there.
Enjoy the city bereft of any reality. Gods above and below, I do NOT miss Atlanta!
Welcome to Atlanta, where the players play... this week blog entries from yours truly (assuming I do more than this one) will come to you from the ATL. I spent the drive up playing old tunes from my GT years... you know, frightening stuff like the Spice Girls and White Towne... man, I listened to some gay stuff back then... anyway, figured I might as well visit Kate's mom and get the skinny on her boyfriend... no, wait--that's Susan... I guess I'll visit Susan and get the scoop from her :) Anyhoo, let the real vacation begin...
You do have some sort of ironclad contract that this guy will pay you something, right? I mean, if he doesn't like what you do, and you've spent hours on it, aren't you out money and time, instead of rolling in the free dough? Sorry to be the downer voice on that job, but you've told me more about this dude on the phone than the blog records, and he's either a redneck (with all the derrogatory comments that implies) or just a jerk. I don't trust him. But then, in that respect, Duchovny's character on X-Files and I would get along. "Trust no one!" I really did hate that show.
Fiction is always smoother than real life. We don't have script writers or personal assistants (well, most of us don't have the latter). Is it just wrong to quote the Carpenters? Ever? Well, it's better than Air Supply, I guess.
Yeah, I'm just going to sign off now. I'm still interested in my mom's relationship with Susan, but there's nothing on that here. I am cranky this morning. I have more things on my desk than I can possibly get done, so I'm blogging instead. That, and the phone won't freaking stop ringing. It's crackpot day, apparently.
Fiction is always smoother than real life. We don't have script writers or personal assistants (well, most of us don't have the latter). Is it just wrong to quote the Carpenters? Ever? Well, it's better than Air Supply, I guess.
Yeah, I'm just going to sign off now. I'm still interested in my mom's relationship with Susan, but there's nothing on that here. I am cranky this morning. I have more things on my desk than I can possibly get done, so I'm blogging instead. That, and the phone won't freaking stop ringing. It's crackpot day, apparently.
08 April 2004
eh, love may be in the air, but id like to think my feet are planted fairly firmly on the ground. no need to count the chickens before they hatch. mike and i arent dating and until that happens and i feel his soft warm lips on mine, then i aint gonna believe it completely. (no daniel, i do not want to "pork" him, ok?! at least not yet!) always the pessimist coming out but i think its a safe way to approach things. lol, like syd and vaughn on alias...as if! my life couldnt be that exciting and romantic now could it! plus drawing parallels to fictional stories doesnt do much anyways. i think whats gonna happen is we're both gonna ignore it (again) and just continue on our way. however, i wont be getting as bitchy about certain things anymore because now i finally under-fucking-stand whats going on!!! ok, fine, we dont have to eat together and hang out when you have a rookie with you...i get it, we cant blow our cover! and yes, you can be cold to me around people at work...i get it, we cant blow our cover! its something called discretion...hey, im learning it slowly...scheesch!!! but damn i want to push him against the wall and just go jungle crazy on his ass! (no danny, thats NOT the same as "porking" him!) hey, you think i could use scotty as my beard?! lol! a little misdirection never hurt anybody! a little smokescreen action yeah!
but i went to my meeting with the webpage guy and he said hed be willing to pay my price if what i do is good. i talked to jeff afterwards and told him i was somewhat insulted by that comment...as if id do anything shitty! also turns out he and jeff want me to do another project for both of them to publicise their personal training. id do the website for jeff for free cause i love him that much but they also want like fliers and brochures and stuff. very cool. this may parlay itself into something. so im gonna get the webpage stuff from the guy on monday i think and get started. but i also talked to jeff about mike. he just kinda sat there with this look on his face. i couldnt tell what it was. it was sorta bemused but also something else. im gonna ask him tomorrow about it. he just kept saying that it seemed like things were "falling into place" for me. do you think he was disappointed? im sure im just fantisizing. it was probably nothing. plus, hes my personal trainer and other than touching me all the time and sticking his jock in my face (hehehe!) he hasnt made any moves, the fool. oh well. ill get the scoop tommorrow.
anyways, im off to mama mary jane's house for dinner. i will keep all up to date on her opinions on kt's boyfriend and life...lol! im sure it will be interesting! heh heh heh! and im sure she'll tell me the usual, susan, friends before sex thing like she usually does. ugh! anyways, im out. later bitches!
btw, mikey likes me!!! i still cant believe it!!! pinch me dammit!!! lol!
but i went to my meeting with the webpage guy and he said hed be willing to pay my price if what i do is good. i talked to jeff afterwards and told him i was somewhat insulted by that comment...as if id do anything shitty! also turns out he and jeff want me to do another project for both of them to publicise their personal training. id do the website for jeff for free cause i love him that much but they also want like fliers and brochures and stuff. very cool. this may parlay itself into something. so im gonna get the webpage stuff from the guy on monday i think and get started. but i also talked to jeff about mike. he just kinda sat there with this look on his face. i couldnt tell what it was. it was sorta bemused but also something else. im gonna ask him tomorrow about it. he just kept saying that it seemed like things were "falling into place" for me. do you think he was disappointed? im sure im just fantisizing. it was probably nothing. plus, hes my personal trainer and other than touching me all the time and sticking his jock in my face (hehehe!) he hasnt made any moves, the fool. oh well. ill get the scoop tommorrow.
anyways, im off to mama mary jane's house for dinner. i will keep all up to date on her opinions on kt's boyfriend and life...lol! im sure it will be interesting! heh heh heh! and im sure she'll tell me the usual, susan, friends before sex thing like she usually does. ugh! anyways, im out. later bitches!
btw, mikey likes me!!! i still cant believe it!!! pinch me dammit!!! lol!
Ah, love is in the air... must be spring again... way to go, Susan! Gotta reach out and grab what you want sometimes...
07 April 2004
(this post brought to you by The Carpenters' "Close to You"- why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? just like me, they long to be close to you. why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by? just like me they long to be close to you. on the day that you were born, the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. so they sprinkled moon dust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes so blue...)
oh yes, mike and i had "the conversation." it was a loooong time in coming. ive been thinking for the last 4 months that he had no interest in me whatsoever...it was rough, man. so he called me back tonight as i had called earlier this morning but missed him. we spoke last night but never got around to "the conversation" as he had arrived at his mom's house to put up a fan for her. mike apparently only calls people when hes in the car, go fig! lol! i did tell him that i hadnt gotten around to talking to him about something i thought we needed to talk about. so he told me to call today. anyways, he called and we talked about work and stuff and finally got around to "the conversation." i asked him about "the january thing" and he said he thought i thought our outing was a date. i told him i thought he thought that but i wasnt thinking it was a date. he said he didnt want me to get the impression it was a date hence the "i think i gave you the wrong impression" comment he is now infamous for. so after clearing that up he went on to reiterate that his rule is not dating people you work with. he says it leads to gossip and can lead to situations where a guy may be chivalrous and stand up for the woman he's dating and thus cause issues within the precinct. true enough...and i agree with his wise choice of rules for himself. funny enough though, mike's already pulled the chivalry thing with me before. there was a wrecker driver who wouldnt talk to me after i asked him what was going on. instead the guy walked over to mike, the guy cop, and spoke with him. mike then proceeded to inspect that guy's wrecker truck and ticket him for all the violations. i teased him about how he couldnt let a vehicle inspection go by and he replied, "well, that guy was rude to you wasnt he? i figured he could use an inspection..." and recently mike also offered to "speak with" another officer who hasnt been backing me up on dangerous calls. i of course told mike i would handle it. its cute though...he just cant help it.
so, anyways, to the good part. so i told him i knew his policy about dating poeple you work with and said i agreed. i then asked him if he wasnt interested in me like that or if he was interested in me like that but just wouldnt date me becuase we worked together. he said, "of course theres interest there. i love you to death and i miss you not being around, i just cant date people i work with." i then asked him if he would bend his rule if we didnt work in the same precinct. he replied, "oh, like if i moved to the parks unit?" hes putting in to move to another unit away from our precinct. i said yes and he said we could date and that we'd discuss it if it happened. so basically the conversation ended with us agreeing to play it by ear and see what happens. YES!!! and to think i was thinking for the last 4 months that he thought i was a hideous ghoul and wasnt interested in me. silly girl. turns out my instincts were right after all. i told him that i thought i was crazy because i was sure he liked me and then he said something that made me think he didnt. its nice to regain my sanity again! lol! i also asked him along the way if he was cool to me around other people sometimes because he didnt want people to know about us and he basically said yes, that he didnt want rumors to start. see, i thought so.
so, MIKE DOES LIKE ME!!! yippee!!! i am soooo hoping he gets the parks position. i dont think he will but still. and hopefully i will be going to detectives in the next few months so. looks like we're just waiting. good things come to those who wait, right?! man, i sooo knew he liked me. a girl knows these things you know. and hes got this amazing way of defusing me by just saying something goofy and making me laugh. and he calls me out when im being a bitch. dude, hes so the dude. hes just as fiery as i am. and damn, those blue eyes nail me to the wall every time i look at them. ugh! wow, the fires of hope are still alive despite my best efforts to say they arent. ah, ill be walking on cloud nine for a while. its nice to be happy! who knew?!
and yes, i did write letters to save a tv show...space: above and beyond. it really was an excellent show and one of the best sci fi shows ever made. i have all the episodes including the pilot if anyone ever wants to see it. you really should check it out. and yeah, im so pissed about wonderfalls. i went and signed the petition too. it was such a bright shining part of my tv week. im so sad about it. rip wonderfalls.
well, i have my first client meeting with this guy about doing his dog kennel website tomorrow. im only gonna make around $300 or $350 for it, but thats more than i have now, so i cant complain too too much. its practically free money really. hopefully things go ok tommorrow. im not sure what to do though. i guess ask him what he wants and stuff? and jeff, my metrosexual trainer, said this morning that hed see me tomorrow when i stop by for the meeting with this guy. i bet hes curious about what i look like out of workout clothes and not wearing my signature hat. i always wear my hat to workout so he really hadnt seen much of me before. should be interesting. i hope hes happily surprised.
oh and btw, MIKE LIKES ME!!!
oh yes, mike and i had "the conversation." it was a loooong time in coming. ive been thinking for the last 4 months that he had no interest in me whatsoever...it was rough, man. so he called me back tonight as i had called earlier this morning but missed him. we spoke last night but never got around to "the conversation" as he had arrived at his mom's house to put up a fan for her. mike apparently only calls people when hes in the car, go fig! lol! i did tell him that i hadnt gotten around to talking to him about something i thought we needed to talk about. so he told me to call today. anyways, he called and we talked about work and stuff and finally got around to "the conversation." i asked him about "the january thing" and he said he thought i thought our outing was a date. i told him i thought he thought that but i wasnt thinking it was a date. he said he didnt want me to get the impression it was a date hence the "i think i gave you the wrong impression" comment he is now infamous for. so after clearing that up he went on to reiterate that his rule is not dating people you work with. he says it leads to gossip and can lead to situations where a guy may be chivalrous and stand up for the woman he's dating and thus cause issues within the precinct. true enough...and i agree with his wise choice of rules for himself. funny enough though, mike's already pulled the chivalry thing with me before. there was a wrecker driver who wouldnt talk to me after i asked him what was going on. instead the guy walked over to mike, the guy cop, and spoke with him. mike then proceeded to inspect that guy's wrecker truck and ticket him for all the violations. i teased him about how he couldnt let a vehicle inspection go by and he replied, "well, that guy was rude to you wasnt he? i figured he could use an inspection..." and recently mike also offered to "speak with" another officer who hasnt been backing me up on dangerous calls. i of course told mike i would handle it. its cute though...he just cant help it.
so, anyways, to the good part. so i told him i knew his policy about dating poeple you work with and said i agreed. i then asked him if he wasnt interested in me like that or if he was interested in me like that but just wouldnt date me becuase we worked together. he said, "of course theres interest there. i love you to death and i miss you not being around, i just cant date people i work with." i then asked him if he would bend his rule if we didnt work in the same precinct. he replied, "oh, like if i moved to the parks unit?" hes putting in to move to another unit away from our precinct. i said yes and he said we could date and that we'd discuss it if it happened. so basically the conversation ended with us agreeing to play it by ear and see what happens. YES!!! and to think i was thinking for the last 4 months that he thought i was a hideous ghoul and wasnt interested in me. silly girl. turns out my instincts were right after all. i told him that i thought i was crazy because i was sure he liked me and then he said something that made me think he didnt. its nice to regain my sanity again! lol! i also asked him along the way if he was cool to me around other people sometimes because he didnt want people to know about us and he basically said yes, that he didnt want rumors to start. see, i thought so.
so, MIKE DOES LIKE ME!!! yippee!!! i am soooo hoping he gets the parks position. i dont think he will but still. and hopefully i will be going to detectives in the next few months so. looks like we're just waiting. good things come to those who wait, right?! man, i sooo knew he liked me. a girl knows these things you know. and hes got this amazing way of defusing me by just saying something goofy and making me laugh. and he calls me out when im being a bitch. dude, hes so the dude. hes just as fiery as i am. and damn, those blue eyes nail me to the wall every time i look at them. ugh! wow, the fires of hope are still alive despite my best efforts to say they arent. ah, ill be walking on cloud nine for a while. its nice to be happy! who knew?!
and yes, i did write letters to save a tv show...space: above and beyond. it really was an excellent show and one of the best sci fi shows ever made. i have all the episodes including the pilot if anyone ever wants to see it. you really should check it out. and yeah, im so pissed about wonderfalls. i went and signed the petition too. it was such a bright shining part of my tv week. im so sad about it. rip wonderfalls.
well, i have my first client meeting with this guy about doing his dog kennel website tomorrow. im only gonna make around $300 or $350 for it, but thats more than i have now, so i cant complain too too much. its practically free money really. hopefully things go ok tommorrow. im not sure what to do though. i guess ask him what he wants and stuff? and jeff, my metrosexual trainer, said this morning that hed see me tomorrow when i stop by for the meeting with this guy. i bet hes curious about what i look like out of workout clothes and not wearing my signature hat. i always wear my hat to workout so he really hadnt seen much of me before. should be interesting. i hope hes happily surprised.
oh and btw, MIKE LIKES ME!!!
Yeah, the power of the viewer. Yeah right! I'll let susan detail you her losing battles. I forget what show -- maybe more than one?
I saw Firefly once, but wasn't overly impressed. Maybe it had potential, but how were we to find out? Kind of like Wonderfalls. It could have sucked in a few months, but we'll never know. It also could have rocked. Maybe someone other than Fox will pick it up? I remember hearing about Lucky. What's-his-face was committed to it and couldn't sign on for the short-lived My Big Fat Greek Family (never saw it). His fate would have been the same either way.
Power to the people. Oh, wait. I'm off to a public meeting to voice my opinion on a project wherein all the decisions have already been made. Oh, wait again. All public meetings are that way. To a degree, I understand why. Committee work sucks. But so does a large project that my federal, state, and local tax dollars are funding that shouldn't need to be happening and that will totally suck when it's done. And I used to like bridges.
I saw Firefly once, but wasn't overly impressed. Maybe it had potential, but how were we to find out? Kind of like Wonderfalls. It could have sucked in a few months, but we'll never know. It also could have rocked. Maybe someone other than Fox will pick it up? I remember hearing about Lucky. What's-his-face was committed to it and couldn't sign on for the short-lived My Big Fat Greek Family (never saw it). His fate would have been the same either way.
Power to the people. Oh, wait. I'm off to a public meeting to voice my opinion on a project wherein all the decisions have already been made. Oh, wait again. All public meetings are that way. To a degree, I understand why. Committee work sucks. But so does a large project that my federal, state, and local tax dollars are funding that shouldn't need to be happening and that will totally suck when it's done. And I used to like bridges.
Firefly was Joss Whedon's short lived sci-fi western series after he got through with Buffy. I was just beginning to like it when they dropped it after one season.
Lucky is a similar story... originally created to fill the void left by The Shield on FX, it was a really funny comedy about a card player and his compulsive gambler girlfriend.
But hey, you aren't exactly powerless against this sort of thing. Like I mentioned before, Family Guy has risen from the grave thanks to immense interest. Wonderfalls probably has a much steeper uphill battle, but you can do your part here.
So I have the be the voice of mankind for another month? The PRESSURE! I'll hold out as long as I can, Daniel, but there are two of them... then again, I guess you were on your own until I got here, so now it's my turn...
Lucky is a similar story... originally created to fill the void left by The Shield on FX, it was a really funny comedy about a card player and his compulsive gambler girlfriend.
But hey, you aren't exactly powerless against this sort of thing. Like I mentioned before, Family Guy has risen from the grave thanks to immense interest. Wonderfalls probably has a much steeper uphill battle, but you can do your part here.
So I have the be the voice of mankind for another month? The PRESSURE! I'll hold out as long as I can, Daniel, but there are two of them... then again, I guess you were on your own until I got here, so now it's my turn...
Who were Firefly and Lucky?
What did I say just last week about Wonderfalls??
Daniel – next month? Ouch! Don’t you love us anymore?
Um, I do think the ultrasound techs are supposed to clean you up. Glad you got to enjoy it.
I don't work in corporate America. I'm a g-woman, an underpaid, overworked bureaucrat. Go me.
As for the car, maybe susan can corroborate how much I hate the godforsaken technologies that create them and the socio-cultural milleu that keeps us tied to them. I have owned Gertie for 3 years, and she is the only vehicle I’ve ever owned. I didn’t have a car in high school, or college, or most of graduate school. I am a HUGE proponent of public transportation as both a socially responsible idea and an environmentally and economically sound policy. And I’m still promised that our bus system should be up and partially running this spring. Woo-hoo! Atlanta’s public transport sucks, but I used it relatively regularly. When I lived in Eugene, we walked or rode the bus almost everywhere (well,everywherefor the first few years I lived there.) So basically, I’m not a car person and keep hoping that massive revolution will make them obsolete. I know this isn’t going to happen, but it’s the utopia in my head.
As for blaming the workforce in general, there is a degree of truth as I see it in there, but mostly it was venting. Unfortunately, I see a lack of respect for people who do what we now consider manual labor in the culture as a whole. I also see a lack of pride and responsibility in workers in general – drawing mainly on experiences with co-workers. Where I work now, there are some people who are very dedicated to what they do and doing it well. But no one works in history-related professions for the money, prestige, or sex, either. And there are others sitting it out, waiting for retirement. Those people make everyone else’s job more complicated, including mine. And I resent it. Part of this may be because I’ve been doing 1.5 jobs since December, and I HATE the other one. Long story, but it boils down to lack of committment and lack of competance on someone else’s part, as well as a screwed up lack of a merit system. Anyway, I love working with and talking to people who love or even like what they do. I wish there were more jobs like that. If people could be happy doing what they do for a living, 40 hours a week, wouldn’t we be happier as a society? The rest of that ranting was just that – ranting. I cannot tell you how much it freaked me out to have the back part of the window pop out of the track while I was doing 84mph on the highway!
As for things outside of automobiles, I think your concern, based on my posts, is valid. I think I have a good give-and-take relationship right now. It hasn’t always been that way. I think in general what I find frustrating is listening to friends (and seeing in tv or movies – I know this isn’t real, but it is sometimes symptomatic) and hearing an unwillingness to talk to whomever they are sleeping with about what they’re doing. I know it takes some time, but I also know there are things that he can tell me about what he likes, and things Ican tell him, that it would take a long time to figure out otherwise. And sometimes, you’re right, you just want to lay back and let the other person do all the work. But I think that applies to men, too, doesn’t it? If you let your s.o. explore, and give a thumbs up or down about what he or she discovers about your body, that lets both of you potentially learn something new, right? Anyway, I appreciate your comments, and will probably spend some time trying to see if there is truth in them in my personal life. Although I do like learning new things, especially about sex (you really should see my book collection!) I sometimes get lazy. Hmm.
What did I say just last week about Wonderfalls??
Daniel – next month? Ouch! Don’t you love us anymore?
Um, I do think the ultrasound techs are supposed to clean you up. Glad you got to enjoy it.
I don't work in corporate America. I'm a g-woman, an underpaid, overworked bureaucrat. Go me.
As for the car, maybe susan can corroborate how much I hate the godforsaken technologies that create them and the socio-cultural milleu that keeps us tied to them. I have owned Gertie for 3 years, and she is the only vehicle I’ve ever owned. I didn’t have a car in high school, or college, or most of graduate school. I am a HUGE proponent of public transportation as both a socially responsible idea and an environmentally and economically sound policy. And I’m still promised that our bus system should be up and partially running this spring. Woo-hoo! Atlanta’s public transport sucks, but I used it relatively regularly. When I lived in Eugene, we walked or rode the bus almost everywhere (well,everywherefor the first few years I lived there.) So basically, I’m not a car person and keep hoping that massive revolution will make them obsolete. I know this isn’t going to happen, but it’s the utopia in my head.
As for blaming the workforce in general, there is a degree of truth as I see it in there, but mostly it was venting. Unfortunately, I see a lack of respect for people who do what we now consider manual labor in the culture as a whole. I also see a lack of pride and responsibility in workers in general – drawing mainly on experiences with co-workers. Where I work now, there are some people who are very dedicated to what they do and doing it well. But no one works in history-related professions for the money, prestige, or sex, either. And there are others sitting it out, waiting for retirement. Those people make everyone else’s job more complicated, including mine. And I resent it. Part of this may be because I’ve been doing 1.5 jobs since December, and I HATE the other one. Long story, but it boils down to lack of committment and lack of competance on someone else’s part, as well as a screwed up lack of a merit system. Anyway, I love working with and talking to people who love or even like what they do. I wish there were more jobs like that. If people could be happy doing what they do for a living, 40 hours a week, wouldn’t we be happier as a society? The rest of that ranting was just that – ranting. I cannot tell you how much it freaked me out to have the back part of the window pop out of the track while I was doing 84mph on the highway!
As for things outside of automobiles, I think your concern, based on my posts, is valid. I think I have a good give-and-take relationship right now. It hasn’t always been that way. I think in general what I find frustrating is listening to friends (and seeing in tv or movies – I know this isn’t real, but it is sometimes symptomatic) and hearing an unwillingness to talk to whomever they are sleeping with about what they’re doing. I know it takes some time, but I also know there are things that he can tell me about what he likes, and things Ican tell him, that it would take a long time to figure out otherwise. And sometimes, you’re right, you just want to lay back and let the other person do all the work. But I think that applies to men, too, doesn’t it? If you let your s.o. explore, and give a thumbs up or down about what he or she discovers about your body, that lets both of you potentially learn something new, right? Anyway, I appreciate your comments, and will probably spend some time trying to see if there is truth in them in my personal life. Although I do like learning new things, especially about sex (you really should see my book collection!) I sometimes get lazy. Hmm.
My heart goes out to you guys... I'm still ticked about losing Firefly and Lucky...
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=797&ncid=763&e=9&u=/eo/20040406/en_tv_eo/13852
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=797&ncid=763&e=9&u=/eo/20040406/en_tv_eo/13852
06 April 2004
Surprise.
I got off early today for a doctor's appointment, so I figured I'd take time to post. Today, I got to see a picture of my heart beating. Kicked my ass. The machine was far out, this crazy keyboard with all these features. It had a shitty touch CRT that was only like 15", but the thing was slick and quick. It looked like it was recording my heartbeat, measuring the size of the valves and even looked like it was reading the sound spectrum surrounding my heart as it was beating. Damn. The world AIN'T a bad place when you're around something new and awesome like that.
But here's a question, they use this lubricant so they can slide the instrument around on your skin...don't YOU normally clean that off your chest as opposed to the girl running the machine? Not that I minded, the girl wasn't bad looking and hispanic (liked the accent)...just felt kinda weird in a place of business and all.
I considered begging her for oral sex, but refrained. (I still think that guy shoulda tried crying, maybe some statement about having 1 month left to live or something.....wonder if he'd have gotten head if he put on a MOZ album? Now there's a question.........)
Alas, our poor Jackets. 10 bad minutes is really all they had in a 40 minute game. They were awesome, though. They fought hard in the second half and won that half. They lost the game, but they did win the second half. They never gave up and neither did UConn, which is why the second half victory is worthy of praise. I can't wait for next year, I hope they continue to stay a strong team, because this year they beat everybody on one night or another, even UConn and Duke. On any given night, the Jackets were a threat - and that's all I've ever wanted in Tech athletics, competitive teams.
So what else is going on...it's SPRING, speaking of which, I gotta order some sod for my front yard here shortly. I signed up for a Java class on Saturdays to finally get some formal programming training and start considering that as a potential alternative career path. Less free time for me! Sundays will now be taken up by yardwork (see the it's spring comment). Still dragging my ass outta bed everyday at 5am and working out. On track to make my goal, potentially in the 1 year timeframe I set out to do.
Oral sex and pop rocks? I know sugar and vaginas do not mix well, but hell, why not. Maybe we should start with rice crispies and move slowly to pop rocks, but it might be fun.
Money is an enabler, there is a certain amount just flat out required for existence. But a good imagination doesn't hurt if you're low on funds. I grew up poor, I can go to a mall and just be amused by the people I see there for hours so long as there's someone with me to laugh and the crazy shit I think up. Sometimes I think I may have too much money - enabling too many distractions. Then I play a video game or watch a little TV and completely lose track of thought.
I thought corporate business WAS organized crime???
Now, regarding my last post and KT's response, I'm confused. I say that women seem to want to be ravaged and don't want to have to communicate and Kate calls me a porn fiend (thanks man, I take that as a complement). Luckily, I've never derived gender roles or concepts of foreplay from porn otherwise my concept of foreplay would be whiskey through an IV. But no, even as a 12 year old whacking off in front of the TV and thinking to myself 'I wonder if BetaMax would make this better?' I understood porn is about ACTING and shouldn't be taken seriously (outside of the illegal stuff, when people should be shot on sight for possession, and yes this does include Pete Townshend).
But back to my confusion, Kate don't you go on to agree with me? That most women give into that passive role? I never made any statement of opinion on the matter, but you attack me as if I was quite happy with things as they are. The 411 is that, so long as a man is getting laid, we're not too concerned about gender roles. But don't be fooled by our lack of concern over what you have deemed a serious problem...anything that makes a woman more satisfied and gets men laid more often WILL BE HAPPILY AGREED TO.
But I'm concerned about you, Kate. Because you talk about communication and cooperation, but your car has a problem and the repair doesn't take the first time and you blame the entire American workforce! You then stated (I had to dig in the archives to find my last post - sad I know) that you are frustrated by car repairs because you don't understand them...you don't show a willingness to learn. Now obviously, a car is not a man, but most men identify with cars and personify them. Is that the right term for endowing inanimate objects with human qualities? I don't think it is, help me out here. But what I'm saying is that I'm worried (it's not like I'm accusing you or attacking you) that perhaps this may extend into your personal life. I hope it doesn't, but perhaps you need to check into that. Are you learning as much about your lover as you are teaching him?
At the very least, get to know your car...it's practically your modern-day horse, it's like a living thing. It takes such good care of you, give a little back. To hell with your man's lovelife, I am actually more worried about Gerdie, was that her name?
Shit, I gotta order sod....see you kid's next month? : )
I got off early today for a doctor's appointment, so I figured I'd take time to post. Today, I got to see a picture of my heart beating. Kicked my ass. The machine was far out, this crazy keyboard with all these features. It had a shitty touch CRT that was only like 15", but the thing was slick and quick. It looked like it was recording my heartbeat, measuring the size of the valves and even looked like it was reading the sound spectrum surrounding my heart as it was beating. Damn. The world AIN'T a bad place when you're around something new and awesome like that.
But here's a question, they use this lubricant so they can slide the instrument around on your skin...don't YOU normally clean that off your chest as opposed to the girl running the machine? Not that I minded, the girl wasn't bad looking and hispanic (liked the accent)...just felt kinda weird in a place of business and all.
I considered begging her for oral sex, but refrained. (I still think that guy shoulda tried crying, maybe some statement about having 1 month left to live or something.....wonder if he'd have gotten head if he put on a MOZ album? Now there's a question.........)
Alas, our poor Jackets. 10 bad minutes is really all they had in a 40 minute game. They were awesome, though. They fought hard in the second half and won that half. They lost the game, but they did win the second half. They never gave up and neither did UConn, which is why the second half victory is worthy of praise. I can't wait for next year, I hope they continue to stay a strong team, because this year they beat everybody on one night or another, even UConn and Duke. On any given night, the Jackets were a threat - and that's all I've ever wanted in Tech athletics, competitive teams.
So what else is going on...it's SPRING, speaking of which, I gotta order some sod for my front yard here shortly. I signed up for a Java class on Saturdays to finally get some formal programming training and start considering that as a potential alternative career path. Less free time for me! Sundays will now be taken up by yardwork (see the it's spring comment). Still dragging my ass outta bed everyday at 5am and working out. On track to make my goal, potentially in the 1 year timeframe I set out to do.
Oral sex and pop rocks? I know sugar and vaginas do not mix well, but hell, why not. Maybe we should start with rice crispies and move slowly to pop rocks, but it might be fun.
Money is an enabler, there is a certain amount just flat out required for existence. But a good imagination doesn't hurt if you're low on funds. I grew up poor, I can go to a mall and just be amused by the people I see there for hours so long as there's someone with me to laugh and the crazy shit I think up. Sometimes I think I may have too much money - enabling too many distractions. Then I play a video game or watch a little TV and completely lose track of thought.
I thought corporate business WAS organized crime???
Now, regarding my last post and KT's response, I'm confused. I say that women seem to want to be ravaged and don't want to have to communicate and Kate calls me a porn fiend (thanks man, I take that as a complement). Luckily, I've never derived gender roles or concepts of foreplay from porn otherwise my concept of foreplay would be whiskey through an IV. But no, even as a 12 year old whacking off in front of the TV and thinking to myself 'I wonder if BetaMax would make this better?' I understood porn is about ACTING and shouldn't be taken seriously (outside of the illegal stuff, when people should be shot on sight for possession, and yes this does include Pete Townshend).
But back to my confusion, Kate don't you go on to agree with me? That most women give into that passive role? I never made any statement of opinion on the matter, but you attack me as if I was quite happy with things as they are. The 411 is that, so long as a man is getting laid, we're not too concerned about gender roles. But don't be fooled by our lack of concern over what you have deemed a serious problem...anything that makes a woman more satisfied and gets men laid more often WILL BE HAPPILY AGREED TO.
But I'm concerned about you, Kate. Because you talk about communication and cooperation, but your car has a problem and the repair doesn't take the first time and you blame the entire American workforce! You then stated (I had to dig in the archives to find my last post - sad I know) that you are frustrated by car repairs because you don't understand them...you don't show a willingness to learn. Now obviously, a car is not a man, but most men identify with cars and personify them. Is that the right term for endowing inanimate objects with human qualities? I don't think it is, help me out here. But what I'm saying is that I'm worried (it's not like I'm accusing you or attacking you) that perhaps this may extend into your personal life. I hope it doesn't, but perhaps you need to check into that. Are you learning as much about your lover as you are teaching him?
At the very least, get to know your car...it's practically your modern-day horse, it's like a living thing. It takes such good care of you, give a little back. To hell with your man's lovelife, I am actually more worried about Gerdie, was that her name?
Shit, I gotta order sod....see you kid's next month? : )
Oh, I'm sorry--I wasn't trying to imply that you were one of those types, I was merely surprised I was actually right about anything :)
(...and you're wrong about vanilla being superior to chocolate, I don't care if it is based in it, it's an improvement--but I will grant you there is no better flavor than the two mixed together)
I guess with the "get hitched" thing, I was mostly thinking get married to a rich guy. But even still, you get that tax thing, share expenses and income... assuming you don't blow $20,000 on your wedding like some people I know... but I've never been married, so I can't really talk.
The important thing is to like your job above all else, so if you're happy with it, stay with it.
This guy Morrissey... he talks to you and Susan often, doesn't he? He seems to have some sort of weird mind control over you guys... I would be careful about playing his records backwards... hey, did you guys see this movie called "24 Hour Party People" (http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1807812144&intl=us) ? It was about the birth of New Wave and Raves and all that sort in Manchester... I didn't know enough about the history to get it all, but it was a good movie anyway...
THE YELLOW JACKETS SHALL RISE AGAIN
(...and you're wrong about vanilla being superior to chocolate, I don't care if it is based in it, it's an improvement--but I will grant you there is no better flavor than the two mixed together)
I guess with the "get hitched" thing, I was mostly thinking get married to a rich guy. But even still, you get that tax thing, share expenses and income... assuming you don't blow $20,000 on your wedding like some people I know... but I've never been married, so I can't really talk.
The important thing is to like your job above all else, so if you're happy with it, stay with it.
This guy Morrissey... he talks to you and Susan often, doesn't he? He seems to have some sort of weird mind control over you guys... I would be careful about playing his records backwards... hey, did you guys see this movie called "24 Hour Party People" (http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1807812144&intl=us) ? It was about the birth of New Wave and Raves and all that sort in Manchester... I didn't know enough about the history to get it all, but it was a good movie anyway...
THE YELLOW JACKETS SHALL RISE AGAIN
Hey now. I've never been one of those "I'm right so of course you must be wrong" kind of people. (Although, Susan, vanilla is still a superior as a flavor to chocolate. Chocolate is more popular and more tasty, but it is based in vanilla, as are many other flavors, so vanilla wins.)
I didn't get my hour back, damn time and its cohorts all to hell. Or maybe to heaven, since Morrissey promised me and my friends a place in hell, and I don't want time.
I've contemplated organized crime, ND did just get into powerball or whatever and we do have casinos, so I guess those are still options. I'd have to move for the former -- or join a Canadian gang. Maybe I can be a prescription drug mule? D isn't an option. I'm another year from being full qualified in my field (2 years experience) and again, there are only 50 states. My field just doesn't pay all that well, but I like what I do. Last question: How will getting hitched help anything?
I didn't get my hour back, damn time and its cohorts all to hell. Or maybe to heaven, since Morrissey promised me and my friends a place in hell, and I don't want time.
I've contemplated organized crime, ND did just get into powerball or whatever and we do have casinos, so I guess those are still options. I'd have to move for the former -- or join a Canadian gang. Maybe I can be a prescription drug mule? D isn't an option. I'm another year from being full qualified in my field (2 years experience) and again, there are only 50 states. My field just doesn't pay all that well, but I like what I do. Last question: How will getting hitched help anything?
I was *right* about something? In the immortal words of Peter Griffin: "Holy freakin' CRAP!" I should retire before I ruin my perfect record.
Kate, how much did it cost you to get that hour back? Maybe you should have waited about six months or so and gotten a deal on it :)
Seriously, though--a lot of my friends are saddled with the student loan and I see how it makes many other things a lot more difficult--kinda like that whole job vs experience circle where you can't get a job without experience, and you can't get experience without a job. What sucks is that you're doing the right thing--trying to plan for the future, trying to manage your money. Looks like there's only four ways I can see out of your situation:
A) get hitched
B) turn to a life of organized crime
C) win the lottery
D) get a better paying job
Short of those, I guess you could stop having fun in all forms... or stop eating altogether... BTW, I hate to do this, but I'll need to collect the Blog Tax from you... 140 words x $0.35/word = $49.00 for your last post... will that be cash, check, or charge?
In other news, I only have one thing to say about last night's game (and you can quote me):
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kate, how much did it cost you to get that hour back? Maybe you should have waited about six months or so and gotten a deal on it :)
Seriously, though--a lot of my friends are saddled with the student loan and I see how it makes many other things a lot more difficult--kinda like that whole job vs experience circle where you can't get a job without experience, and you can't get experience without a job. What sucks is that you're doing the right thing--trying to plan for the future, trying to manage your money. Looks like there's only four ways I can see out of your situation:
A) get hitched
B) turn to a life of organized crime
C) win the lottery
D) get a better paying job
Short of those, I guess you could stop having fun in all forms... or stop eating altogether... BTW, I hate to do this, but I'll need to collect the Blog Tax from you... 140 words x $0.35/word = $49.00 for your last post... will that be cash, check, or charge?
In other news, I only have one thing to say about last night's game (and you can quote me):
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, I think Mark's right. Okay, I knew he was right last week or so when he said that the reason money matters is because it is an enabler -- without it, there are things you cannot do. It just sucks. I keep trying to work out a monthly budget -- basically to sit down, see where my money goes, and figure out how to put some of it in savings, some of it in retirement, and some of it in an account to eventually have a house down payment. But if you add any reasonable amount to each of those accounts, and then subtract those amounts from my paycheck, and then subtract rent, utilities, food, student loan payment, and a little for entertainment, you have nothing left. Nothing at all. In fact, entertainment gets nixed. How does that work again?
05 April 2004
03 April 2004
Wow. Turn your back for a second on these guys (girls) and you get left behind :)
I spent the first Friday night in some time just vegging out in front of the old 60". Got in touch with my inner ninja a bit, and also watched "Gothika". Good stuff, I should have gone to see it in the theatre. Gonna try to get some stuff done around the house today and later tonight Jenn and I are going to catch David Alan Grier at the Tampa Improv. Did I mention today is Jenn's B-day?
All I can say about genetic agriculture is that eventually we'll develop a food that will eat US.
You know, I went to a record five weddings in 2002 (would have been six but I missed one thanks to the Great Verizon Almost Strike). I was in the wedding party in three of them--one usher (my personal favorite--ugh), one standard issue groomsman, one Best Man (that was Bill's wedding, Kate). I have to threaten people to within an inch of their lives should they entertain the thought of making me an usher. My ushering career is over. That's THE crappiest job you can have at a wedding. The most stressful is definitely Best Man, but I've enjoyed both my runs at it, although I wish I had done better jobs on my speeches. But my favorite part of having gone to these weddings is that I've pretty much married off the guys that are closest to me--which is kinda cool. My sisters are another story, however--not like I'm one to talk--the Eternal Bachelor(tm) is back in the house! Sorry for the ramble, but weddings are one of those things I've grown to love, so long as I'm not the one getting married :)
Actually, that brings up something interesting I was told a couple weekends ago... this girl I had never met before told me I looked "ripe". Before you guys go nuts with the "why don't you shower more often?" jokes... what she meant was that I had the look of a guy who was ready to settle down... is that something women can tell by looking at a guy, becuase if I'm giving off that vibe, I'd like to know how.
I have not watched Wonderfalls, but I heard someone else talking about it. Hopefully it won't suffer the same fate as so many good shows before it.
I don't know about Danny, but I'm going to pass on the oral sex with pop rocks... as far the flavored powders/creams what not... are you guys trying to get eaten out or EATEN out?
I spent the first Friday night in some time just vegging out in front of the old 60". Got in touch with my inner ninja a bit, and also watched "Gothika". Good stuff, I should have gone to see it in the theatre. Gonna try to get some stuff done around the house today and later tonight Jenn and I are going to catch David Alan Grier at the Tampa Improv. Did I mention today is Jenn's B-day?
All I can say about genetic agriculture is that eventually we'll develop a food that will eat US.
You know, I went to a record five weddings in 2002 (would have been six but I missed one thanks to the Great Verizon Almost Strike). I was in the wedding party in three of them--one usher (my personal favorite--ugh), one standard issue groomsman, one Best Man (that was Bill's wedding, Kate). I have to threaten people to within an inch of their lives should they entertain the thought of making me an usher. My ushering career is over. That's THE crappiest job you can have at a wedding. The most stressful is definitely Best Man, but I've enjoyed both my runs at it, although I wish I had done better jobs on my speeches. But my favorite part of having gone to these weddings is that I've pretty much married off the guys that are closest to me--which is kinda cool. My sisters are another story, however--not like I'm one to talk--the Eternal Bachelor(tm) is back in the house! Sorry for the ramble, but weddings are one of those things I've grown to love, so long as I'm not the one getting married :)
Actually, that brings up something interesting I was told a couple weekends ago... this girl I had never met before told me I looked "ripe". Before you guys go nuts with the "why don't you shower more often?" jokes... what she meant was that I had the look of a guy who was ready to settle down... is that something women can tell by looking at a guy, becuase if I'm giving off that vibe, I'd like to know how.
I have not watched Wonderfalls, but I heard someone else talking about it. Hopefully it won't suffer the same fate as so many good shows before it.
I don't know about Danny, but I'm going to pass on the oral sex with pop rocks... as far the flavored powders/creams what not... are you guys trying to get eaten out or EATEN out?
02 April 2004
Yep, my Luv Slave is coming to visit. And yes, I consider it “long-term.” For the record, that does NOT mean I have or hope for that special ring! It means that it isn’t a fling and we’ll see where it goes. My mom’s known the age difference since before Christmas, mainly because she asked. I wasn’t planning on volunteering that information to her. You've always had dibs on bridesmaid, but that would require me getting married. Oh, and if I were to do the white-gowned ceremony, you do know I can't guarantee a color scheme of blue or grey for you, right? I was talking to my grad school roommate about that wedding planning show on TLC -- the one where your friends and family plan the deal? I want to plan your ultra-goth midnight, candlelit, organs playing Bach, white dress, red roses and bridesmaids in black wedding.
You didn’t coin mental masturbation. We stole it from somewhere. I remember reading it. Actually, I think the term was intellectual masturbation – when you get so high on your own ideas that you don’t need anyone else around. Liberal arts majors are never guilty of such hijinks.
Wonderfalls does rock. I watched the first episode as a whim, but enjoyed it. I don’t know that Thursday is the place for it to be, up against NBC’s lineup, and the fact that Fox moved it 3 episodes in kind of tells me they aren’t committed. Since it’s somewhat insightful, witty, and amusing, I’m sure it won’t last beyond a season. It will be one of those shows with a small cult following that is actually GOOD tv that therefore gets cancelled by the network. Maybe the net execs are afraid that one or two good shows will highlight the mediocrity of the rest of their lineups and jeopardize viewership? Gods forbid we get disgusted and turn off the television. How would we know what to buy? My favorite “clip” would have to be the fireworks that went off in the cute guy bartender’s eyes when Jaye tells him: “Your ex wife called when I was on your (cell) phone. I told her you were servicing me sexually. Was that inappropriate?”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never connected Doritos flavor with sex. I did give you a product test conclusion: don’t buy body powders. I’m really tempted to get a mortar-and-pestle (want one anyway) and grind some fun dip up into fine powder and use that. That would be awesome. Or how about oral sex with pop rocks in your mouth? The cats really hate it if you get a mouthful of pop rocks and then open your mouth near their ears.
As for the GMOs, first off, they aren’t labeled. While some of them may be perfectly safe, I would like the option of including or excluding them from my diet. With your Olestra chips, you can choose to eat it or avoid it, because it’s listed on the packaging. Same with fake sugar. I’m fine with both. But if we can’t label things (too expensive according to opponents of that suggestion) then we can’t recall anything thought to be unsafe. It’s like meat problems – you can’t recall it if you can’t track it. My concerns stem from what is, in my opinion, inadequate research on the ramifications of gene splicing. But even further, why don’t we know what’s got GMO products in it and what doesn’t? If the companies using the GMO products are so afraid the public won’t buy the stuff, maybe that tells us something.
I’m having really X-rated thoughts on my childhood candy favorites right now....
You didn’t coin mental masturbation. We stole it from somewhere. I remember reading it. Actually, I think the term was intellectual masturbation – when you get so high on your own ideas that you don’t need anyone else around. Liberal arts majors are never guilty of such hijinks.
Wonderfalls does rock. I watched the first episode as a whim, but enjoyed it. I don’t know that Thursday is the place for it to be, up against NBC’s lineup, and the fact that Fox moved it 3 episodes in kind of tells me they aren’t committed. Since it’s somewhat insightful, witty, and amusing, I’m sure it won’t last beyond a season. It will be one of those shows with a small cult following that is actually GOOD tv that therefore gets cancelled by the network. Maybe the net execs are afraid that one or two good shows will highlight the mediocrity of the rest of their lineups and jeopardize viewership? Gods forbid we get disgusted and turn off the television. How would we know what to buy? My favorite “clip” would have to be the fireworks that went off in the cute guy bartender’s eyes when Jaye tells him: “Your ex wife called when I was on your (cell) phone. I told her you were servicing me sexually. Was that inappropriate?”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never connected Doritos flavor with sex. I did give you a product test conclusion: don’t buy body powders. I’m really tempted to get a mortar-and-pestle (want one anyway) and grind some fun dip up into fine powder and use that. That would be awesome. Or how about oral sex with pop rocks in your mouth? The cats really hate it if you get a mouthful of pop rocks and then open your mouth near their ears.
As for the GMOs, first off, they aren’t labeled. While some of them may be perfectly safe, I would like the option of including or excluding them from my diet. With your Olestra chips, you can choose to eat it or avoid it, because it’s listed on the packaging. Same with fake sugar. I’m fine with both. But if we can’t label things (too expensive according to opponents of that suggestion) then we can’t recall anything thought to be unsafe. It’s like meat problems – you can’t recall it if you can’t track it. My concerns stem from what is, in my opinion, inadequate research on the ramifications of gene splicing. But even further, why don’t we know what’s got GMO products in it and what doesn’t? If the companies using the GMO products are so afraid the public won’t buy the stuff, maybe that tells us something.
I’m having really X-rated thoughts on my childhood candy favorites right now....
*insert shrilly deafening scream here*
holy shit, the man is coming to atlanta?! oh yeah! i get to meet the 40 year old love slave...finally!!! does your mom know hes that old? she should certainly figure that out when she meets him! lol! man oh man! i need to know the date so i can get the time off or whatever! sheeee-it! hell yeah! sweet! i cant wait!
well, i was browsing my favorite bands' websites and discovered a few new things. first and foremost, you all have GOT to check out morrissey's website because the picture is FUCKING FABULOUS!!! oh hell yeah moz, i love you man! although i do have to say that i am hugely ashamed that he has signed on to be a part of lollapalooza...yes, sad but true. but his new album is out may 18th. as for jump, little children they are now just going by the name jump. i can dig that considering i call them jump anyways. both their album and the subdudes new album are coming out april 20th. the countdown begins!!! i cant wait! i have too much to look forward to in the upcoming weeks! wink, wink...
as for the flavored body powders...they of course never seem to really taste all that great. shit, they made that dippin powder stuff with the lick em sticks so you think they could make body powder using the same theory there to get maximum flavoriness! and mark, really, shouldnt you be more racially conscious than to ask for fried chicken flavor?! no, theres no malt liquah flava either! and kt, i thought gimlets were vodka with those little pearl onions in them or with a splash of olive juice or something...didnt think there was lemons or limes or whatever involved. but hey, the name does emote a certain period of time. and if i had a certain someone i might actually buy some to test out...if you get some please let me know, im curious as hell about it. man, spring is springing and the urge to buy naughties at vickie's is strong...ugh! lol!
speaking of masturbation, kt, i think i was either the one who coined the term "mental masturbation" or else i was the first to steal it from someone else. shit, sex and the like was mostly what i talked about in college so is it really a surprise?! and yes, i do think you are the only blogger in a long-term relationship...oh hey, does that mean you consider it to be long-term now? very interesting... i call dibs on maid of honor...heh heh heh! and the first little kt jr. better be named siouxsan dammit! lmao!!!
as for funky irradiated or genetically engineered food, i say, bring it on. shit, im the chick who continues to eat olestra-laden potato chips. so far, no anal leakage problems...cause i know yall wanted to know. im trying the olestra doritos next...ill keep ya posted. but yeah, i hate it when we as the u.s. act like bullies. and of course we all know i hate W. (see below...). but really, as for the mexican corn issue and the like, thats what we cynics call NATURAL SELECTION...although theres a slightly man-made twist to it admittedly...but shit, if youre fucking allergic to every fucking thing then you deserve to die...lol...i mean, shit, you wouldve died thousands of years ago but now we keep your sorry ass defective genes around to further taint the genes of mankind...thanks for bringing all us people down man, thanks. lol! shit, as long as the fucking food doesnt really fuck people up and its all labeled well for those defectives who need it, then i say bring it on. its about time for some exciting new products in the supermarkets anyways isnt it? you can only make chips and crackers in so many shapes and flavors.
which brings me to something me and one of the guys at publix was chatting about last night...flavored vaginal creams...i think its the wave of the future. i was riffing on douches and how they have like vinegar flavored douches (if you can call it "flavored") and i thought, hey, we need some zesty ranch flavored vaginal cream! or maybe nacho cheese! it could be either a totally goofy and novel sexual item or could be medicated for that not so fresh feeling without keeping your man away from the tuna buffet...wow, thats really crass...lol! what do you guys think? should i fill out a patent application now or wait until testing is over? i think its the wave of the future and you guys could get in on the bottom floor with me. whatdaya think? yep, my talents are wasted in law enforcement!
one final thing, if you guys havent seen it yet, you need need need to watch Wonderfalls...its a new show on fox and used to be on on fridays but i think its moved to thursdays now. its fucking hilarious and smart as shit! heres a clip..."honey, i know your carelessness isnt because you dont care..." dude, its about a cynical and smart as a whip generation y gal with a philosophy degree who is overeducated and unemployable who works in a niagra falls souvenir shop where inanimate plastic animals talk to her and tell her to do things...yes, i know, sounds odd, but you gotta see it. these plastic items such as a platic lion and plastic pink flamingoes basically cajole her into helping people and making the world a better place. really, trust me, just watch it once and youll be hooked.
anyways, im sure theres something around here i gotta do...ugh!
holy shit, the man is coming to atlanta?! oh yeah! i get to meet the 40 year old love slave...finally!!! does your mom know hes that old? she should certainly figure that out when she meets him! lol! man oh man! i need to know the date so i can get the time off or whatever! sheeee-it! hell yeah! sweet! i cant wait!
well, i was browsing my favorite bands' websites and discovered a few new things. first and foremost, you all have GOT to check out morrissey's website because the picture is FUCKING FABULOUS!!! oh hell yeah moz, i love you man! although i do have to say that i am hugely ashamed that he has signed on to be a part of lollapalooza...yes, sad but true. but his new album is out may 18th. as for jump, little children they are now just going by the name jump. i can dig that considering i call them jump anyways. both their album and the subdudes new album are coming out april 20th. the countdown begins!!! i cant wait! i have too much to look forward to in the upcoming weeks! wink, wink...
as for the flavored body powders...they of course never seem to really taste all that great. shit, they made that dippin powder stuff with the lick em sticks so you think they could make body powder using the same theory there to get maximum flavoriness! and mark, really, shouldnt you be more racially conscious than to ask for fried chicken flavor?! no, theres no malt liquah flava either! and kt, i thought gimlets were vodka with those little pearl onions in them or with a splash of olive juice or something...didnt think there was lemons or limes or whatever involved. but hey, the name does emote a certain period of time. and if i had a certain someone i might actually buy some to test out...if you get some please let me know, im curious as hell about it. man, spring is springing and the urge to buy naughties at vickie's is strong...ugh! lol!
speaking of masturbation, kt, i think i was either the one who coined the term "mental masturbation" or else i was the first to steal it from someone else. shit, sex and the like was mostly what i talked about in college so is it really a surprise?! and yes, i do think you are the only blogger in a long-term relationship...oh hey, does that mean you consider it to be long-term now? very interesting... i call dibs on maid of honor...heh heh heh! and the first little kt jr. better be named siouxsan dammit! lmao!!!
as for funky irradiated or genetically engineered food, i say, bring it on. shit, im the chick who continues to eat olestra-laden potato chips. so far, no anal leakage problems...cause i know yall wanted to know. im trying the olestra doritos next...ill keep ya posted. but yeah, i hate it when we as the u.s. act like bullies. and of course we all know i hate W. (see below...). but really, as for the mexican corn issue and the like, thats what we cynics call NATURAL SELECTION...although theres a slightly man-made twist to it admittedly...but shit, if youre fucking allergic to every fucking thing then you deserve to die...lol...i mean, shit, you wouldve died thousands of years ago but now we keep your sorry ass defective genes around to further taint the genes of mankind...thanks for bringing all us people down man, thanks. lol! shit, as long as the fucking food doesnt really fuck people up and its all labeled well for those defectives who need it, then i say bring it on. its about time for some exciting new products in the supermarkets anyways isnt it? you can only make chips and crackers in so many shapes and flavors.
which brings me to something me and one of the guys at publix was chatting about last night...flavored vaginal creams...i think its the wave of the future. i was riffing on douches and how they have like vinegar flavored douches (if you can call it "flavored") and i thought, hey, we need some zesty ranch flavored vaginal cream! or maybe nacho cheese! it could be either a totally goofy and novel sexual item or could be medicated for that not so fresh feeling without keeping your man away from the tuna buffet...wow, thats really crass...lol! what do you guys think? should i fill out a patent application now or wait until testing is over? i think its the wave of the future and you guys could get in on the bottom floor with me. whatdaya think? yep, my talents are wasted in law enforcement!
one final thing, if you guys havent seen it yet, you need need need to watch Wonderfalls...its a new show on fox and used to be on on fridays but i think its moved to thursdays now. its fucking hilarious and smart as shit! heres a clip..."honey, i know your carelessness isnt because you dont care..." dude, its about a cynical and smart as a whip generation y gal with a philosophy degree who is overeducated and unemployable who works in a niagra falls souvenir shop where inanimate plastic animals talk to her and tell her to do things...yes, i know, sounds odd, but you gotta see it. these plastic items such as a platic lion and plastic pink flamingoes basically cajole her into helping people and making the world a better place. really, trust me, just watch it once and youll be hooked.
anyways, im sure theres something around here i gotta do...ugh!
Why do we honestly believe that we have the right (and might) to demand that everyone else in the world accede to our bottom line? And why do we keep believe the humanitarian claims of companies like Monsanto (also concerned only with their bottom line) potentially to the detriment of our society and environment?
For the record, when we pushed the EU to accept our irradiated beef, they refused. We took them to WTO court and won. Guess what? The EU's been paying the fine for the last 4 or so years rather than accept what they think is unworthy food. Good for them! Hurrah! They have abided by the decision of the court, but have chosen to stand their ground and pay the fine. I'm glad someone has backbone enough to stand by what they think.
(From the Institute for Agricultural Trade Policy):
The Bush Administration is attempting to overthrow the European Union's tough regulations on genetically engineered foods through a legal case at the World Trade Organization (WTO). Since 1998, the European Union (EU) has placed a moratorium on the introduction of new genetically engineered (GE) crops until it had in place legislation and a regulatory structure to evaluate human health and environmental risks of GE organisms. In May 2003, unwilling to wait for the adoption of the new legislation and regulatory structure by EU member states, the U.S. filed a complaint at the WTO asserting that the EU policy is illegal under international trade rules.
The repercussions of a successful U.S. challenge at the WTO could be huge. Over 87 countries around the world have signed onto the Biosafety Protocol, which guarantees the rights of member nations to take a precautionary approach in regulating genetically engineered organisms pursuant to the terms of the United Nations Convention on Biological Diversity. The U.S., which has not ratified the Biosafety treaty, is attempting to override the rights established in the Biosafety Protocol through its case at the World Trade Organization. If the U.S. wins its legal challenge at the WTO, it could diminish the rights of nations around the world to protect their environment and food production systems.
------------------end of quote------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember the Mexican corn? The stuff crossed genetically with peanuts, that everyone allergic to peanuts was allergic to? So that someone with a peanut allergy who was calmly eating a corn tortilla ended up in the hospital? Good job!
My personal opinion is that we are screwing ourselves by planting and using GMO crops without adequate research on what the genetic contamination can/does mean for biodiversity, human health, and the environment in general. But even if you aren't particularly opposed to GMO food being grown, do we, as the United States of America, have the right to force anyone else to buy our scientifically-created, but potentially hazardous, food?
For the record, when we pushed the EU to accept our irradiated beef, they refused. We took them to WTO court and won. Guess what? The EU's been paying the fine for the last 4 or so years rather than accept what they think is unworthy food. Good for them! Hurrah! They have abided by the decision of the court, but have chosen to stand their ground and pay the fine. I'm glad someone has backbone enough to stand by what they think.
(From the Institute for Agricultural Trade Policy):
The Bush Administration is attempting to overthrow the European Union's tough regulations on genetically engineered foods through a legal case at the World Trade Organization (WTO). Since 1998, the European Union (EU) has placed a moratorium on the introduction of new genetically engineered (GE) crops until it had in place legislation and a regulatory structure to evaluate human health and environmental risks of GE organisms. In May 2003, unwilling to wait for the adoption of the new legislation and regulatory structure by EU member states, the U.S. filed a complaint at the WTO asserting that the EU policy is illegal under international trade rules.
The repercussions of a successful U.S. challenge at the WTO could be huge. Over 87 countries around the world have signed onto the Biosafety Protocol, which guarantees the rights of member nations to take a precautionary approach in regulating genetically engineered organisms pursuant to the terms of the United Nations Convention on Biological Diversity. The U.S., which has not ratified the Biosafety treaty, is attempting to override the rights established in the Biosafety Protocol through its case at the World Trade Organization. If the U.S. wins its legal challenge at the WTO, it could diminish the rights of nations around the world to protect their environment and food production systems.
------------------end of quote------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember the Mexican corn? The stuff crossed genetically with peanuts, that everyone allergic to peanuts was allergic to? So that someone with a peanut allergy who was calmly eating a corn tortilla ended up in the hospital? Good job!
My personal opinion is that we are screwing ourselves by planting and using GMO crops without adequate research on what the genetic contamination can/does mean for biodiversity, human health, and the environment in general. But even if you aren't particularly opposed to GMO food being grown, do we, as the United States of America, have the right to force anyone else to buy our scientifically-created, but potentially hazardous, food?
S – my guess is that he’d go for cocoa, although I do like the s’more mix they suggest. I'm dating a man who is more of a chocolate whore than most PMSing women.
I want glimmering soiree glamour! Well, actually, we don’t have soirees in the Midwest. Maybe in Chicago and Minneapolis, but not way the hell out here. Most folks getting dressed up for a night on the town put on their good jeans, a clean shirt, and the dress cowboy boots. Not joking. Myself, I’d pick the Gimlet. First of all, fantastic that they have such a flavor (1940s cocktails rise again!) and second, gotta love that citrus tang. I had some honey dust from Kama Sutra at one point – loved the cute feather duster (but come on, it tickles Way more than it arouses!) but the honey dust tasted, well, powdery. Not particularly good. Can’t really recommend it.
Did they have some anal lube for you? Actually, since it's a financial institution and you aren't going to enjoy it anyway, why not just be cheap and get the Crisco?
There has been a long-running debate about the roles of nature and nurture in creating ourselves. The interesting thing is that those whose genes you have are usually the ones who nurture you. I have to go with the middle of the road combination theory. There are aspects of my personality that feel and seem uniquely mine, that don’t relate at all to my family or my home environment. But there are many things that I can look at and say, okay, I do this in this manner because my mother or father did this other thing and I liked/hated it. So on and so forth. Just my opinion.
Am I the only blogger currently in a long-term relationship? Hmmm. Just curious. Well, interestingly enough, you will have your chance to meet him, susan. He’s coming to ATL in May with me. You will be at my mom’s b-day party, right? She told me she’d invited you, and she actually included your name on her list for invitations.
Anyway, on a “follow your dreams” kind of note, I have a friend who is working on a business plan to open her own store, which I think is incredibly cool. She’s in her early 30s and is a quilter, and the store will be a shop for people who quilt. I don’t, quilt that is, but tons of people out here do. It’s kind of a thing – you end up with a crafting hobby because leaving your house unnecessarily in the winter is discouraged by the meteorological milieu. So, anyway, it’s fantastically cool to watch someone get all excited about doing something she’s always wanted to do. Sometimes, I even feel like that about my job.
Mark, is your sister just not long-winded enough to blog? Or did she end up a quieter person because you never let her get a word in edgewise (nurture!!!)? Long live the filibuster! All hands on for mental masturbation! (I wish I could remember who said that.)
I want glimmering soiree glamour! Well, actually, we don’t have soirees in the Midwest. Maybe in Chicago and Minneapolis, but not way the hell out here. Most folks getting dressed up for a night on the town put on their good jeans, a clean shirt, and the dress cowboy boots. Not joking. Myself, I’d pick the Gimlet. First of all, fantastic that they have such a flavor (1940s cocktails rise again!) and second, gotta love that citrus tang. I had some honey dust from Kama Sutra at one point – loved the cute feather duster (but come on, it tickles Way more than it arouses!) but the honey dust tasted, well, powdery. Not particularly good. Can’t really recommend it.
Did they have some anal lube for you? Actually, since it's a financial institution and you aren't going to enjoy it anyway, why not just be cheap and get the Crisco?
There has been a long-running debate about the roles of nature and nurture in creating ourselves. The interesting thing is that those whose genes you have are usually the ones who nurture you. I have to go with the middle of the road combination theory. There are aspects of my personality that feel and seem uniquely mine, that don’t relate at all to my family or my home environment. But there are many things that I can look at and say, okay, I do this in this manner because my mother or father did this other thing and I liked/hated it. So on and so forth. Just my opinion.
Am I the only blogger currently in a long-term relationship? Hmmm. Just curious. Well, interestingly enough, you will have your chance to meet him, susan. He’s coming to ATL in May with me. You will be at my mom’s b-day party, right? She told me she’d invited you, and she actually included your name on her list for invitations.
Anyway, on a “follow your dreams” kind of note, I have a friend who is working on a business plan to open her own store, which I think is incredibly cool. She’s in her early 30s and is a quilter, and the store will be a shop for people who quilt. I don’t, quilt that is, but tons of people out here do. It’s kind of a thing – you end up with a crafting hobby because leaving your house unnecessarily in the winter is discouraged by the meteorological milieu. So, anyway, it’s fantastically cool to watch someone get all excited about doing something she’s always wanted to do. Sometimes, I even feel like that about my job.
Mark, is your sister just not long-winded enough to blog? Or did she end up a quieter person because you never let her get a word in edgewise (nurture!!!)? Long live the filibuster! All hands on for mental masturbation! (I wish I could remember who said that.)
01 April 2004
Yeah, I'm pretty much of the opinion that biology most definitely does NOT dictate who your "family" really is. However, what I find disturbing about myself is that sometimes I will bend over backwards to help friends to a degree that oftentimes, I don't even extend to my own family. I find myself more comfortable being with families other than my own a lot of the time. Sad stuff, really, when you think about it. But I grow wiser as I grow older--mistakes have been and will be corrected.
Y'know, Susan, GTE Federal Credit Union didn't exactly come through for me, either, when I bought my first car four years ago. They were offering as low as 6.4% for a new car, but they could only offer me 8.4%. Granted I hadn't bought a house or a car before then, but I had credit cards for two years and never carried a balance AND I worked for the parent company... I ended up going through my dad's credit union (Central Florida Postal in Orlando) for my car loan. Jeez. BTW, don't they charge you extra for the ass-rape? Oh, and forget about batting those eyelashes... flash the service piece if you want results.
Never give up, Susan. No matter what. I think if you give up on your hopes and dreams, what other reason is there to live? Doesn't mean it will necessarily turn out your way, but I think you gotta at least keep a minimum 5% hope that it will. For me, life is at its best while I have lots of things going on AND lots of things to look forward to in the future. Barring that, if nothing is currently going on, it's good to have things to look forward to. Now when nothing is going on AND I have nothing to look forward to, it's time to spend all week in front of the TV, only getting up to use the bathroom once in awhile.
Hey Danny, feel free to get back in the game... think the girls will quickly tire of listening to me prattle on about "KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!" and related things...
So I found out yesterday that Jenn has indeed been reading this blog... I saw her comment down there also. This is how it starts--next thing you know, we'll have our own reality TV show.
Hey Susan--where do they keep the Fried Chicken flavor of body powder?
Y'know, Susan, GTE Federal Credit Union didn't exactly come through for me, either, when I bought my first car four years ago. They were offering as low as 6.4% for a new car, but they could only offer me 8.4%. Granted I hadn't bought a house or a car before then, but I had credit cards for two years and never carried a balance AND I worked for the parent company... I ended up going through my dad's credit union (Central Florida Postal in Orlando) for my car loan. Jeez. BTW, don't they charge you extra for the ass-rape? Oh, and forget about batting those eyelashes... flash the service piece if you want results.
Never give up, Susan. No matter what. I think if you give up on your hopes and dreams, what other reason is there to live? Doesn't mean it will necessarily turn out your way, but I think you gotta at least keep a minimum 5% hope that it will. For me, life is at its best while I have lots of things going on AND lots of things to look forward to in the future. Barring that, if nothing is currently going on, it's good to have things to look forward to. Now when nothing is going on AND I have nothing to look forward to, it's time to spend all week in front of the TV, only getting up to use the bathroom once in awhile.
Hey Danny, feel free to get back in the game... think the girls will quickly tire of listening to me prattle on about "KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!" and related things...
So I found out yesterday that Jenn has indeed been reading this blog... I saw her comment down there also. This is how it starts--next thing you know, we'll have our own reality TV show.
Hey Susan--where do they keep the Fried Chicken flavor of body powder?
heres an interesting little thing i found. kt, what flavor is greg into? hehehehe! they even have a flavor for your alkie boyfriends and girlfriends! lol! check out Urban Decay for more... i wonder if they really do taste like theyre supposed to....hmmmm.....
as for danny boy, ive spoken to him and he is alive...hes just been a fucker who hasnt posted lately...shame on you danny boy! lol!
as for the ongoing car bullshit, i went to the wachovia website to look at loans. wachovia being a shitty-ass bank didnt have shit on the website as far as helpful info. i did get a call today in response to a thing i filled out online. ok, can u believe this...this bitch sat there and said that i really should get financing through the car dealership because id get a better deal! ok, isnt that totally against everything uve ever heard about that?! she said the rates that may be available to me (depending on an assload of bullshitty things...) ranges from 7.9% to like 10%. ex-squeeze me?! ive banked with you fuckers for the entirety of my adult life and thats the best you can do? they havent even looked at my credit or history with the bank, these are just the basic standard rates they offer. ok, this is bullshit and im seriously thinking of changing banks. that and they require you to have a minimum balance of $300 for a savings account. ive never heard of a minimum that high before. this is utter nonsense!!! they make money off my money for a decade and then they decide to continue to screw me and suck money out of me with these rates?! fuck you wachovia!!! looks like as with everything else, im just gonna have to take matters into my own hands and just fucking do it myself. fuck all of it! i am not gonna get out of debt and stop being ass-raped by the credit card companies just to bend over and get ass-raped by my bank...fuck that shit! no more ass-rape here! id rather never get a new car than to ever have to deal with those wachovia fuck-jobs! theyve pissed me off and thats bad news for them. i bet i can get a better or equal deal at the dealership...i just need to remind them im a cop and bat my cutey-girl eyelashes...right? ya think thatll work? lol! whatever...
as for the just friends guys...yeah they were just friends for a reason although your just friends for your reasons may be my more than friends for my reasons. despite wanting many of the same general things such as respect, love, intelligence, sense of humor, etc, we are looking for very different men i think. i definently want somebody more off the hook, more of a challenge who keeps me and my attitude in line with their rapier wit, and someone who is equally as fiery as i am at times. and yeah, i do believe in happily (more or less) ever after. im either gonna find it or not, but at least i believe its a possibility. i think that the fact that i believe in the potential for finding THAT person gives me a better chance of it actually happening than not believing at all. im gonna be happy one way or another, its just making it through this rough slog right now to get there. ive always gotten what i wanted one way or another...its just been working my ass off forever to get it. i will be an fbi agent, i will someday (someday!!!) get a new car, i will someday have a place i own, and i will someday have a decent caring boyfriend who adores me. im gonna have it all because i can and theres no reason why i cant god dammit!!! lol! but right now, im gonna do my dishes, take out the garbage, and go to uber-target to be a consumer...lol!
as for the ongoing car bullshit, i went to the wachovia website to look at loans. wachovia being a shitty-ass bank didnt have shit on the website as far as helpful info. i did get a call today in response to a thing i filled out online. ok, can u believe this...this bitch sat there and said that i really should get financing through the car dealership because id get a better deal! ok, isnt that totally against everything uve ever heard about that?! she said the rates that may be available to me (depending on an assload of bullshitty things...) ranges from 7.9% to like 10%. ex-squeeze me?! ive banked with you fuckers for the entirety of my adult life and thats the best you can do? they havent even looked at my credit or history with the bank, these are just the basic standard rates they offer. ok, this is bullshit and im seriously thinking of changing banks. that and they require you to have a minimum balance of $300 for a savings account. ive never heard of a minimum that high before. this is utter nonsense!!! they make money off my money for a decade and then they decide to continue to screw me and suck money out of me with these rates?! fuck you wachovia!!! looks like as with everything else, im just gonna have to take matters into my own hands and just fucking do it myself. fuck all of it! i am not gonna get out of debt and stop being ass-raped by the credit card companies just to bend over and get ass-raped by my bank...fuck that shit! no more ass-rape here! id rather never get a new car than to ever have to deal with those wachovia fuck-jobs! theyve pissed me off and thats bad news for them. i bet i can get a better or equal deal at the dealership...i just need to remind them im a cop and bat my cutey-girl eyelashes...right? ya think thatll work? lol! whatever...
as for the just friends guys...yeah they were just friends for a reason although your just friends for your reasons may be my more than friends for my reasons. despite wanting many of the same general things such as respect, love, intelligence, sense of humor, etc, we are looking for very different men i think. i definently want somebody more off the hook, more of a challenge who keeps me and my attitude in line with their rapier wit, and someone who is equally as fiery as i am at times. and yeah, i do believe in happily (more or less) ever after. im either gonna find it or not, but at least i believe its a possibility. i think that the fact that i believe in the potential for finding THAT person gives me a better chance of it actually happening than not believing at all. im gonna be happy one way or another, its just making it through this rough slog right now to get there. ive always gotten what i wanted one way or another...its just been working my ass off forever to get it. i will be an fbi agent, i will someday (someday!!!) get a new car, i will someday have a place i own, and i will someday have a decent caring boyfriend who adores me. im gonna have it all because i can and theres no reason why i cant god dammit!!! lol! but right now, im gonna do my dishes, take out the garbage, and go to uber-target to be a consumer...lol!
